The Tree Remembers

Why Do You Hate Me?

Okay, maybe he was fucking with me. Maybe this was some new form of torture he had concocted when he saw me a week ago, because there was no way he didn't recognize me if he asked me to play truth or drink with him. I studied his eyes and thought back to all those years ago.

"Come on, Ellie," Eddie said, smiling down at me. We were in his room, on the floor and surrounded by homework. "You need to loosen up. Let's play truth or drink."

I felt my face burn and my mouth dried. I couldn't believe that Eddie Munson wanted to hang out with me outside of the tutoring. I pushed my glasses up my nose and looked down at my lap. I had become Eddie's English tutor at the urging of Mrs. Chewning, and had started spending afternoons at Eddie's trailer, helping him with assignments.

"Sure, I mean, w-whatever you want to do," I replied, my voice practically a squeak. 

He winked at me and got up, sauntering off to the kitchen. I tried to smooth my frizzy hair and smooth my sweater out. Why did I wear this sweater today? It was dorkier than my usual ones, but I wore it because it was loose and frumpy enough to make me feel comfortable.

Eddie came back with two beers in his hand and handed me one before plopping back on the ground. He clinked his bottle with mine and took a sip. I followed suit and took a drink. It was fizzy on my tongue, and I tried not to make a face. He smiled at me, and I felt my heart flutter. I couldn't believe that this was happening.

"Alright, Ellie – you're first," he said, leaning close to my face. I felt my eyes widen. "Who was your first kiss?"

I felt my stomach drop and heat crawl up my face. I took a drink from the beer and Eddie's smile grew.

"Ooh, so you want to keep it a secret?"

I looked back down. I didn't know how to say I had never been kissed before without seeming even lamer to him. I felt my body heat when he hooked a finger under my chin and pulled my face up. His fingers were calloused from his guitar playing that I often asked about. 

"Tell me, Ellie," he said quietly.

I watched Eddie as he stared at me, his eyes full of mirth. I forgot my words. I looked down at my drink.

"I'm not sure," I replied. He leaned closer.

"Come on, Belle – you're first," he said. I felt my blood turn to ice. "Why do you hate me?"

I looked at him square in the eyes and brought my drink to my mouth, taking a sip. His mouth twisted into a smile.

"You wound me," he replied. I leaned back in my chair.

"Why did you come back?" I asked. His face faltered for a moment, and he looked down at his hands.

"It wasn't what I thought it was," he answered simply.

"That's not a good answer," I sniped.

"Better than no answer," he quipped, smiling at me. I felt my face burn.

"Why do you care so much if I like you or not?" I replied. He leaned forward on his forearms and shrugged.

"Because...I don't know, Belle, I really just like you," he said. I felt my heart catch but shook my head.

"No, you don't, Eddie," I said quietly. He reached out and touched my forearm and I felt my hair stand on edge.

"I, I don't—" I started, becoming more and more embarrassed. His touch made me feel electric.

"Have you never been kissed, Ellie Fisher?" Eddie asked, his tone teasing. I wanted to melt on the spot, mortified by everything. He leaned close to my face. He smelled so good - I often wondered what his cologne was. "I'm waiting for an answer."

"No, no, I haven't," I replied, wanting to tear up. My glasses were getting foggy. How could I manage to be so lame?

"Want to change that?"

"Why do you do that?" Eddie asked. I looked at him, furrowing my brows.

"Do what?"

"Answer questions for other people – how do you know that I don't like you?"

"I just do, Eddie," I replied lamely, not wanting to revisit those feelings.

"No, you don't – Elle, you are gorgeous, and cool, and so funny and mean, and I haven't stopped thinking about you since I met you," he insisted. I stared at him. Who was this version of Eddie?

Kissing had quickly escalated to our clothes coming off, Eddie very much taking the lead and guiding me to his bed. I was dizzy and overwhelmed, and I set my hands on his chest. Eddie moved to the shell of my ear, making me hot and electric.

"Wait, wait, wait – I've never—"

"I know, Ellie," he said, kissing me again, stopping any other words from coming out of my mouth. I stopped him again.

"But I don't want you—"

"I don't care, Ellie," he insisted, kissing me harder and making me lose my breath.

"You don't know me well enough to think those things about me," I replied quietly. He groaned and leaned forward, setting his hand on mine.

"Belle, I just know, from the moment I met you – and I want to get to know you," he said. I felt my eyes burn.

Every time he talked about meeting me, or getting to know me for the first time, I felt just as small as I did in high school. I had worked so hard to get past my feelings and become the confident version of myself.

"It's Elle," I corrected, crossing my arms.

I had spent all weekend feeling fluttery and happy. I didn't know what this meant – Eddie had managed to be my first everything in one night, and I hadn't felt like this. Ever. Did this mean he was my boyfriend?

I practically skipped into school, eager to see Eddie and see what he would say. He hadn't called me all weekend like he promised, but I tried to ignore my bad feeling. I was in my favorite sweater, still wanting to cover myself up even though Eddie had seen everything. I had even tried to tame my hair this morning.

I saw Eddie at his locker, leaned up against it and making his friends laugh. I quelled my pounding heart and started towards him, practicing what I wanted to say to him.

"So Smellie Fisher was your hot date this weekend?" Gareth asked, punching Eddie's shoulder. I stopped dead in my tracks, my blood turning to ice at the nickname people called me.

"Yeah, Munson – did you take the dork parking?" Jeff piled on. I waited for Eddie to say something, to defend me, but he let a laugh out. That almost hurt worse than the nickname.

"Please – I can barely tolerate Smellie tutoring me. I'm only nice to her so she does my English work. You really think it would be anything other than that?" Eddie quipped, elbowing his friend.

I felt my eyes well with tears and turned on my heels once I heard them laugh even more. I tore my way through the hallway, desperate not to cry until I got to the bathrooms. I burst into a stall and slammed the door, immediately breaking down and sobbing into my hands. How could I have been so stupid?

"Truth or drink, Belle," Eddie repeated him. I looked at him, anger boiling in me. "Why do you hate me?"

I felt bile rise in my chest and the anger I had so neatly compartmentalized in me was officially flowing over. I leaned over the table, staring him right in the eyes. I finished my drink and stood.

"Because I remember you," I seethed. Eddie's brows furrowed and I stormed out of the bar, fighting back tears, just like all those years ago.