metulji - jan peteh

Stuck

My eyes fluttered open slightly, too weak to hold themselves open for longer than a millisecond. Trying to prop myself up was impossible; my body wouldn't co-operate, and the rapid spinning of my head told me all I needed to know:

I was stuck.

Exactly where I was.

Which was where, exactly?

I tried again to flick my eyelids open again to find an answer, yet the action managed to consume any energy I had, and ultimately, I failed. The choices were to either attempt again and run the risk of falling out of consciousness once more, or just stay in this state, absolutely helpless. I had to choose the second, since neither were good options.

This was like a hangover, but worse, and I didn't have anyone to comfort me through it. Loneliness ached in my chest, like two children fighting for the same toy. They would tear it into two useless pieces if they continued trying to take it from one another.

The outside world was a total blur: my ears were muffled, like any people in the vicinity had shut their doors on me, rendering me an outlier. I was the cross out of place on the graph. I was the lowest result on the test. Where did I belong?

'Lilia, you're a fucking idiot.'

What?

'You heard me: you're a fucking idiot, Lilia.'

Who said that?

Was it Ocean, who'd lulled me into a false sense of security for so many years to drop me in an instant? Was it Sanjay, who'd laughed when I didn't know the band? Was it my parents, who'd watched me disobey them over for a man who'd just hurt me badly like all of the others? Maybe it was the man himself. Maybe he thought I was an idiot for leaving when I did.

No, it was just my mind, playing a cruel game with me.

~•~

I must have fallen asleep, drifted off in spite of all the turmoil reproducing in my mind. Slightly stronger now, I felt the instinctive pull to discover my surroundings. My eyes actually let me open them this time, which was a miracle. Despite their inability to focus, I could've smiled at the prospect of vision, had my muscles not been tight and weak.

It only took a few seconds for my irises to stop defying my brain's orders, finally bringing the world into complete clarity. The white noise echoing through my ears also stopped, bringing newfound sounds, like the opening of bottles and low whispers. I went to sit up again, and even though it took a while, I finally hoisted my torso up to have a peek at the room. I began to shake almost immediately, but determination and the slight dopamin surge that I received when I realised I was capable of moving kept me upright.

'She's awake, look.' Damn right I was.

'Lilia?' Fuck. How did they know my name?

Realisation hit me like a speeding car.

Nace was the first to walk into my eyeline; I immediately forgot everything else and fell down onto my back in an attempt to wipe the fact he was there from my memory. Before I even had a fighting chance, he was practically over my head, sitting on a chair that had been placed very conveniently next to where I lay.

'Does she need water?' Another voice shouted from the background. I winced a little at the volume.

'Kris, calm down. Yes.' He answered gently, glancing down to me as he said it. I licked my lips, which were, exactly as I expected, very dry.
But I didn't care.