Avoidance || Ghost/Soap x reader mini fic

Part. 4

You didn't even think Soap really had a cold side, of course you knew he could be serious and stern when he needed to be, but today was the glimpse of it all. The way he ordered Beckett around so coldly was what told you all you needed to know.

Whether is was Ghost's fault alone, Beckett knew. Everyone knew of yours and Ghost's relationship. Everyone knew that you were the only one who could truly get to Ghost, and you were the only one who understood him.

But you'd never understand why he did it. Why he chose to break your heart into a million pieces and be okay with it. Why he was so quick to choose her over you. And that angered you in some aspects, but to see her cowardly standing in front of Soap was enough to help lift the heavy load temporarily from your shoulders.

Soap had really ripped her a new one, he worked her til she was on the verge of passing out. Whatever the other recruits were doing, she was to do twice the limit. Soap wasn't messing around, because he hated seeing you in tears outside his room the night before. It broke him, to see that someone so close to him had been toyed with and he had no control over it.

It wasn't until on her 3 mile run, she had collapse from exhaustion mid track and that was enough to send the near Ghost over the edge.

"Soap. That is enough!" He grumbled, storming over towards Johnny but with every intent to bypass him and go straight to Beckett. But just as Ghost was going to pass you and Soap, Soap reached his hand out to grasp Ghost's forearm halting him in his spot. Ghost stopped in his tracks, snapping his head angrily to stare Soap down. "Soap-"

"No. You are both lucky I dont turn the two of you in. You are a lieutenant. Act like it." Soap hissed, keeping his volume low. His brows were furrowed in disgust, his blue eyes staring heavily at Ghost. Who just simply stood there for a minute longer before tearing his arm from Soap's grasp to storm off in the opposite direction he was intending to go. Disappearing from the field back into the main building.

You simply stood there and kept your thoughts to yourself while you had watched the way Soap had reprimanded Ghost. When the door had slammed behind Ghost, Soap turned to look at Beckett.

"You're done for today. Do not let me catch you going against our regulations anymore or you will be reported and asked to be transferred to another base. Regardless of your skill. Do I make myself clear?" Soap ordered as she sluggishly approached the two of you, not even batting her exhausted eyes to look at you.

"Yeah..." she exhaled

"Yeah?"

"I mean- yes.. sir." She nodded rather quickly and then saw herself to leave the field. Now leaving just you and soap to stand there for a moment. You turned over to glance at Soap who was already peering back at you.

"Thank you." You finally broke the silence, "Soap, really. You're putting yourself at a risk to back me up here-"

"You think they're gonna report me? Please, Lass...." He let out a small chuckle, "I'd like to see them try." He nudged your arm before starting to slowly walk back towards the building, where you started to follow at his side.

You smiled lightly and intentionally bumped into Soap playfully in which he returned by nudging you back. You both continued the childish shoving until you had reached the outside of the door where Soap opened it to let you both in.
——

Evening had rolled in rather quickly, the base was extremely quiet. Of course there wasn't a single mission to be carried out so everyone was enjoying the cool evening. You found yourself outside, sitting on the hood of one of the parted Humvees, staring up at the sky. Watching it change colors after the sun had disappeared.

Your knees were brought up to parallel your chest, your hands wrapped tightly around your bent leg, your chin resting upon your knees. A quiet breather was needed but it was also something that was going to be difficult. Because with silence came those unwanted thoughts.

Soap insisted he was to go out there with you but you declined, telling him he's done enough for you and he needed a break. He sure gave you hell for that but obliged.

You had sat outside for maybe over an hour, maybe less. You lost track of time, but the sound of the door to the base behind you clicking open caused you to sighed heavily, thinking it was Soap.

"Soap you're worse than a fucking pup-" you started as you turned to face your attention to the door, leaning around the Humvee but her voice trailed off when it was none other than Ghost, standing feet away from the Humvee.

You took the opportunity to break away from his stare and face forward once more, hugging your legs tighter.

He was the last person you wanted to see right now....

You heard some footsteps start to approach you like he was getting closer and then stopped when he was standing in front of you on the Humvee.

"What do you want?" You spat, furrowing your brows. "You have some real nerve to think you can talk to me."

"Are you done?" He asked, his voice soft?

"Am I done?— what do you want?" You asked again, this time more stern, showing every sign you did not want to engage in a conversation with him.

"You don't have to say anything. Just—bloody listen.." he spoke, an exhale following afterwards.

"Well, go on." You blurted back.

"I know there is never going to be an apology in this world that will convince you to forgive me and I don't expect you to. I was stupid and I hurt you—I made a choice and suffered the consequences..." he paused, his eyes shuffling to the ground before raising back up to look at you. "I just don't want to lose you entirely. So I'm trying to be civil..."

You sat there, unsure on how to even respond. You already knew it was taking everything in him to come apologize in a way but you really didn't know how to answer. He was right, there would never be an apology to make you forget what he did to you. And because of what he did, there's always gonna be a part of you that will question everything you do and ask yourself if you're good enough?

Because you weren't good enough for Ghost.....

"You know, I should hate you. I should rid you of my life but I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm never going to trust you again.....and if I do, then it'd be a god damn miracle. Because what you did— was so...fucked...". You huffed, shaking your head to fight back your rising emotions. "But I appreciate the civil suit you're trying to bring forth."

He nodded faintly. 

"Can I ask what Beckett had that I didn't?....." you suddenly spoke again, staring ghost down, your eyes connecting directly into his.

"I? Nothing— fuck! There was nothing she had that you didn't. You were everything-"

"Then why?" You asked in a lone tone.

"Christ I don't know. I wish I could explain it to you but I just don't know." He spoke, his voice a mixture of confusion and frustration.

"Then I guess I dodged a bullet with you...."