PALE BLUE EYES. kurt cobain

013

"Are you leaving?" Kurt asked the next morning. I was putting my things back into my purse and trying to look presentable before Kurt woke up. Though, I didn't make it in time. He saw my dark circles, and crazy curly hair. He saw me, and didn't even seem to care. He looked at me as if I look how I always did.

"Well, I can't leave without you. You have to remember forcing me out of my car and leaving it on the side of the road." I crossed my arms with a small smile to indicate that I wasn't actually mad. Kurt only smiled softly and reached for the phone. I pulled a chair out from the table and sat on it, feeling this could take awhile. I looked through the magazines sprawled out in front of me. Nothing good.

"They'll have it here in about a half hour they said." Kurt had hung up the phone. I only nodded, slightly inconvenienced by this. An hour wasn't long but it was longer than I wanted. I didn't want to sit here and make small talk with the man that I confessed my undying love to and was shot down by.

"So is Frances dressing up for Halloween? It is tomorrow after all." I asked him. He furrowed his eyebrows for a moment, in disbelief and looked up to the small calendar mounted on the wall. Sighing, he shook his head.

"I didn't even realize," he said, "I don't have anything for her. She's too young for that candy anyways." Kurt was right. But even then, I still would've loved to see Frannie all dressed up in a costume. It would make a great excuse to take even more photos of her.

"I was a chicken one year," I blurted out, "I don't know why I thought it would be cute. I went to school and everyone laughed at me. I even pretended to be sick and went home." I was saying this mostly to myself but unfortunately out loud.

"I think a chicken is a great idea," Kurt smiled, "I was Pee-Wee Herman one year. I also got made fun of." I laughed at him softly, imagining him in a Pee-Wee Herman outfit. It was a pretty cute thought.

"I was also a lady bug one year." I said. I didn't know what else to talk about. Sure, talking about old Halloween costumes was stupid, but you give me a better idea. There was absolutely no way I could bring up what happened, but I also didn't want to seem oblivious to it. This was all so frustrating.

"Imagine Frances as a ladybug. I'd probably cry." Kurt smiled softly thinking about the hilarious vision in his mind. I smiled too. Seeing Frannie has a lady bug would be pretty damn cute.

"I'm sorry." I decided to say.

"What?" He asked a little confused. God, he was gonna make me say it again.

"I'm sorry." I repeated.

"For what?"

"Everything. Stressing you out. I don't know." I looked away, feeling like an idiot now. I just wanted things to be good between us.

"You don't need to apologize," he set his hand on top of mine softly, "there's nothing to be sorry for. I'm glad you're safe." He smiled softly at me. I only nodded, feeling tears well up in my eyes for some reason. I didn't want my car to come, I didn't want to leave. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. Not yet.

"Your car is here," Kurt softly acknowledged. I knew this was coming, this feeling I mean. I felt so horrible, and there wasn't anyway to fix it. I had to leave, I just had to, "hold on, are you okay?" He asked acknowledging my obvious tears. I was such a baby, I hated it.

"I'm just being a baby," I stood up, very embarrassed, "I just love being with you guys. Sometimes it's hard to say goodbye." I decide to just be truthful, there wasn't anyway I could get more embarrassed anyways. I got up in a rush, hoping to finally get out of his hair.

"Wait," he urged, "I get how you feel, Rory. It's hard for me too." Kurt looked at his shoes. I just couldn't bare to be in this house any longer feeling the way I did. Unwanted, a burden, annoying. I felt sorry that Kurt had to deal with me. I needed to grow up.

"Yeah," I lamely said, "I should go." A part of me wanted Kurt to protest again, but he didn't. He let me grab my bag and leave. I cursed to myself as tears dripped down my cheeks, the cold air making them freeze. I hopped into my car and drove off, the radio was blaring some stupid Faith No More song. I shut it off quickly... home couldn't be here fast enough.