PALE BLUE EYES. kurt cobain

015

"I can't believe you're doing this," I truthfully said to him. It always broke my heart to see him sad, but I couldn't just sugarcoat everything to spare his feelings. I couldn't keep acting like nothing was wrong just so I could be around him, "I gave you a chance. I- I was there for you the first time." His eyes were blank. They pierced through my soul. I felt them.

"I know," he mumbled, "I just wanted to protect you. That's all I ever wanted to do, Rory."

"I don't know what to say to you, Kurt." I crossed my arms and looked away, feeling an unfamiliar pain from looking into his eyes.

"Y-you don't love me anymore." Kurt didn't ask me, he stated it. He had his mind so made up about everything. It's like he knew the outcome of everything before he tried. He was so tragically negative.

"That's going a bit far, Kurt," I sighed, "you know that. You barely know me. I barely know you. This wasn't a good idea from the start." I wanted to kick myself. Why did I say these things knowing how I truly felt?

"So you don't love me." He mumbled again.

"Why are you so hopeless?" I finally ask, "you don't give anything a chance. You have your mind made up before you even try." I was getting frustrated with him. I never thought I could be so angry at Kurt.

"I need your help," he sounded defeated, "please, Rory. If I have to beg you, I will. There is nothing that I want more for me and- and for Frances than you." I felt my heart break when he mentioned Frances. I missed her like crazy.

"Kurt," I started, "I do love you. I love Frances. But I can't deal with you changing your mind again if you do."

"I know, Rory," he nodded, "I swear to you. If you just stay with me... I will do anything for you. I don't know how to do this. I hardly know how to be an adult, a father, a fucking musician. And all I know is that when I'm with you... I don't feel sad." His breath shuttered nervously.

"I- I know," I sadly said, "there's nothing I want more than to help you, Kurt."

"Really?" He asked with what seemed like real hope in his voice.

"Really," I assure him, "please just promise me that it's for real this time." I looked at my feet.

"I promise you," he finally stepped closer to me, "I fucking swear."

"I believe you." I decided to say to hopefully keep him optimistic.

"You do? That means a lot. Not a lot of people have believed in me before." Kurt sadly added.

"I will always believe in you." I couldn't help but let a few tears fall from my eyes. I truly did love him. More than anyone I've ever loved before. I didn't quite know why.

"I just need time, Rory," he seemed ashamed, "it's not that I'm apprehensive or anything, I just need time."

"You can do this," I stepped closer, "I know you can. I will be here for everything, Kurt." I wiped my tears and finally closed the gap between us by hugging him. I never thought I would feel the warmth of his hugs again.

"Thank you, Rory," Kurt mumbled against my hair, "I love you more than anything, and I don't care if I sound crazy." I closed my eyes and continued to tightly hug him. I felt safe when I did this, I didn't feel worried or anything. If only I could hug him forever and ever.

"I love you too," I said through a cracked voice, "but I need to get home." I pulled away from the hug and checked the clock behind me. I would've normally been home about an hour ago.

"Okay," Kurt nodded, "I'm sorry."

"Please," I pause, "stop apologizing." He nodded, tucking some of his hair behind his ears. I didn't know what else to say, so I just gave him one last look before turning on my heel. I felt him watching me walk away, and it made me feel an urge to stay. But I knew if I did, we'd just keep talking the whole night until the sun came up.