Held To Ransome

A Hard Place

"Come in Tom, the kettle's on." Emily opened the door and ushered a
the shellshocked man into her home. "You look like you could do with a brandy quite frankly!"

Tom smiled weakly and sat at the dining table, resting his head on his arms, just breathing in and out slowly.

Emily put down the teapot she'd just picked up and walked over. Sitting next to him in the little kitchen, she got a sense of his fear and worry. He was pale, very pale. She patted his shoulder gently. "It will be ok Tom, she'll be fine. You'll both be fine. You're scared, I understand, I really do. Terry was just the same. When I fell pregnant with Colin, he almost imploded."

Tom looked at her, puzzled. "Colin?"

She smiled softly and pulled a locket out from inside her blouse. Opening it carefully, she showed him a tiny picture. A little blonde boy in a stripey t-shirt and red shorts. "Colin." She said, a sad smile on her face. "He was our beautiful son for three whole years."

Tom looked at her, "was?" He could barely form the word. She nodded.

"Yes, there was... an accident. It was just a tragic accident. Terry was there, when it happened. He still hasnt really recovered. You never get over something like that. You just learn to function." She looked at him and smiled a sad, accepting smile. "But it makes you appreciate what you have when you have it."

He looked at her with new eyes. The highlighted hair covered the grey that came with extreme grief, the laughter lines that were actually the result of endless tears. The smile that masked a heart held together with the glue of a strong marriage. "You are amazing. I don't think I could survive if something happened to my..." he looked at her, and she smiled.

"You see?" She squeezed his hand. "You already know what it is to be a parent. Nobody tells you what it will feel like. You love Callie, just as Terry loves me and I him. But the love you feel for your child? The fact you KNOW without a shadow of a doubt you would gladly give them your last breath? That is instinctive. You were born to be a Dad Tom, just as Callie was born to be a mum. You just have to figure the rest out as you go."

She stood and poured boiling water into the teapot. Replacing the lid and covering it with the kind of tea-cosy that could double as a bobble hat in the winter, she came and sat down again.

"Now, I know you didn't come here to be depressed by my stories, so why don't you tell me what's really up? I think I know you, Tom, you're a good and strong man. You wouldn't hurt Callie for the world, and you wouldn't ask me for help unless it was something you really needed.

He nodded. "Given what you just told me - does Callie know by the way?" He paused, and she nodded. "Ok, well, given what you said, I'm not sure what I came to ask is fair."

"Let me be the judge?" She said pleasantly as she poured the now brewed tea. "Biscuit?"

He nodded, "Please." He took the mug and the proffered packet of hobnobs and waited for her to sit.

"Im having to go away. For work. For quite a few months."

"I'm sure Callie will understand. By the time you go, she'll be an expert at the baby, and Terry and I can babysit if she needs it." She took a sip of tea and smiled." She realises it's your job, Tom. She'll understand."

"That's just it Emily, when I go, she won't have had it, and by the time I come back..." he stopped speaking, unable to form words. The lump in his throat was just too large. Tears formed in his eyes.

"Are you telling me you're going to miss the birth?" She wasn't mad, just surprised.

"By a couple of months. And I'm going to the Arctic, I can't even come back for it and go away again. We have such a tight schedule that even a week will have consequences. Oh Emily, she's going to hate me. I hate myself." He cried openly, resting his forehead on his hand. "I won't be with her when she needs me most. I - I was going to ask..." she stopped him by laying a gentle hand on his arm.

"Oh Tom, what a mess. You poor souls. I would be honoured to be Callie's birth partner." She felt the tears in her own eyes sting.

"But after Colin..." he stammered and sniffed. "It's cruel of me to ask."

"Thomas." She looked at him with the best 'mum' face he'd seen since, well, his mum. "The world doesn't stop because of tragedies, no matter how much we feel it should. And now? Now I have a chance to help Callie - and you. My experience, what little there is, can be passed on at last. Everything happens for a reason, Tom. You and Callie are my Colin's reason."

They sat in the kitchen and hugged. Tom's eyes tightly shut, a bond formed that no one could have predicted. As they held each other, Terry walked into the kitchen and found them.

Emily wiggled her eyebrows at Terry, who retreated silently, an understanding smile on his face. There would be time to talk. That time was not now. Now was the time to console a man in torment. God, he loved his wife so much.

Emily and Tom broke their hug, and Tom wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "Just one thing?" He said with a little wince. "I haven't told her yet. Im too scared." He saw Emily's look and nodded. "I know, I know, I need to, sooner rather than later." He held up his hands. "Please don't say anything until I have? Please, Emily?"

She patted his arm. "Not my place to say anything Tom, the ball's firmly in your court. It's not the first time I've kept secrets from Terry for his own good." She winked, and Tom looked astounded.

"YOU?" He couldn't believe it.

"Yes, me!" She said with a wink. "You don't think I tell him EVERYTHING, do you? "

"I guess not!" Was the amused responsed.