Held To Ransome

Prayers

"Please God, let her live. I'll do anything. Just bring her back to me." Tom stood in the dark, in the middle of the night, and did something he'd never done before. He prayed.

Yes, at school, he'd gone to assembly and church. Yes, he'd done the same as his peers and recited the hymns and the prayers. But only here, now, did he really and truly pray.

He'd called an ambulance in the seconds after he saw the blood.  He'd climbed onto the bed behind her and held her as she slipped into unconsciousness. He'd wandered, covered in her blood, behind the paramedics to the vehicle, draped in a blanket and accompanied by Emily, who did all the talking.

He'd sat in the relatives' room while they scanned and prodded and injected and tried to save her and the baby. He'd keened and cried as they told him there was nothing they could do to save his daughter. Emily had held him and rocked him until his mother had appeared in the early hours to comfort him, and then she'd slipped away to grieve with Terry.

Now, while his mum slept in that same room, he came outside and looked at the stars. There was a new one that night. A small bright star, too beautiful to come to earth, to special to be dimmed by any human form. He looked and looked until he saw it. Then, falling to his knees, he called on the God he sometimes took in vain but never truly abandoned.

As he bowed his head, with nothing more he could say, a hand came to rest on his shoulder. Looking up, through aching and red raw eyes, he saw Terry.

The other man said nothing. He just stood, hand on his shoulder, and nodded.

"Why?" Tom said softly, "Why?"

"Who knows. I asked the same about our Colin. Never did get an answer.  Never will, I don't doubt." He put a hand under Tom's arm and helped him stand.  "There is nothing you can do for your little girl, you know that. Your other girl needs you now. More than either of you realise yet."

Tom looked at him, "but this is all my fault. I caused this. If she hadn't been stressed over me, then..." he started to cry, and Terry shook his head.

"No.  This is NOT your fault. It's not Callie's fault. It is a horrible, horrible thing, but it is NOBODY'S fault." He put his hands on Tom's shoulders. "You need to get that straight in your head right now because she's going to blame herself. You must make her see you dont agree."

"I will. I promise. I just need her to.."

"Mr Hiddleston?" A voice to their left broke into their conversation. They looked round, and a nurse was standing at the door. Her face was neutral but serious. His mum stood behind him, in tears.

He felt his insides try to leave him, and he staggered against Terry, who held him fast.

"Yes..?"   It was barely a word.

"Please come, the doctor needs to speak to you." She stepped back, and his mum stepped forward, holding out her hands

"Son, you need to be strong." Was all she said, looking at him and Terry. Silently, Terry propelled him back inside. He'd come because Emily had said Tom needed a man with him. A man who understood.  And Terry understood perfectly.  The rage, the heartbreaking sorrow, the despair.

The four of them walked in silence back to the intensive care ward. They walked in, and the nurse stopped him short.  "This is going to look horrendous. Remember, there's a chance she can hear you. Speak to her. Try not to let her hear your fears. The doctor is waiting over at the office."

Tom and his mum walked away, and Terry caught the nurse before she went back to her station.

"Will she... will she make it?" He looked at her, wanting to hear a yes.

"I can't tell you, im sorry. The doctor needs to speak to her...Mr Hiddleston. All I can say is she's still with us. The longer she's with us, the better it looks. There are no guarantees, though.  I'm sorry, I wish I could say more."

Terry stood and waited for them to come back. 

It didn't take long. Presently, Tom, his mum, and the doctor appeared looking about as serious as it was humanly possible to be.

Tom walked on with the doctor while his mum stayed back to speak to Terry. 

"If she makes it through the night, she stands a chance." Her eyes overflowed with the tears she'd tried to hide from Tom.

"Mrs Hiddleston, whatever the outcome, my wife and I will be here for them both."

"Thank you. And please, it's Diana. Under the circumstances..." she laid a hand on his arm. "I think he'll want some time with her alone. Do you want to find the vending machine with me?"

He knew she wanted to get some air, so he nodded.  They walked away, strangers united in grief.  Terry phoned Emily as they walked.

Tom followed the doctor like a little lost child as they walked into Callie's curtained off bay.  He let out a gasp as he saw her. She lay white and still, eyes closed. Her arm was hooked up to one drip that fed her blood and one that fed her antibiotics. Another machine blinked, showing heartrate, blood pressure, and temperature. A third stood at the ready. A crash cart.  He didn't want to think about that.

"Speak to her Tom, keep speaking to her. Have faith, she's a fighter, she's come through alot already. I'll be back in a little while, see how you're both doing." The doctor retreated beyond the curtain and Tom gingerly sat on the chair next to her.

For a moment he just looked at her, unable to form words. His throat constricted by the crushing grief that consumed him. Slowly, his voice broke the silence.

"Callie, Callie darling its me. Its Tom, come on love, open your eyes.  Come back to me love, I need you. Darling, please." He began to cry. He knew he was supposed to be positive but he just couldn't. He needed her so desperately. "Oh Callie my darling" he laid his head on her hand and sobbed.

"T-Tom?" A faint whisper and a slight twitch of her fingers made him look up.  She opened her eyes and swallowed thickly.  He grasped her hand and kissed it desperately.  She looked at him, eyes swimming.

"I'm so sorry." She paused, seemingly exhausted by the effort of the words."Im so.sorry... I failed you... I tried... she's .... ohhhh" she wailed and he felt his heart tear in two. His beautiful girl was in pain and there was nothing he could do.  He stood up and crawled onto the bed beside her, taking her carefully in his arms.

"Shhhhh kitten, shhhh I'm here. You didn't do anytbing wrong darling. I promise you, it wasn't your fault and  I will always be here my love."  He rocked her gently.

"She's dead... our little girl...." the wail she let out was like an animal in pain.

Tom said nothing, there was nothing he could say. They lay together and mourned. Their baby girl, their happy ever after.

Tom's mum popped her head around the curtain a little while later and saw them huddled together, eyes closed, in their despair.

She knew though, this moment was their rock bottom. The only way now was up. Together, they would get through this.