Held To Ransome

One step forward...

They parted that afternoon amid promises to meet for coffee or tea or cake - or all three - very soon.  Tom would begin filming in a few days but had to be in London till then.

"See you when I get back?"  He stood next to his car, leaning on it, trying to act casual. It was so hard, he so wanted to hug her tightly and tell her he was going to miss her. To his unending surprise, the thought of not seeing her laughing or even just smiling for a couple of days made him sad.

"That would be nice, really nice.  Perhaps..." she paused, unsure if she should say what was rushing through her mind.

"Yes, I'd love to go for dinner. " he jumped in with a smile and a wink.

"Oi! Cheeky! I WAS going to say perhaps you'd let me cook you dinner, but I don't know if I should now!" She pretended to be in a huff, crossing her arms and scowling.

For a second, as he looked at her standing, her nose scrunched up like an angry kitten, the strangest feeling swept over him. Of longing, of happiness, of simply wanting to hold her and never let her go.

"Please, that would be just perfect." Was what he said. "Like you." He added instantly in his mind with start.

"Ok.  Anything you don't like?"

"Mmmm, I'm not crazy about rhubarb?" He scratched his head and grinned.

"Oh bugger. That means you can't taste my famous rhubarb and steak pie!" She looked devastated for a moment, but as they looked at each other, she snorted and broke into peals of laughter.

"Rhubarb and steak?" He laughed like a drain, "really?" He grabbed her hand and kissed it.  "Parting is such sweet sorrow..." he quoted softly, and she smiled, finishing the quote;

"I shall say goodnight till it be morrow."

His eyes danced with points of light. She blushed, "You're not the only one that can remember a little Shakespeare now and again!"

Tom took his courage in both hands. "I'll teach you more if you like, and in return, you can teach me to paint? Over the next few weeks. How about it? Challenge accepted?"

"Oh, you bet. Whoever fails to learn the skill has to do a forfeit to be determined at the time of failure?"  She tried to make humour cover her increasing desire to cry.  He was leaving.  She was going to miss him far more than a 2-day friendship would suggest.

"You're on!" He shook her proffered hand then climbed into his car. "Callie?" This was the moment he'd dreaded.  How to say goodbye without making it sound final.  

"Yes, Tom?" She turned, her face a sea of repressed emotion. He knew instantly what he had to say.  He had to show her he cared.

"Take care, love? I mean it.  You're a good and special person. I need you to look after yourself. Till we meet again..." he left her standing waving as he drove away. Tooting the horn as he rounded the corner and disappeared, he had an uneasy feeling. Nothing he could pin down, just a general sense of foreboding.  "Come on Tom, get a grip," he scolded himself then sighed deeply. This was going to be a long few days.

Watching Tom drive away, she became aware her eyes were more than a little damp.  His heartfelt plea had moved her because of its unexpectedness.

She walked back to the house and closed the door, leaning on it.  "Take care love" rattled around in her head.  He'd been so insistent.  So very... caring.  It made her smile and she shook her head as she walked away to the kitchen, who would have thought it eh?  Someone like him, caring about someone like her? At least he hadn't run a mile when she told him.  He hadn't said much at all actually.  The euphoria of the past couple of days - especially today - began to wear off, leaving a slump in her mood that was dangerously close to black.

Now, as she sat in the living room reading,  the little gremlins in her head began to work overtime.

Did he really understand just how unhinged she'd been?  Could he really comprehend how messed up she still was?  How fragile?  Was he really prepared for her to have a relapse?  It was a possibility.  It would always be a possibility. Maybe she was better off alone?  Maybe she was better off.... she flung her book to the side.  Where the HELL had that come from.  She walked into the bathroom to wash her face with cold water and stopped to look in the mirror.

As she did so, she saw someone she hardly recognised any more.  She saw a frail, ethereal waif with soft eyes and a distant smile.  She saw a woman who lived with the spectre of her past.  Holding her to ransom.  Marking not only who she had been, but who she might be in the future.  No matter how she tried, it was there.  Like the mark of Cain.  

She knew this introspection wasn't good for her. She'd been warned about it.  With an almighty effort she finished washing her face and walked back into the living room.  Her book lay abandoned.  She picked it up listlessly, turning it over in her hands.  The gremlins started all over again. Why bother reading it?  It would only fade from memory.  Just like the way she would fade from Tom's once he finished here.  Who was she kidding?  Friends?  Who would be friends with the likes of her?

Suddenly frustration, fear, desperation, call it what you will, overwhelmed her.  With a scream, she hurled the book at the wall, and it splattered to the floor with a thump.  She watched it fall, surprised by her own outburst.  Feeling marginally calmer, she picked up the phone.  

Looking at it for a couple of minutes, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  Opening them again, she dialled a number from her contacts.  It rang and she waited on tenterhooks.

"Hello?" a man's voice answered "Is that you Callie?"

"Hi, yes, it's me.  Can we talk? I think I need to come and see you again."

Tom got home late, he'd diverted to meet with Luke for a while before heading to the house.  When he finally got in, there was a message for him on his home answering machine.  It was from the location director.  Location shooting was delayed, there had been an outbreak of flu within the technical team and they didn't want to risk spreading it to either the rest of the cast or to the locals.  They'd be back on track next week most likely, so he'd call him in a few days.

Tom put down the phone with mixed feelings.  Partly he was dismayed to hear some of the team were sick, he wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy, but partly he was overjoyed.  A few more days off - and he knew exactly where and with whom he wanted to spend them.

He lifted the phone again and pressed a number. "Hi Luke, it's me, no no nothing.  I just came home to a message from Peter - yes that Peter.  We're delayed for at least a week." he paused, "I'm going to go up anyway.  Yeah, something like that." he smiled and blushed a little, "just thought I should say as I won't be around.  No, not yet, but I'm sure I'll find somewhere.  See you soon!"

He hung up.  Right, shower, something to eat then pack a few things.  He'd set off in the morning.  He could stay at the pub.  It seemed lovely, very quaint and cosy.  That way he could surprise her.  He made a mental note, buy flowers on the way.  He wondered what her favourites were?  He hoped he would have many chances to find out.