A New Beginning

Losing power

*Amy's POV*

I opened my eyes and couldn't remember a thing. I didn't know where I was, the room didn't look familiar. I could feel I was on a bed but I didn't know who's. I tried to get up but something resisted me back in place. I started to panic. Had I been kidnapped again? What the hell was going on! I look to the side of me to see what was holding me down. I saw an arm that led to Tom and I felt a bit relieved.

I didn't calm down completely because everything that happened started rushing back to me. I pictured myself back on that plane. Myself on top of that man stabbing his life away.

I couldn't take it anymore I felt sick. I removed Tom's arm from me and pulled myself up from the bed. I stumbled to the door as quickly and quiet as I could. When I grabbed the doorknob I wanted to throw up. My hands were still covered in that guys blood. I looked down at the rest of me to see myself completely covered in it.

I dry heaved as I pulled the door open to try and find a bathroom. Outside in the hallway, I ran door to door trying to find a bathroom. Before giving up I opened one last door and it turned out to be what I was looking for. Good thing it was because I couldn't hold in my puke much longer. I sprinted to the toilet, got on my knees, and let everything out. I had one hand holding my hair and the other on the ground for stability. I felt so weak and disgusting, I started to shiver.

I finally got everything out and got up from the toilet. I walked over to the mirror and almost jumped at how different I looked. I turned on the hot water and started cleaning my arms and hands. I scrubbed and scrubbed trying to get the blood off of me. Eventually the steaming hot water started to burn my hands and the scrubbing with my long nails started to make me bleed. I couldn't stop scrubbing because it felt like he was still on me. My hands were clean, but it felt like his blood was still on me. Still going at it, I looked at the mirror and I could see the pain I was causing myself in my eyes. I wanted to cry because I felt like I kept seeing the guy I murdered behind me in the mirror. I feel like I'm going crazy.

It scared me out of my trance, making me stop scrubbing my arms under the hot water. It hurt so much. I went to grab a towel and turned on cold water. I didn't want to start carving into myself again. I put the towel under the water to let it soak up. After that I squeezed the excess water out and started to wipe away at my face. I finished up with that and wanted to take a shower, but quickly remembered I left all my stuff on the plane. I had no change of clothes or anything. I left the bathroom and saw stairs that led downstairs. I was starving so I thought I could go find something to eat.

I tiptoed down the stairs not knowing where to go next. I still hadn't explored the house yet so i thought now would be a good time to.

When I made it to the bottom of the stairs I was met with a huge living room. The living room consisted of elegant furniture and a antique fireplace. It was gorgeous. The house was so modern and dark I loved it. It was perfect. I had not realized how big this house was until now.

I walked around past the living room and spotted a bar. Bill was sitting at one of the barstools contemplating drinking the alcohol in front of him.
I wanted it just as bad as him but I knew that wasn't the best way to help us. I walked over to bill and snatched the alcohol bottle from his view. I went behind the counter and set the bottle on one of the shelves. I turned to bill ready to scold him.

"Bill you know how people get when they drink, me included. I don't want you to get addicted the way your mom did."I concernly scolded.
"It was just a temptation, it was just there and I was keeping my options open. Whatever happened, happens." He responded.
"I wasn't going to drink it." He reassured while coming to give me a hug.
"Okay I believe you." I chuckled while squeezing him tighter in a jokingly way. Bill giggled and pulled from the hug.
"How are you? After you know...." He questioned. I showed bill my arms and he just stood there wide eyed.
"Yup...I couldn't stop scrubbing when I realized what I had done. I felt so disgusting. Even when I was clean, I felt like his blood was still on me." I responded.
"I'm so sorry you had to experience that Amy. Hey I could go out and get you a change of clothes so you can remove the bloody ones." He said.
"Thank you that would be amazing." I gave him a half hearted smile.
"Okay I'll go get Tom because we also need clothes."He spoke also trying to give a smile.
"Will you be okay here alone?" He asked.
"Yea don't worry just hurry back I'm starving." I joked.
"Okay." He laughed.

Bill went upstairs to get Tom and they left soon after. Bill also mentioned that they would be going to pick up their cars and will be getting rid of the stolen one. Tom didn't say a word when they left and It kinda upset me a bit but I didn't think much on it.

I was still at the bar so I decided to take a seat. In front of me were shelves full of different alcohols and wines. It was an addicts heaven. I thought about only taking a sip but I knew it would turn into more. I took my attention off of the tempting beverages and spotted a little case on the counter. Out of curiosity I grabbed it to see what was inside. I opened it and it contained two thick blunts and a lighter. I'd never smoken weed before and I kinda wanted to try it. It was either this or the alcohol.

I looked back and forth between the two before putting the case in my pocket for later. I thought I'd save it for another stressful day. I got up from my seat, and made my way behind the counter. Of course alcohol won me over, it always did. I grabbed a bottle of alcohol without grabbing a shot glass. I just removed the cap and drank straight from the bottle. Chug after chug after another.

***

I kept drinking until I felt like I was losing power. I started to feel bad because I had just scolded bill for this very reason. I felt like a hypocrite but I couldn't help it. I need something to take my mind off of things, alcohol just seems to be the one thing that can do that for me.

I stumbled from the bar around the house until I entered a kitchen. I walked in and spotted a shiny bladed knife on the counter. I walked to it and grabbed it. I started to think about how no one cared about me, not even the person I thought was the love of my life. How I almost had my innocence taken by a man who kidnapped me. How Tom slapped me that day willingly or not.

All different types of horrible thoughts started to flood my mind. I couldn't take it anymore tears started streaming down my face. I put the blade to by wrists and held it there. I looked at the blade and remembered  how I'd murdered a man in cold blood with a knife. How I had stabbed every aspect of him until he was gone. I was a horrible person and I didn't deserve to be on earth. I didn't deserve life.

I was about to strike myself on the wrist but then I thought of bill and Tom. How they would be terribly hurt if I left them. I dropped the knife because I never wanted to hurt them, they meant the world to me. I slid down the side of the counter and bawled my eyes out. I can't believe I was ready to just end it all like that. I can't believe I was so ready to leave bill and tom without a word.

I just sat there crying at how stupid I was for that idiotic attempt I just tried to make. My life has seriously gone to shit.