Betrayed by my own

Chapter 11- Barely Breathing

Screaming. Shouting. Wailing. You name it and she could hear it. Paralysed, yet feeling the pain envelop her body like a cocoon of torment both physically and mentally. Shallow. Slow. Silent. Her breathing was dying and there was nothing she could do but hold on for a little while longer. It was killing her and she knew that better than anyone else near her.

The pounding in her ears grew distant as she grasped on to the sound begging for it to come back so she knew she was alive, leaped and climbed to dissipate the numbness surfacing. Not wanting to leave, not yet. Come back she pleaded, stretching for the light evading her eyes as the darkness began to drift over.

Come back. Come back. Come back. Please. Not yet, not until I know what happened to them. Come on please! Please! Anyone please...

Feeling her run cold in his arms killed him. Not anywhere close to how much she's suffering in the current moment. He wasn't afraid to cry, hell he was trying to keep himself together for her. She wouldn't see him cry, not today. Not when she needed him to get her to Nathan. She'd hold on for that right? She had to. No doubt about it, she'd make it.

Fighting his way through the front gate, he pushed his door open, leaving it there and bundling her into his arms. Everyone stepped out of the way as he charged through. Some hung up their calls immediately and others turned away giving him the space he so desperately exerted in his walk. Ryder knew running wasn't a good idea, especially with the blood she was losing now staining his shirt red.

It killed him. Almost. To see her like that, her body pale and trembling. The lack of life in her still eyes as they lay closed and her ruby lips now a faint lilac, partly agape as her breathing faded like a whistle.

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Ryder slumped into the chair, uncomfortable and restless after Charlie was whisked off into surgery just minutes after her arrival. He knew she was in safe hands with Nathan but it didn't make him any less pent up over it. She meant everything and nothing to him at the same time. She was just a deal but then again she was more than that.

Let's be realistic here, they've barely had more than ten conversations in their time together yet here he was waiting for her like some love sick puppy. It was a mixture of laughable and pitiful. His shirt stained with her blood and the cold chill of her body resounded like the burn of her kiss on his cheek. His cheeks immediately flushed at he memory but dropped when he realised that she probably didn't mean it and was just trying to convey her thanks. Maybe there was a chance she felt the same but he doubted it, especially seeing as he was the one who kidnapped her in the first place. Obviously a mistake on his behalf; he wouldn't have known her otherwise.

The doors swung open revealing Jake pulling off the surgical mask and dumping it in the bin next to the door. Only Ryder's laboured breathing and Jake's black combat boots could be heard throughout the room. He barely acknowledged his existence because his mind was so full of Charlie's image.

"You look like shit dude!" Jake chimed taking a seat on the sofa across from him.

"Thank you for pointing out the blatantly obvious Jake," he grumbled as he push himself further into the chair.

"Seriously go take a power nap and a shower it's been a long day,"

"Again stating the obvious."

"Look Ryder, Charlie is perfectly stable and in the most capable hands so go get some rest"

"I know you're right but what if she needs me?"

"Of course she needs you but right now I'm sure she'd want you to go fix yourself up."

"Maybe you're right..."

"Of course I am, now go sort yourself out, she'll be back before you know it!"

Exasperated Ryder pushed himself out of his chair and onto his two slightly unsteady feet, sauntering away from a clearly ego boosted Jake.

He already knew that they would all take care of her in every way possible but even then he was scared? That's certainly a new emotion for him. Scared. Unfortunately for him that's certainly what it was. It shocked him at first to see the emotion starred across his face for all to see in the mirror but it was unavoidable. Ryder tried to get into the surgical suite but Nathan refused to be watched over like a hawk whilst his brother's eyes pierced into the back of his skull, hindering the operation.

In all fairness, they all understood that he was worried but the operation was a simple stitching and blood transfusion. She would be fine after waking up and resting for a few weeks but evidently that didn't cross his mind.

Getting back to his room, Ryder slumped onto his bed and brought his hands up to cover his face. It really has been a long day indeed and rest was really what he needed but regardless of the options be couldn't promise that he would be able to ger her off his mind.

The image of her lying in my arms breathless and cold will haunt me forever. The smell of dried blood is filling up my scent, would be worse if it wasn't hers I suppose. It's driving me insane, why do I even care if she lives or dies? Everyone clearly sees something I don't but what difference would it make anyways? I kidnapped her and then she got shot - because of me. Then she gets kidnapped by that dickhead and then sliced open at the abdomen, for fuck sake! What difference would it make now anyways? She'd never even consider being with someone like me. A mafia, a bad man... a monster. Just like Callum and just like her father. Then again she has never rejected my advances (if there was any) and she even kissed me. Sure she might have been on the brink of death but you don't just kiss someone for nothing. Although I did tell her to convey her words through actions but what did she mean? What did she mean? Great. Now that's going to drive me crazy. Perhaps I am overthinking it... maybe I've just created this perfect image of her in my mind and I just can't picture her as anything else. That's got to be it, surely.

When we met she was scared, understandably so but at cretin's house she was feisty and demanding, just how I like her. Strong and confident. She stomped on one of the most dangerous leaders foot and got away with it. What a woman.

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For the next few days Charlie was comatose, the only sound was the heart monitored and her drip. Doctors and nurses came and checked on her, fed her antibiotics and changed her gown.

Ryder avoided coming to see her, whether that was because he couldn't bare to see her in such a state or because he couldn't face the truth he found within himself just nights before he didn't know. He step up to the door, convince himself to go in, sigh and then go back to his office. It was clearly driving him further up the wall with each day passing but there was nothing he could do, for now at least.

When he had got the call that Charlie was stable and awake he wanted to drop everything to go and see her but with the suspicion of the mole still on the rise he couldn't take a break - not until he was dead - when he could guarantee safety for everyone around him.

She had continued to recover on her own. With visits from Jake and Cecily there was no doubt that she would be recovered enough to travel. The physio therapist helped with her walking whilst Nathan tended to her wounds. Cecily brought her food and ate with her - they'd become good friends and that's certainly what she needed right now - a friend.

The nightmares didn't help her sleep, nor did it help with recovery. They eventually gave up with letting her sleep by herself and let her move to the room next to Cecily's. They gave her sleeping tablets, letting them work their magic but to no avail - she still woke up in sweats, crying and screaming.