In a Glance

it wasn't too long ago

Sometimes it isn't about the things that happened before but what will happen in the future after the said event.

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'Where are you off to?' I casually asked Jake even if I knew where he would go.

The night before, it seems surreal. Maybe I'm just to sleepy to take it all in last night or is it this morning?

Jake didn't answer, instead he gestured to the flowers he's holding and some other stuffs.

'Man, I told you about it last night?' Jake excitedly said it.

'Yeah, I think I know and remeber it?' I jokingly replied.

Then in just a few minutes, Jake's gone with the wind together wiith a few of our friends.

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'Class Dismissed. Let's meet two weeks from now' our research professor is so good. I mean our class days are M-W-F and research class falls on fridays. It means, long weekends. I'm so happy and excited.

'Aly, what's with that smile? You seem overly joyed by Sir Rivera's announcement.' Krisa said while where on our way out of the room.

'Of course, it means more time to go places right?' I replied.

'Yeah, I guess so. But we still have that project with our groups right?' that made my smile turn into a frown.

'Do I have to attend? Can I just work at the project at home? Should I just go home?' I said while packing my stuffs in my bag.

Krisa and I are already on our way to our respective group meetings. But even from afar it seems that students are flocking the gates. We both shared curious looks, thinking that there are like artist at the entrance we made our way through the crowd.

When we reach the gates, I got a glimpses of who's causing the ruckus, and I stopped midway. I turned around and went back inside, found a seat and controlled my beating heart.

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'Let me go!' I wanted to him to removed his arms around me, I wanted to to get away from him. I continued to wriggle my way out from his hold.

'People are now looking at us, your girlfriend might see us , she'll probably even get mad, No she'll definitely get mad and she'll...' I was caught off guard, he turned me around and embraced me tighter now. Then he whispered something that made me stopped fighting him to let me go.

He said that he only needed a few minutes, 'Just give me five minutes, just stay still and let me hold you' that's what he said. So I stayed still. I'm not thinking straight. I needed to break the the moment. I know whats gonna happen next. So I asked him.

'Why now?' after I muttered those words, he begun to loosen his embrace but he still had me enveloped in his arms.

He then looked me in the eyes and said 'I'm really sorry, I'm sorry for hurting you, for leaving you, for not being by your side at that time..' a tear fell from his eye another threatening to fall as well.

I removed myself from his grasp. I just stood there hands clasps together holding the tears that wanted to breakthrough the wall I built. This is the moment I feared that will happen, the day when he will bring it all up and tell me its all becuase of me, the reason why he left me was becuase of me.

He turned around, and took a step, I held back and stood still, wanting him to continue what he would say. I wanted him to say it out loud to me now.

'I'm asking you to forget everything. Don't let anyone know what happened between us. Let's pretend to be strangers even after if we cross paths.'

'And it wasn't because of you. It wasn't you.' he added.

I swallowed back the sobs that is beggining to arise in my chest and said..

'If that's what you really want. Then so be it. But answer this for me.'

'What is it?' he said that it sounded like a choked whisper.

'Is it I loved you or I do not love you?'

I can't really make out a question in my jumbled brain, I bjust blurted it out and yhen I left, and didn't looked back. I didn't wait for his reply. I stood straight and smiled. I smiled thinking that maybe its for the best. The words I've been wanting to hear for so long, he finally said it. Thats when my walls broke down.

I went to this place where no one knows but me. Then I cried it all out and the memories begun to come back and made me feel the pain again.

'He doesn't really love you, why? Cause look at yourself! He won't fall in love with you!'

'He just felt pity that's why he begun dating you, its all for the show.'

'He'll just leave you when he found out what your hiding from him..'

'He already found out thats why he left me! He didn't love me at all that's why he broke up with me! He felt the world at his shoulders poking him to get back to his senses and leave me for I'm not par to there standards'

I screamed to the wind the words I couldn't say out loud. I cried harder and let all those piled up emotions get out.

All those words still kept on circling in my head. I'm hating this. I'm hating the feeling of being worthless to the only person I..I..then the world seemed dark.

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I'm having a hard time to digesting whats happening in my mind right now, is it all true? I don't understand what's going on in my head. Its like visions or forgotten memories keep resurfacing and who is that guy?

I tried to gather my thoughts. I walked towards the gate, good thing the students flocking in the area had dispersed, I walked, but I'm getting dizzy. I saw a light post not too far and headed there.

'Aly, what happened to you?' startled by Krisa's voice coming out from nowhere now standing beside me.

'How come you look like..' she stopped then 'Oh my, did you take your meds?' I nodded but Krisa didn't believe me.

Then someone approached us, I looked up and saw Jake, looking extremely worried. He was about to carry me, but I stopped him. I told him I'm too heavy but it seems he didn't mind cause before I finished what I said he already had me in his arms and is now carrying me towards his car. Then the world turned dark. But I did hear someone, a voice that's too familiar calling my name and holding my hand.

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