In a Glance

Past Nights are so Stressful

"True to his words, he spent a day and forever to be with me but later on I felt cheated for he spent forever and a day with her."

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[Two Nights before]

'Man, that ain't right, you know?' Ken said before he gulped down a glass of beer.

'I know, but can I be selfish just this instance?' I replied before I chugged down my own glass.

'You've been too much to her. Even if she doesn't remember now, one day for sure, if you two will get back together and in the future, that moment could rift you apart for good.' Ken said but I can't argue with that thought.

Ken, is also one of my best friends, second to Jake. He was the one who knew about me and Ali. Everything about my relationship with Ali. I don't know why I didn't tell Jake about Ali before.  It just doesn't seem right at that time to tell Jake. Maybe, I didn't want Jake to lnow about her.

'But, the best thing you could do is tell her the whole truth.' Ken stopped cause he took a swig of beer and continued.

'Honestly Rhon, do you still love her? Or do you just feel like you have to make up for the time you hurt her or are you on a revenge plot something cause it  damages your reputation of dumping girls than you being left behind? What's the real deal? I'm actually confused on why we're having this conversation.'

'Man, I'm confused as you are. That time that I left her cause I hated her telling me to let her go and then comes that I wanted her back but I couldn't find her and when we crossed paths again, I wanted and needed her to be with me again. I felt a pang of jealousy when I see her with Jake. I felt like a part of me was missing and when she's near I felt complete safe. I..I.. Shouldn't feel this for I'm selfish for wanting her to be back with me now when most of the time I was with her, I didn't care or think about how she would feel if I..'

'When you were with a lot of girls especially Frances? The one you chose because Ali left you. Man, your just down and really confused. Lets end this drinking marathon and go home. Maybe tomorrow everything would be okay?' Ken drunk the beer straight. Stood up, and went to the cashier to pay the bill.

While I was sitting there head down gripping the bottle tightly and just that the bottle broke and my hand begun to bleed. But I sat there feeling numb and all.

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I just left him for three freaking minutes and now I see blood flowing on the table and he just looks like a zombie? Man, Rhon is really in deep sh*t! And it all looks wrong. I knew the moment he called me its gonna be a one long night. Though I was hoping it'll be a different kind of night but he was looking like this when Ali left or when he left Ali. It's like he was being the same way again. I wanted to leave him and just go, but being the best friend I was, I decided to just grab a cab and accompany him to a hospital.

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[Last Night]

I'm trying to be my normal self by doing things I did before. But it felt wrong most of the times to feel like nothing's wrong but in reality everything's complicated. I reread my diaries and look through again the photographs of events I didn't know that happened. Most of it is with Rhon and what I notice is that some pictures of us, he ain't looking at the camera but someplace else. Another is that pages of my diary had been ripped off or really missing. And lastly I found the first result of my diagnostics test to determine if I was really ill.

My parents were devastated when they found out, and I was too. It was the time that someone took notice of me and wanted me to feel like I could be love and there's that news that I can be okay if I just take medication and not fall in love not necessarily fLl in love but to not experience overdose in extreme emotions like love, deppresion, anger. But that was it, I fell in love that's why it has gotten worse when I was dating Rhon.  It was my decision not to tell him then it was that sometimes I forget I'm sick when I'm with him. I just realize it when he brings some memories back to talk about it. Then he found out and I just can't take it anymore so I broke it off.