It's been almost 2 and half month since mom and dad dropped the marriage bomb on me.
Honestly I knew one day or another this day would come and I've to face it , accept it and I was ready for it at least that's what I thought until the day I really had to face it.
There's no escape anymore. I want to stop it all of it. It feels so suffocating that I want to end it once for all.
Marrying someone I don't love would still work but marrying someone else when I already love someone doesn't. Not at all.
How do I bring myself to do that ? I know he doesn't love me I know everything yet it doesn't help.
The pain that I feel inside makes me realise suddenly that how deep my feelings are which i didn't realised until now until i knew I have to let go until I knew I can't be his anymore.
He wasn't mine to begin with it but at least I could call myself his and I did. How do I bring myself to love someone else ? The dreams I had with him the life I wanted with him how do I bring myself to live it with someone else ?
I'm not ready not yet but I know that as well that this is something I'd never be ready for ever no matter what.
I'd rather wait for him knowing well he would never come for me it's still feels right to wait for him hopelessly than being with someone who's not him.
I feel so helpless. All I want is to escape this reality and lose myself in a beautiful lie. How pathetic I know but what do I do ?
This heart belongs to him only so do I. This time even sameena couldn't help I know how badly she wants to but she and I both know she can't, no one can and she out of all knows better than anyone !
No one can take this pain and fear of loosing him away other than him. All I want to do is cry in his arms let it all out because it feels so heavy inside there.
Sounds too pathetic isn't it ? The one who gave me all the pain is the one who I want to take it all away... because he can but I know he won't and I have no one to blame for it.
After all I'm not the only one ,there would be so many people out there going through same or maybe worse? No one can blame anyone but themselves.
Thinking about all of this I couldn't help but feel more miserable and to make it even more miserable I went through my phone's gallery this is something I do lot more than I used to do in the past.
I know seeing him is the last thing I should do right now and try to accept the reality I have but I can't I swear I tried but I couldn't.
Opening the folder of his pictures a painful smile made its way to my lips at the same time a lone tear escaped my eye...
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