fetish { sunki }

sixteen.

flashback: 2 years ago

as soon as the door slammed behind riki, all he did was stand there. the male didn't move a muscle. it was as if all the feelings of hurt and anger had morphed into numbness. 

riki stared off into space. his brain was telling him to leave immediately but his heart was screaming at him to turn back around and walk back into the arms of the love of his life. though, it wasn't like he had that option anymore.

he took one step and his heart physically begun to ache. he didn't want to leave. he wanted to stay and attempt to fix everything but his pride was way too strong. 

the more riki continued to walk, the more he wanted to stay.

he didn't allow himself to cry. of course he wanted to but he didn't feel like he deserved to. he was the one who left after all. 

pulling his cell phone out his pocket, he called the one person he knew would answer so late at night, jay. jay is niki's older brother. technically not by blood but that didn't matter to them. they were brothers.

when niki was ten years old, he moved to korea all by himself. his parents didn't think he would flourish in japan since he wasn't doing well in school and would basically skip every day. they figured if he had a change in scenery, he would finally make friends and do well academically. so, they sent him to a host family in korea who had one son, which was jay.

ever since, niki chose to stay in korea for good and the two were inseparable. jay was three years older than him so he was a big brother figure that niki never had. of course he had his sisters but now he also had a brother. he had two families now.

"hello? riki? is everything okay?" jay instantly bombarded niki with questions as soon as he picked up the call. niki smiled at his brother's motherly behavior. jay was always like this, he was very protective of riki.

niki took a deep breath and tried to prevent his voice from trembling as he answered his brother's question. "me and sunoo broke up..." hearing himself say those words felt foreign and unreal. 

there was silence on the other side of the phone. jay knew how much the two were in love and obsessed with each other so he couldn't believe what he heard. every time the two spoke, sunoo was never-not mentioned. from all jay knew, the two were the happiest couple in the world so what could've changed that?

"...are you okay?" as much as jay wanted to pry the details out of the younger, he knew he had to just be there for him in this moment. the questions could come later. 

"i don't know... i don't think so." riki walked aimlessly. his mind was beyond crowded with thoughts. he couldn't even begin describe how he felt even if he wanted to.

"come home, we can talk when you get here." 

☾𖤓☾𖤓☾𖤓

"what happened?" the two siblings sat on the family home's sofas after jay handed niki some water. their parents were fast asleep since it was around 1am, so it was just the two of them in a quiet house. which is exactly what riki needed at the moment.

"we broke up." riki stated the obvious, jokingly but neither of them laughed. jay gave niki a look to indicate he was serious and was genuinely curious as to why he showed up with a broken heart.

"we were constantly arguing almost every day. we couldn't get along... and tonight we had our worst argument thus far about something stupid so i left. i couldn't take it anymore so i just packed my things and left him." riki stared at the coffee table without blinking. 

him saying the situation out loud made it more real for him. his heart was heavy and hurting. he continued to stare off into space.

"what did you argue about?" jay didn't want to make his brother more upset but he knew that if riki talked about the situation instead of holding everything in, it would be healthy for him. 

niki didn't respond for a moment, still stuck in his own mind. "we argued about not being able to communicate. he was upset that i wouldn't express to him what i was feeling and i was upset that he kept pressuring me to talk about my feelings when i didn't want to." 

"it seems like you guys argued about more than that..." jay knew riki wasn't telling the entire truth. there was just no way the younger would give up on their relationship that easily, he loved sunoo too much. 

"can i be completely honest?" this time, niki finally made eye contact with jay. jay nodded in response, he wanted his brother to know that he'd always have a safe place where he could be 100% transparent and tell the truth with no judgement.

"we broke up because of me." jay furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "i know i didn't deserve him so i kept getting jealous over every little thing." niki finally was being honest with himself.

"so you kept getting angry because you were jealous and you were jealous because you don't think you deserved him and assumed he would eventually get tired of you?" jay knew the younger extremely well, like the back of his hand so it wasn't hard for him to understand.

"well it sounds bad when you put it that way..." jay rolled his eyes. his brother was 21 years old but still didn't know how to deal with his own emotions. 

"i mean it is pretty bad. you probably really hurt sunoo and he didn't even know the full reason. maybe it is good that you two are apart now. you both should take time and work on yourselves." even though he knew jay was right, he didn't want to hear it. 

"yeah..." riki felt immense emptiness. his heart felt hollow. 

 ☾𖤓☾𖤓☾𖤓

riki sat on his bed and thought about everything that happened that night. he knew he had to get over sunoo, whether he was ready or not. he still felt bitter towards sunoo about their arguments and the hurtful words they shared but he also was devastated.

the male crawled into his empty bed and finally allowed the tears to fall. he missed sunoo.

the bed felt so much larger when you don't have the person you love beside you. you often take their warmth and comfort for granted, until it's gone. 

he allowed himself to grieve the relationship he just lost. and allowed himself to hurt. it was just him in the room so he had no distraction from feelings he had and it was so, so, painful.

this was the day he promised to never fall in love with anyone else, ever again.

☾𖤓☾𖤓☾𖤓