fetish { sunki }

twenty one.

there was nothing but utter silence between the two as they sat on the couch. there was much to say but both lacked the confidence to say it.

sunoo began to grow sleepier as the seconds past by. "okay, i'm going to bed. you're sleeping here since it's late. i don't want you to fall asleep behind the wheel if you try to go home." the older of the two suddenly got up from the cushion and began to walk towards his bedroom.

riki just sat there not really knowing what to do. where would he even sleep? the couch was without a doubt, way too small for the blond to sleep on. his questions were soon to be answered.

"what are you doing? come on, i'm tired." sunoo waved over for the latter to follow him. the blond hesitated for a moment. was the male actually telling him to sleep in the same bed right now or was he just imagining things.

"are you coming or not..." sunoo huffed out in frustration, the younger was taking too long just to get up and come into the room.

riki immediately stood up and began walking in the same direction as the other. admittedly, the younger was exhausted as well. today was one of his longest days at work so rest was well needed.

once the two made it into the dark room, sunoo turned on the light so he could grab clothes for the other to sleep in. 

"here, you can wear the clothes you gave me when we got caught in rain. the bathroom is through that door." the raven placed the clothes in the other's hands.

"thanks." niki walked through the door sunoo pointed to and changed into the clothing.

when he was finished, he walked back into the room and turned off the light.

the only thing illuminating the room was from the moon light seeping through the blinds. 

the blond walked onto the opposite side of the large bed and just stood there because he still wasn't sure if it was actually okay to sleep in the same bed as his ex lover. 

"it's not like we've never slept together. hurry up and get on the bed, nishimura." 

riki got startled by the sudden voice that rang in his ears. the younger had assumed sunoo was already asleep by then, so he didn't expect to hear him speak.

he slowly lifted up the covers and slid his way into the soft bed, making sure there was a great distance between their bodies. 

the male stared at the ceiling once he was finally comfortable. he questioned how he would be able to sleep in these awkward conditions.

"thank you." 

niki looked over after hearing the older speak once again. he was able to see the latter now, since his eyes were well adjusted to the darkness.

"for what? it seems like i've only caused you trouble." the blond chuckled dryly. there was nothing the raven had to have gratitude for.

"for worrying about me." sunoo responded while he laid on his side, facing the other. 

"you shouldn't thank me. i know i'm the reason you left in the first place." riki turned his head back up towards the ceiling. sunoo just observed riki's side profile as he thought about the both of them and everything they've gone through.

"hey riki?" sunoo called out to the man beside him another time.

"hm?"

"why did we break up?" this question made niki freeze for a moment. his heart began to pump faster as all the devastating memories started to flash before his own eyes.

riki thought about his answer for a while. "i know we used to argue all the time, but what was the real reason?" sunoo asked again. 

the older knew there had to be a deeper reason that they started to fall apart.

"honestly, i think it's because i was afraid of losing you." the taller adjusted his head back over so that he was looking at sunoo again.  

their eyes met and time took a halt. no one said a word.

"what do you mean?" sunoo's tiredness had washed away at this point. he wanted to know the answers to the questions he's been continuously asking himself for the past two and a half years. he wanted to hear it from riki.

"i knew i didn't deserve you. so i kept getting jealous of everyone who wanted to get near you. i was scared you'd find someone better than me that actually deserved you. i guess i figured that if i turned that fear into anger, i wouldn't get hurt. which was obviously not the case because i ended up hurting us both in the process." the blond let everything out with a sad smile. 

he finally allowed his heart to show that vulnerability that he hid from, for all those years.

sunoo was taken aback by the response he received but didn't know how he felt about it.

"i know it sounds dumb now, but that's what i felt at the time. i let my own insecurities break us apart.." riki sighed, he was frustrated with his past self. 

sunoo felt the urge to comfort riki, he could tell that the latter had been beating himself up about this the entire time. 

sunoo reached his hand over and gently held the other's hand. niki was caught off guard by the sudden touch. butterflies danced around in the pit of his stomach. 

"it does sound a little dumb." sunoo broke the silence as the corners of his mouth lifted into a comforting smile. riki couldn't help but reciprocate the contagious smile emitting from the one beside him.

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