Because I Promised

Twenty | Addicted

When people suffer addictions, they are offered a twelve step program to wean themselves off of whatever their addiction may be. For some it's drugs and alcohol. For others it's gambling or violence. My addiction can't be narrowed down and fixed by a twelve step program. For me, the addiction is Alison and everything having to do with her.

I'm addicted to thinking about her and remembering her and talking about her. She consumes my every thought. Every surface she ever touched in my bedroom is covered in memories of her. If I listen to her favorite songs, I can hear the way she would sing them.

I'm not sure if being addicted to a person is part of the grieving process. Does everyone feel this way when they lose a loved one?

Do they go over every moment they every spent with them? Does it begin to become this twisted addiction?

At least if I get lost in remembering, I don't have to face things without her.

I think therapy is supposed to "fix" these things. I think these things are part of being broken and therapy is supposed to help me learn how to fix them.

The only think I've learned in therapy is how to avoid questions and waste an hour of everybody's time. 

i know this is a weirdly written and short but it's just a device to gear up for the end. i originally planned this to be 25 chapters, but i've written it as 22 with an epilogue so get ready for the end folks. the next chapter will also be short but the last two parts after that are nice and hefty.