nsb oneshots!!!!

insults (oliryan)

t//w: mentions of past abuse, ptsd and sharp insults. don't read if you're uncomfortable with any of these.

The last few weeks had been hard on all of the members. They were on tour so it was stressful for all of them. Especially Oliver. He was performing on stage plus he had other backstage duties. Making sure there were no technical difficulties before each show, checking the backtracks, all the while having to get his outfits ready and mixing new songs. He was up almost every night. It resulted in him being very irritable. None of the members spoke one extra word to him. The entire time they were on tour and travelling, none of them bothered Oliver, except for when they were filming. The spark in Oliver seemed to turn off as soon as the cameras turned off. If any of them tried to talk to Oliver or joke with him, he would lash out on them.

On one of these days, Oliver was checking each equipment; in-ears, mics, speakers. He was running the backing vocals and it kept on glitching. He grew more irate. When he finally got it right, he was really angry. He took a deep breath and went to the changing rooms. He didn't say a word to anyone. He didn't even acknowledge anyone's presence.

Ryan, who was growing restless without Oliver's attention, decided to talk to him. He hadn't had one conversation with Oliver since they were on tour. When he saw Oliver exit the changing rooms and approach their sitting area/waiting area, he looked up from his phone. He smiled at Oliver, but Oliver looked annoyed. Oliver pointed at Ryan's phone. "Can't you be more useful?" He asked Ryan calmly. "I was jus-just practicing my lines. I sat down with my phone just now." "Honestly speaking, what good are you anyway? You're a weird shut-in who doesn't know how to interact with anyone. Even during group lives or streams you just sit in ine corner with your phone. Your existence seems almost useless. The only thing you do is exist. The rest of us work hard for whatever followers we have. You didn't even have to do that. You just post a picture and people start falling in love with you. The only reason you're in this group is for your looks. You're good for nothing other than that." Oliver's random targetted insult rant stunned everyone silent. Ryan was teary eyed. He saw his vision going blurry as tears slowly made their way down. Sebastian shoved Oliver into the changing rooms and followed him inside. Darren and Justin sat on either side of Ryan, wiping his tears. "He didn't mean what he said. He's very not himself right now. I just hope he owns up to what he just did and apologizes." Ryan nods, wiping away the last of his tears.

Meanwhile in the changing rooms, Sebastian basically exploded on Oliver. "Why the fuck did you have to say all that shit to him! You know he's already insecure as it is and you just had to say all that to make it worse? He tries his best and he works just as hard as we do. You have no fucking right to be the judge of his hard work and if he's useless or not." Oliver doesn't respond. His guilt is eating him up but he refuses to say anything. Sebastian watches him for five minutes before sighing and leaving the room. "It's almost time for the show to start. Come."

The entire time they're on stage, every time Ryan looks at Oliver, his heart swells with sadness. Tears threaten to fall. But Ryan blinks them back. Every time Oliver looks at Ryan's hurt expression, his guilt eats at him. Even after they got off stage, Oliver still didn't have the courage to go to Ryan and apologize. He didn't know how to. All the members were super upset with Oliver. But Oliver pretended not to notice. He decided to drive in a separate car from the others. He drove around town, trying to calm his nerves down enough to talk to Ryan and apologize.

When he walks into the hotel lobby, Manager Ty is just sitting on a couch, staring at his phone. Oliver tries his best to go unnoticed. But Ty sees him and walks up to him. "I heard him in his room. He has a habit of talking to himself when he's upset. He was saying things like 'I disappointed Oliver,' 'I let him down,' 'He takes care of all of us and takes on so much work and I can't even try to step out of my comfort zone,' 'Maybe I'm just too selfish,' 'Oliver is probably right, I'm not even useful to the group, I really am useless,' I heard him say shit like that, Oliver. We know you're having a hard time performing and managing the tour. But you actually did hurt Ryan. You hurt him bad. He loves you so fucking much. He was telling me yesterday how much he misses spending time with you but he's to scared and shy to ask. I felt so bad for him when you said those things to him. He didn't deserve all that. He also deals with his own shit. I can't imagine what it must've been like to be insulted like that in front of so many people. He's already insecure as it is. The least you can do is go up and apologize." Oliver sighs. "I am going up to him. I want him to know I love and appreciate him too. God, I fucked up so bad."

He stands in front of Ryan's hotel room. He hesitates for a second before knocking. When Ryan opened the door, he looked so sad and devastated. Oliver could see the roll of his throat. Ryan took a step back in his room, it was Oliver's cue to enter. He shut the door behind him and followed Ryan inside. "Ryan, I am so sorry for saying what I said earlier. I know it affected you pretty bad and my words alone can't fix everything, but I really am sorry. I shouldn't have said all that and I didn't mean any of it. I was super frustrated and I lashed out on you. I'm so so sorry." Ryan stayed silent for a few minutes. Oliver looked at Ryan. His fists were clenched in his lap and he was clearly holding back tears. "You know, when you said all that, I felt like a true failure. I felt like I failed you, I failed the group. When you called me.....useless I just felt so insignificant. You are one of the only people I trust in this entire world and hearing all that from you really fucked me up good for a few hours." He looks like he is about to say something else but he breaks down crying. Oliver reaches out to hug him but Ryan scoots away. "I'm sorry." Ryan says. "Why are you apologizing, Ry?" "I'm sorry for this. Sorry for acting like a crybaby." "Um, Ty overheard you mumbling some stuff to yourself. Could you tell me what that was about?" Ryan was silent again. He looked like he was contemplating. He finally spoke up. "I think you already know I'm adopted." Oliver nodded. "It's what happened before I was living with my adoptive parents. My biological parents were addicts and alcoholics. I was expected to clean up after they made a mess after drinking. They would argue and break stuff. I would clean them. My bio dad was always calling me a useless son of a bitch. He would also say that I would amount to nothing when I'm older. He never once laid a finger on me. Neither of them did. But they wrecked me emotionally. It wasn't until I was 11 that my neighbors noticed something was wrong. They called CPS and yeah, now I'm here." He said all this so casually but he was crying the entire time. Oliver finally put his arms around Ryan, pulling him closer. He felt like he had a lump in his throat and his eyes were burning. Ryan pulled him closer and just silently cried. Oliver was running his fingers through Ryan's hair. "Ry, I'm so sorry for saying what I said to you. I love you so much and I am sorry for hurting you."
Ryan just smiled up at him and hugged him.

thank you for reading!
this one was one hell of a ride to write. I kept hitting delete and undo. writing about any type of abuse makes me so sad yet i relate so much to mental and physical abuse that it feels empowering to write. i may be young but i've gone through shit that a lot of people haven't. writing about fucked mental health and abuse is so easy for me and maybe that's why this book already has many chapters about mental health issues and abuse. there will probably be a lot more. love ya'll<3