Collide - Tom Kaulitz

Voice Of My Heart.

Bill and Maeve had decided to take turns looking after Tom. Currently Bill was up there, just in case Tom needed anything when he woke up.

Maeve sat out on the balcony, a blanket covering her as she sat on a chair.

She couldn't recall how long she had been sitting out there. Not that she minded. It was calm and quiet, no one was there to judge her. Just the trees and the birds.

The sound of her phone ringing broke the peace. 'Emilia' came up on the screen causing Maeve to answer immediately.

"MAEVE! hi, oh my goodness how are you?" The words spilt out of Emilia quickly, like she couldn't wait to speak.

The rush of words caused Maeve to laugh, Emilia hadn't changed a bit.

"Hey, I'm doing ok." Maeve nodded her head along to her words. She wasn't sure if she believed them entirely, but Emilia didn't need to know that.

"Sorry I missed your call the other day. I didn't get a moments peace. Honestly, you'd think some people are getting paid to bother you by the way they're always showing up."

Maeve smiled as she listened to Emilia ramble on.

"How long has it been since we last talked? I was in France, so it must have been what? Nearly two years?"

It had been exactly six hundred and fifty two days. Maeve would often find herself counting each day when it passes. She never told anyone about her habit, most people would probably think it's weird. She didn't know why she does it, she just does.

"Yeah." Maeve spoke. She found herself bouncing her knee as one hand fiddled with her claddagh ring.

"You wouldn't think it from your vague responses." Emilia huffed, "where are you this time? Somewhere exciting?"

Maeve hesitated before answering.
"I'm in LA." She finally spoke. I, uh, I actually met Bill and Tom again. Tom wasn't too happy to see me, but Bill was." Maeve breathed out a laugh. She hoped Emilia couldn't detect the the pain in her voice.

"No way! God, I haven't seen them in ages! Have they changed?"

Maeve swallowed the lump in her throat, "in appearance, yes. However their personalities haven't. Well Bill's definitely haven't. Tom only shows his angry side to me most times. But I've seen a little bit of his usual self." She found herself thinking back to the other night. When Tom looked after her, his little comments and smirks. They hadn't changed.

"Why is he so angry with you?" Emilia questioned.

"For leaving and then sudden returning into his life. I understand though. It was a shitty thing to do." Mave sighed.

"Still, it's been like nine years." Emilia reasoned.

Maeve heard the movement of fabrics coming from the phone. She presumed Emilia was getting into bed.

"So. You two definitely had a thing going on in Germany. Is it still there?"

It was almost as if Emilia was reading her thoughts, feeling her emotions. Maeve sucked in a breath quickly. Her heart sped up as she felt a sob build in her throat. Her knee continued to bounce up and down, faster each time. She wanted to lie, pretend like everything was fine and she had moved on. It seemed so stupid to have not moved on after nine years. She was an adult now, she was supposed to be wiser now. Yet, she felt like she was a teenager again, travelling from Ireland to Germany with her best friend.

She tried speaking again, but a cry escaped her lips before she could. She tried being quiet, but Emilia heard it.

"Oh love," Emilia cooed. "What's wrong?" She had a voice filled with comfort. It was almost like she was sitting right beside Maeve and not talking through a phone.

Maeve's voice was shakey and lost all confidence. "Emilia." She whispered, "Emilia I think I'm still in love with him."

Her throat began to hurt the more she cried. Her cheeks were stained with tears, they didn't seem to stop.

Emilia was silent for a moment, allowing Maeve to cry and get all her emotions out.

"I feel so shitty." Maeve laughed, a humourless one that only held pain and anger. "My whole life I convinced myself that I would end up alone, and that that was what I wanted. And now I'm surrounded by people with families and who are in relationships, and it just makes me feel so lonely." She sobbed, she wiped her tears away but they continued rolling down her cheeks.
"Everything was so perfect when I was constantly moving, I didn't feel like this. When in reality I was just running from the truth. And now that's I've stopped moving, it's all drowning me." She tried her hardest to prevent another cry from leaving her. She forced her breathing to slow down.

"You were a teenager, Maeve. All teenagers try to avoid truth and reality. It's not your fault. But your faced with it now. Being honest with yourself, and Tom, is the best thing you can do. You need to figure out what you want. Only you can do that."

Emilia continued talking. Everything sounded so simple coming out of her mouth.

Maeve felt like a child as she listened to her friend speak. Desperately searching for answers in Emilia's words, things that would tell her to keep on running from her problems. She didn't find them. Emilia only spoke the truth, which was to start being honest with herself and face things head on instead of running away.

"I don't even have an excuse to run anymore." Maeve admitted. "My work is being recognised by large brands and businesses. I have job offers coming from every direction, all here in America."

"You want a sign to stay in America." Emilia asked, "that's it. Everything you crave is in America. Regardless if it's a relationship or your career. Allow yourself that opportunity."

Maeve's head lolled back as her eyes closed.
"I'm sorry for burdening you with this." She whispered.

Emilia chuckled.
"That's what friends are for."

Although Maeve couldn't see her, she could picture the smile Emilia definitely had on her face. That big, toothy grin that suited her so well.

"I love you." Maeve said softly.
"I love you too." Emilia responded.

When the call ended Maeve opened her eyes and straightened herself on the chair.
She scene before her hadn't changed, only the sky had turned a beautiful pink colour aswell as the clouds. She stared at her phone before putting it back into her trouser pocket under the blanket.

"Tom's awake if you two want to talk."

Maeve jumped instantly from her position from the sudden voice behind her. Bill stood at the balcony door smiling warmly at her.

Maeve's eyes widened and her face reddened.
"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to know that I need to give Emilia Hubert a call. She seems to give good advice." Bill raised a brow, his arms folded over his chest.

His face became serious.
"If you have feelings for Tom, you should tell him."

Maeve looked down at her intertwined hands, "I wouldn't know how." She muttered. "Anyways, what if he doesn't feel the same?"

Bill scoffed at her, like that was completely idiotic to even consider.
"Stop making excuses." He gave her one last smile before turning his back to her and leaving the room.

Maeve sighed in defeat. It didn't seem like she had many other options this time.

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