Ghost Kiss

Deacon

     The rest of the week goes by normally. Today though, today is different. Lily came home and was telling me everything she did today. And then she tells me she's thinking about taking Professor Caius up on his offer of tutoring because of how worried she is about passing his class.

     "Are you sure that's the best idea?" I ask her. I'm uncomfortable with the whole thing. I mean what professor gives his phone number out to students? Email, sure. But a phone number, no, something is wrong there. "I don't know how else I'm going to pass his class. I'll do the tutoring until I get an idea of what exactly he expects out of assignments, that way I know what to do for the rest of the year." She says. I understand where she's coming from but I still don't like it.

     "What about the diner? How are you going to have time for classes, the diner, and tutoring?" I ask her as she's putting her stuff down. She stands back up and looks at me, "I'm only going to have to make it work for a short time. It's not like I'll be tutoring for the whole year." She says it as matter of factly.

     "I just don't think it's a good idea, you might be biting off more than you can chew," I say trying to sound more like I'm caring about her busy schedule than anything else. "You don't think I can handle it?" That backfired. "I know you can handle it. You're a strong woman and I know you can do anything." I say truthfully. "Then what's the problem?" she asks.

     I decide I just need to be honest with her. "I just got a bad feeling about this. I mean why did he have to give you his phone number? How come he didn't keep it professional and give you his email? A phone number seems pretty personal to me. It just doesn't feel right."

     "I guess I don't understand the difference." she shrugs off and turns around. I stop her though, I feel a need to get this out in the open. "What if it's more than just tutoring?" She needs to understand where I'm coming from. "What more could it be?" she asks me innocently. I just stare at her with my eyebrows raised hoping I don't really have to say it out loud. Success, I don't.

     "Are you serious? He's my professor. Is that the real reason you think this is a bad idea? You're jealous? So I'm supposed to put your jealousy about me possibly getting this passing grade and graduating? What are you expecting from this?" Lily's mad now. I didn't want this. I try to just concede. "You know what, your right? He's a professor and probably like, what, 50 or 60 years old? I'm just being ridiculous. Please, I don't want to fight."

     "So now your play is why would he be interested in me in the first place?" Far from it. "No, that's not what I'm saying at all." How did we end up here? She stomps halfway up the stairs. When I go to follow her, she turns around and points at me, "For your information I don't think age should matter at all, and he's only around 40." I'm getting mad now. "That's still twice your age." I bark at her. "Yea well, how old would you be if you were still alive? Bet you wouldn't mind the age gap then!" OUCH! That really hurt.

     She looks as if she regrets the words immediately after saying them, especially after seeing my reaction. But I wasn't about to keep standing there. For the first time, I purposefully dissipated. I still watched her. Her shoulders sagged and she walked up the stairs. She went to the bathroom and I hear the water start running for her shower.

     Then I hear it. She's crying in the shower. I hate this. I want to console her. But at the same time, what she said hurt me like nothing before. Also, I doubt she would appreciate me showing up in her shower. I have no other choice than to just sit here and listen to her cries.

     When she comes back out, she stops in the hallway. "I'm sorry." is all she says before going into her bedroom. Why can't this be easier? Why am I even still here? Why have I not been able to 'move on' yet? Would I 'move on' knowing it would mean leaving her behind?