My mother was compassionate, she was a version of a real-life example of what Christ wanted us to be. She wasn't judgmental, she was selfless and thoughtful. I watched her make decisions even when they weren't the best for her, but they were the best for us. I watched her sacrifice and be slow to anger. I watched her forgive and still help out her enemies. I watched her turn the other cheek and see the best in people. I watched her care for other children even when she had her own to look out for on her own. I watched her be persecuted for her kindness. I watched her go through so much and be so strong. My mother was resilient. I got that from her. What happened to her and what she endured didn't define her. My mother is the definition of not looking like what you've been through. My mom was blessed and highly favored. She did what God called her to do, and she laid down the foundation of God in our hearts. All of her children have humility deeply embedded in us. That is something that we learned by simply watching her. Children learn by seeing and then repeating. If you have a comment on how well her children are mannered or are kind, we learned it from her. See, even if we don't remember exact memories, the foundation is there because that is what was taught to us.
Mommy, I am sorry that I can't remember every good thing. I was always so focused on the negative things that I skimped out on a lot of my good memories. Mommy, if you could see us now! We're all happy and are doing so well. Your legacy, we are living for God. I know you would be so proud. We're learning and we're growing. Facing our fears. I'm learning to love myself mommy. I'm finally shifting my focus; I'm starting to stop dwelling on things that aren't important. I'm trusting God and I'm pursuing my relationship with him. I got through high school; you know how terrified I was getting prepared that summer. I went to prom! I still don't know where the guts came from LOL... omg... and you definitely know because I'm your daughter. I'm so glad I went. Mommy I'm married! I know you would love Devonte. It's crazy how much he fits me. He was also my first boyfriend and my first kiss. We started dating when I was a month and a couple days from being 18. Devonte was there at the beach with us when we spread your ashes, and he got to meet daddy. So, I am happy about that. We were both virgins and waited until we got married. It's like a fairytale, I know. We got married at the courthouse and then we had a little wedding with the family and friends closest to us. I would have loved for you and daddy to had been there, but I promise I wasn't said. God ensured that I was happy, and you guys were celebrated. I know you won't actually hear me or be able to read this. I know that you have been resting for 11 years. You deserve that rest. I can't wait to see you in heaven mommy. I miss you; I miss your voice; I miss your humor and your character. I miss learning things from you. I miss your confidence. I miss seeing you glue weave in your head and the smell of the bonding glue while you toot your lips out because you're focused. I miss when you would sit all your girls down in the kitchen and do all our hair, rotating a section on a head at a time. Mommy, I learned so much from you. I know you would've loved so many of these movies that came out since you've been gone. You taught me how to cook, how to shop for groceries. Mommy I truly admired you. I loved having you as my mother. I learned what it means to sacrifice and have empathy for others, from you. I learned kindness. How to treat others the way I want to be treated. I learned how to be funny from you. I knew how to do things honestly by watching you. I learned how to work, earn my share and find joy in doing it. Gosh, I hate how much of it I don't remember. I can't remember what your voice sounds like and it bothers me so bad. I wish my friends could have met you, I wish Devonte and his family could have met you. I wish I could remember verbatim all the talks you used to have with us. I wish you could be here when I need you, for you to protect me from the people who take advantage of me and abuse me simply because you're not here. But I won't be naive... I know nothing happens by coincidence. Not to children of God. God is my comfort, my protector, my strength, and my joy. The same as he was for you. That makes me so happy to know that I'm not alone... and that you were never alone. It fills my heart with joy knowing that the same comfort God gives me, that he's given to you also. I see how you were able to be so resilient. Mommy you walked with purpose; you exuded confidence. I know at times you were scared but you knew where your help came from. Mommy, I'm starting not to care about setting people straight when they make assumptions about you. When they judge you and then judge us... It's okay. God said, "As we share abundantly in Christs sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." 2 Corinthians 1:5 Mommy I can now see why a lot of things transpired. I no longer despise all the hard times; I appreciate the struggle that we had. God said "When troubles of any kind come your way, consider it a great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow." James 1:2-3
P.S. This is tough, sitting here writing this but nevertheless, I'm encouraged. I feel empowered to do anything,,, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
