Letters for you

To my 1st Sister 18th June 2015

I know that this is stupid, but I can't say this out loud. I know you're probably expecting me to say how much I hate you, but I don't.

You make me angry from time to time but you're amazing. You probably don't think I realise but I know you care. You always look out for me, make sure I'm okay. I wish I could say I was there for you like you were, but I wasn't.

Dispite what people say and what you think, you are kind and clever.

I take you for granted, that's for sure.

You've effected my life so much and I can't believe you don't even know.

You stopped me running away, you probably don't remember but I was 8/9 and I had a plan.

At night I would leave with the money I saved(£136), obviously I didn't realise that wasn't enough. Leave to the train station and get the train and stay at some park.
You convinced me not to leave and I didn't. You saved my life that night.

I was 9 and you were there on my last suicide attempt that period of time.(intil 3 years later)

I was at the top of the stairs ready to jump/fall.

Three.....

Two....

One... you opened that bathroom door and saw me at the top of the stairs. From what you saw it just looked like I was about to run down the stairs.

You save my life once again.

I know this letter is probably pointless but I need you to know that you made my life worth living. You were the big sister that saved me twice and maybe more. I always wanted to be like you.

You were intelligent, pretty, kind and caring.

I know you're going to have a good life or deserve one.

You're my bigger sister who I will always love. I'm sorry that I was a rubbish sister and friend. I'm sorry you have to put up with me.

From the person you looked after.