Letters for you

To My Bully 16th June 2015

I thought forever, about what I was going to write. How I want you to feel how I felt, to make you cry, but this is what you got.

I am sorry.
I'm sorry, that you hate me, that you feel happy making me cry, because you must really have it bad, for me to be your sorce of entertainment.

I'm sorry, that I was the thing that got you through the day, when you were the reason I could barely make it through mine.

You made me cry.

And now because of you I can't look in the mirror without insulting myself, I don't know how to trust, I have tears in my eyes whenever someone mentions primary school.

But it's not all your fault. I shouldn't have listened, I shouldn't have cared.

I was only six and should have loved myself but I didn't. Instead I was crying myself to sleep, planning on running away.

I know it's my fault as well as yours but you shouldn't have said what you did.

You didn't have to say what you did, but you did and I tried.

I was nine when you told me to die. I tried and now that stuck with me.

Attempted suicides before I was even ten. On an average, humans live a life of 70 years and I wanted to end mine at nine. Don't get me wrong I still do.

I just want you to know, that you aren't the reason my life turned out shit. But instead I want you to know that those ten suicide attempts before my tenth birthday are on you as well as me. The random pills I find and take just to harm myself are on you. The marks across my body are your fault, just as it is mine.

I'm sorry that I still have a grudge but at least you got what you always wanted. To be remembered.

From the girl you called fat, nerd, bitch, chubby, shit, useless, pathetic and others.