His Always: Book 1 Rhodes Character Series

Chapter 13: Natalie

I'm awake, but I don't open my eyes. I don't want to alert the voices I hear talking in my room. I need space, I think, I don't know actually. I'm so fuzzy. Gosh, why am I so fuzzy. I hear a male voice in the distance. My heart-rate picks up before I can even control it. Dang it - so much for trying to alert anyone. I keep my eyes closed, though.

"Natalie...are you awake? You're safe. It's Madison." I don't want to freak out. I try to take a deep breath, but I am reminded of the trauma my stomach has endured. My baby. I can't think of her or him. Gosh, I don't even know the gender. I want to know the gender. My eyes fly open. I see Madison's startled face. "Madison - I want to know if it was a boy or a girl. Please, can you find out?" I practically beg. She doesn't initially respond. A tear slips down her cheek before she steps back into James - who looks like he's lost his words too. James steps forward and sits on the edge of the bed, "I don't have that answer for you yet Natalie. I did order genetic testing to confirm the baby's sex for you." He chokes out the last part. I stay silent. How did I not pick up on the fact that I was pregnant? I am a doctor. My mind is spinning of the last couple of weeks. How did I miss it. The first thought that comes to mind is how tired I was. I mean - I was exhausted the last few weeks. But more exhausted than usual? I don't know.

James interrupts my thoughts again. "You should know your IUD was removed during your operation. I know I am not your OB - but I made the call. I wanted to give your body enough time to regulate your hormones from the miscarriage. I want you to schedule a follow-up with your provider to make sure you get fully recovered. Does that sound okay? I can go schedule something now - I want you fully assessed before I sign off on you to go home." I don't respond. Or look up. Or acknowledge him in anyway. I don't even know if I can process this. I wasn't pregnant. Then I was. Now, I'm not. How did I miss all the signs. I should know my own body.

"Nat? Did you hear me? I want to get you an exam before you leave. Tell me who you would feel most comfortable with and consider it done. We can wait until Thomas gets here for some moral support before anything happens. This is on your terms. You make all the calls, I promise." My brain isn't working. I feel useless. I laugh - out loud, I think. I laugh again.

"Thomas? Thomas? You think Thomas is going to help me. You all are fucking comical." I am crying now. I can feel the tears on my cheek but not I don't feel like I am crying. I can't breathe. I feel the panic rising in my throat again. I look up at Madison - who is speaking but I can't hear her. I can't hear anything actually. I open my mouth to speak. My voice doesn't even sound like my own. "Thomas is the whole reason I am here." Madison grabs my hand and squeezes it.

"Natalie what are you talking about? You aren't making any sense? You are scaring me." A phone rings in the background and the main door to my room opens. My eyes dart over - has Thomas come back for more? It's just Eric. Where is Pen? I just really want Madison and Pen. They understand me. The phone is still ringing. No one is speaking. Everyone is just starring at me. It's making the panic worse. "Don't you dare fucking drug me again." I yell when I see James make a move to grab my IV line. Madison moves to lay down next to me. "Shhhh, I am right here. Just focus on the sound of my voice. I don't care what happened. We can figure that out later. No one is making you do anything. No one is going to do anything to you without your permission. But I need you to breathe with me. If you don't breathe with me - the boys are going to freak out more, okay?" I close my eyes. But that just brings the flashbacks back. I think about the sound my scalp made when my hair separated from my skin. The phone is ringing again.

"I can't close my eyes." I cry harder. "I need to shower. Can you help me shower? Please?" Eric stands from my bed. I didn't even realize he sat down. "Nat - it's Eric." He pushes some stray hairs out of my face gently. "I don't want you to shower yet with your incisions. Okay? Can I get you something else? Can I get you something to eat?" The phone is ringing again. Sweet heaven. Does no one answer thier phone anymore? I feel annoyed. I thought Madison just said I call the shots. No one owns me - I can make my own decisions. I push Madison off me gently. I am not really upset at her. I make an attempt to stand. Frick. My vision goes blurry. I can't hold in the gasp that escapes the back of my throat.

Eric is the next to speak. "Well - I never promised anything to anyone. You are my patient, under my care. I was the leading surgeon on your case. I am making all the calls. You are my patient, you are my responsibility. I will oversee your entire recovery. I don't know what happened to you, Nat. But you are like a sister to me. I'm sorry - but I make the calls on this whether you like it or not." The shock his lecture makes me feel shakes me back into reality.

"Can we clear the room so I can look over Natalie, please?" I don't speak as everyone shuffles around. The phone rings again. I groan and open my mouth to speak but Eric beats me to it. "For the love of - can someone answer their phone?" Finally, I internally think. Madison turns on the way out - "It's your phone, Eric." I laugh. Eric scrambles to get the phone off the couch. The door closes as he turns off the ringer. "Nothing is more important than you right now, Natalie." I roll my eyes. "Well, I really want to shower but I guess that's up to you Mr. I am in charge." I don't hide the sass in my tone. The frustration of my current situation is setting in.

"How about I check you out head to toe. Full assessment. Then we can discuss the shower. Okay?" I nod. I will never admit it but him taking charge feels freeing to me. It makes me relax more. It makes my mind stop thinking for a second. "Just do whatever you have to do."