Summer season of August [Daerin]

Chapter 32

August 1, 2021

"Hanni, can you please stop making impulsive decision?"

Hanni continued packing her things without even minding me. I know that I was so shit as a lover here. Why would I even think of the past when the present is in front of me? Why I'm so envious of Haneul? She's dead. I should be respecting her death and her relationship with Danielle. It was my fault why Danielle fell for her in the very first place. I got no courage before so why? why would I let myself lost Hanni when she's all I ever got since my life started falling apart?

"Please...you know I was sorry, right?" I said while looking at her with my weary eyes.

"If you're sorry then come with me. Let's head back to Boston." Hanni stated without even looking at me.

How? How should I? How could I? I'll be a very bad daughter then.I'll be a useless part of the family. I came here to grieve and to take care of Mom. I know she's having a hard time eventhough she doesn't spit a word about pain. How can I leave her? I know 2 months will be somehow enough in any case but we haven't been here in two months yet.

Not yet...

"Hanni..."

"If you don't wanna, then don't. I love you Haerin, but do you think I can't ever find a better person than you? You're not even better. All you did was to depend on me." she stated that's why I heavily breathed and walks toward the window to breathe some air.

I don't wanna lose her...

"So what if you lose her? Do you want to get tied with someone you don't love?"

How would it be?

"Haerin, choose someone you love. It'd be hard to end up with someone you don't even love. I don't want you to end up like your Mom,"

I don't have much idea as to how love perfectly works, but I don't really love Hanni, I'm just being like Mom, I guess...

Dad's family helped her when she got into her downfall abroad. Not knowing that Mom's heart was left in Japan, Dad fell in love. The most heartbreaking part was Mom reciprocated his feelings because I know and he know, Mom felt like she owed something from him and his family. We were born because of Mom's debt, her guilt feeling that killed the living shit out of my Dad.

Now i know. I understand now. I feel like I have a debt to pay for Hanni since I depended on her in Boston. I feel like I owe her something that I want to repay badly.

That's why I lost myself trying to pay that...

My eyes shifts down when I see Jiwon and Danielle in their backyard. They're smiling at each other with Jiwon holding both of Danielle's shoulder to accompany her.

"I'll book my flight tomorrow. Go get your own ticket if you want to come." Hanni said, I could hear her zipping her bag.

If I choose my own life, I'd look like a fool choosing Danielle which is my sister's girlfriend. She's still Haneul's girlfriend. They never broke up. Danielle couldn't still retrieve all their memories together so their ties were never cut in the first place.

Choosing a different color to paint my sky is like choosing the one that taught me about it. I should be respecting myself and Haneul

I'm sorry, Mom.

I think i really need to go back to Boston because this place is messing up my mind.

It feels like a nerve twitches in my brain when I witness how Dani's fall on the ground. I could see from here how her body had gotten stiff in split second, her jerky movements tells that.

"Danielle's having a seizure!" I accidentally said.

I can't see anything aside from the door right now. I need to get out of this room. I need to...

I quickly run downstairs, not minding what Hanni's talking about.

Why?

Is it because of the accident? Why is she suffering too much from that accident?

If Haneul's died, then no wonder why... Stop being idiotic Haerin.

I opened the front door and immediately stepped my feet out. I tried to look at their backyard when a car passes by my eyes.

"Danielle..."

I don't know whether to feel relieve or be disappointed because I wasn't there...

__

Btw, it's October 6 2023

Happy birthday 🎉 Pretty, you're already 19 years old, MBTC 🥳