Everything You Need

Chapter Nine

Madeline

"Empty Shell Marriages, can someone expand?"

Someone raises their hand and I looked the direction of the person speaking.

"Empty shell marriage, is a married couple who has no emotional or sexual ties with each other, however they still live together."

I wrote that down and I added my own additional notes to it as well. We were going back over family, which was a bit annoying, but it was definitely needed. I seriously forgot what a boomerang family was so I can't complain.

They go over all the types of marriages, reconstituted ones and all that blah blah. I thought studying society would have been easier than studying the mind, but I believe there both equally hard. Although the discussion of family was making me curious.

If I have the baby what type of family would we be? I don't expect to live with him, I could still live with Gis as she really doesn't mind this whole baby thing. Although I would need my own space eventually, so it would be temporary.

What if he doesn't want anything to do with the child when it's born. He realizes that it was just a silly decision. No, he made a promise. Who am I kidding you can never trust what a man says, all niggas do is lie. I mean even having a baby with a stranger is a big deal.

What about our work life? What about my education? Was I going to have to put that on pause? What was he going to say when he finds out I'm a sex worker? How am I supposed to make income while pregnant?

I don't think I would be comfortable filming myself while pregnant, although there probably men who would like that. That would be emotionally draining on me and physically draining on my body. Maybe I will get super horny doing my pregnancy and want to rub it out, do I call Christopher?

My belly is going to be big as hell. I groaned just having to think about the all the possibilities. It would be so different and difficult. Thinking of all of this is just pushing me to say no.

I tried to push this pregnancy to the back of my mind and focus on the lecture. I listened to the different types of marriages and the rises in the divorces. It occurred to me if I was to date someone, then that would be someone in our child's life.

If I didn't like a specific person in his life around our baby, then it would irritating as it was my child as well. If he didn't like someone in my life, then there would be a conflict. Seriously what am I supposed to do in a situation like this?

The whole pregnancy and thinking about Christopher, It had thrown me off for the rest of the lecture. Even with Jermaine trying to talk to me, I couldn't think properly.

It was the end of our lecture and still Christopher and this baby was still the main thing on my mind. Jermaine nudged me gently and I gazed at him.

"You good?"

"Yeahh, I just feel tired," I respond.

"You always stay being tired," he says.

"I know, but it is what it is," I shrug.

"You gonna go back home then?"

"Yeah, I just wanna sleep right now."

"Alright, lemme walk you to your car," he offers.

"It's fine, I will text you later or sum."

"Aight, get home safe."

"I will, get home safe too."

He gives me a hug and I hug him back. He pulls away and daps me up. I waved bye to him as I walked off. I pulled my phone out of my bag and I went on my phone to call Giselle.