Prisoner #56

Chapter 11

The time that passed between recreation and dinner time felt like an eternity. The whole time I was in the library organizing books, or relaxing in my cell before the dinner bell rang, I was thinking about Marlin. His face, his smile, how he reacted when I kissed him. Simply, I want to see him again. I'm ready to see him in this new perspective, instead of him just being a friend, but truly what he meant to me.

A partner. Someone who could be there for me, and I could be there for them.

I know, it's kind of corny for me to think or feel this way. Most cars think psychopaths don't even have the capability to feel love or compassion. They don't, really. But honestly, I do, I feel it now.

I've really surprised myself. Years ago, all my relationships were superficial power grabs on the outside to better my political agenda. I never felt that emotional connection to any of them, yes, even my wife. They filled that role to make me appear normal, that I was capable of love and compassion, but I wasn't. I just liked the occasional good fuck and the idea of a relationship or marriage. Mentally, I was never fully there. I know I wasn't the nicest. Honestly, to this day, I can still be a compassionless jerk. I can't help it.

Yet, this bond with Marlin feels different. Truth be told, I've never been head over tires for someone before like I am for Marlin. This relationship feels like it will be raw, real. I'm excited to enter this new chapter of my life to share a deep, meaningful relationship with someone, and mean it.

Finally, the dinner bell rang, and I almost jumped off my sleeping pad. I drove right up to my bars, plastering my face on them, eagerly waiting for them to open. When they did, I drove right out, ready to go. As we were all parked and going through roll call, which they do before every meal, my cell neighbor, that lives to the right of me, looked over at me quizzically.

"Yo, Shiloh, what the hell is wrong with you?" he asked.

My cell neighbor, Taki, is a rough looking 2010 Ford Expedition who I can say with one hundred percent certainty was in a gang. He killed someone, or maybe two cars. He told me his story once, and I think he was tried for killing one guy, but he told me he took down someone else that no one will ever know about. Sounds not too far off from what I'd do, I guess. We aren't friends, but we like each other enough to talk to one another.

I glanced over at Taki. I'm too happy, too eager, to be my asshole self.

"Oh, I'm just so excited for this new chapter in my life!" I exclaimed, giddy as can be.

Taki's expression didn't change.

"What chapter? You're in prison, idiot. There's no new chapter for any of us," he mumbled.

Again, I wasn't bothered by him at all.

"Oh, just you wait and see!" I said, bouncing up in down in place with excitement. Taki rolled his eyes in response.

Asshole guard Steve was doing roll call this evening. He drove up to Taki, taking his name, then me, looking down at his clipboard. When his eyes met mine, he glared at me, not able to comprehend why I was looking like a total moron. A happy moron.

"Shiloh...Dooley?" he called. Steve hates using my real last name. He would shove the name Verdas up my ass if he could.

"Here!" I announced.

Steve groaned.

"Did you take your medication this morning?" Steve asked bluntly.

I paused.

"Huh, what? I don't take meds," I said.

"Well, maybe you should start," Steve spat, before driving to the prisoner next to me to record his name.