Wanna Be Saved

- EIGHT -

Chapter Eight
The Mystery Begins

On the Thursday afternoon knowing that she had been asked to stay behind after class to meet her new tutor, had left Bronwyn feeling more anxious than she thought possible. She could at least identify the feeling she had as anxiety as her heart raced and her brain span off in directions she had yet to venture down. Even if she had wanted to try and pay attention in the lesson this time around, there was no chance. Rather she allowed her brain to take her away, to wherever it chose, as long as it was not present in the current moment. Something she would have to admit was really sad, but she didn't know how else to cope. And she was starting to feel like she was entering a horrible spiral, one she didn't know how to get herself out of. 

Therefore waiting at the Professors desk at the end of the class, felt like a task so big yet so small at the same time. Bronwyn tried to recall on the words Hermione had told her before the older witch had left the classroom. The letter she had received that morning from her father telling her he was proud of her, for reaching out for help, for trying her hardest. Yet all these positive affirmations she was aware had been sent out towards her were not making the connections that she needed them to. The pathway they were upon to making her feel better was blocked. A roadblock she was unsure of its identity and how to fix it. How to remove it from her mind. Hoping that this roadblock when removed would be a big step for her to feel better. But she didn't know how to get there. 

She noted as a person came to stand on her left hand side, looking over to catch the green colouring to their clothing, the green and silver tie done so well. And knowing purely from the height who was stood beside her and Bronwyn wondered just why her path was crossing so greatly with that of Blaise Zabini. But part of her did not care, part of her wanted to continue to see where this path was going to lead her. To jump into the fire, into the dangerous territory it was going to bring. To the eventual feelings of sadness and hurt it could tell was somewhere down the line. And so she listened, she listened to the part of her which wanted her to hurt, to fail. Because her brain had already made the decision that she was a failure, so why not start something else she knew she was going to fail. At least her subconscious would have the satisfaction of knowing it was right. 

"Miss Weasley, Mr Zabini has agreed to the trial period of tutoring, I will review with both of you in three weeks. My support session is running this evening and I highly advise you trial a first session during it." Professor Flitwick was straight to the point and Bronwyn knew that even though his idea sounded like a way to not enjoy her evening, she also knew it was necessary. And at least she could eat dinner first. And bring a drink and snack along with her, she would need something sweet if she was expected to actually be able to do any work successfully. 

"Thank you Sir, I will be back after dinner for the session." Bronwyn agreed but didn't really want to spend too much time there at the moment, she was debating on just how she was going to prepare herself for later on. Socialisation at the moment took a lot of her energy, if she had a handful of spoons socialisation would talk all but one of them. She watched as the professor nodded in agreement to her words, and then waited for her newly assigned tutor to say something. 

"I believe that plan is manageable. I'll be here promptly for the start of the study session. I expect we will use most of that time tonight." With Blaise's seemingly okay-ish response, Bronwyn couldn't really decipher if it was actually a happy okay response or not. He was someone very hard to read especially for someone like her who was generally really really bad with emotions if they weren't; happiness, sadness, anger or pain. Rather she watched as he was the first of them to leave the classroom and was happy that there would not be a lingering awkward silence if nobody said anything else. 

Bronwyn upon entering where she would have her first tutoring session, very quickly worked out that she needed to find something smaller she could bring with her that provided comfort. She could not bring her blanket everywhere with her, and it would look stupid for her in particular to carry around a book. So she needed something small enough that it would fit in her blazer pocket and nobody would know it was there. Maybe that would be what she searched for on the first Hogsmeade trip they went on later this month. That would at least make the trip interesting she supposed. Rather instead, she just knew she would have to go knowing it would be uncomfortable for her.