Wanna Be Saved

- TEN -

Chapter Ten
Tick Tock

A few weeks had passed, weeks of which had Bronwyn trying to juggle everything, a task of which she was significantly struggling at. She had yet to adjust to the new provisions put in place for her Dyslexia. She could barely keep on top of her school work, the classes were slipping away from her she was behind in every class. Her homework was left half heartedly finished, her classwork was mediocre at best. Her prefect duties, well she was already known as being lax and if a student was caught out of bed past curfew on her rounds she was the most likely to let someone off. Her emotional state, well that was as good as it had been recently. It hadn't got exactly worse, she couldn't say that. It hadn't miraculously got better either. She felt as though she lived in a constant world of self hatred and despise of everything but not at the same time. She tried to find new things she could enjoy, reattempt her old hobbies. But the beloved chess set she owned, it had yet to even be unpacked from her trunk. Left there, in somewhat safety, as she couldn't dare look at it or think about it anymore. It reminded her of a joyous happier version of herself. A version she felt had been lost many months ago. 

She felt as though she was losing touch with everyone. Harry had yet to really even talk to her, he still seemed overly upset about one of their many arguments at the end of the summer holidays. She would only catch him looking almost longingly over at her on occasion, before instantly turning away and sending her what could have been considered a snide look. He kept looks up in public, sitting beside her at dinner and in class but little to no conversation would pass between them. Her relationship with Ginny was becoming more and more fractured. The younger sister having successfully obtained a place on the Quidditch team after having trialled for the position on the first week. Something that the pair had once talked about doing together when the position finally came up. Something they obviously were not doing as Bronwyn had lost all love of the sport she used to hold so dearly. And ever since her younger sister had this grudge, one she knew would not go away soon. Ginny took after their mother in that way, finding that she could hold something against someone for a while being rather stubborn about it all. The rest of the students in her house had also noticed something was different with Bronwyn this year, they had noticed her much more reserved personality, the lack of jokes and laughter and seemed almost scared of the new version of her. It was ridiculous but she could understand she was sure if she had seen a complete 180 of a personality as developed as hers then she too would be a little be weirded out by it all. They just didn't need to make it so publicly known. 

The only people who really didn't seem that bothered by the version of herself she was becoming were her older brothers, Hermione her most loyal best friend and for some reason Blaise Zabini. The boy she was supposed to hate but just couldn't bring herself to do so. Their twice weekly tutoring sessions had begun to become something she genuinely looked forwards to. There was just something about the boy which made her feel comfortable. He never seemed to judge her, or her lack of general magical talent or knowledge. Rather he just seemed to want to help her build herself up. And he brought around that sense of comfort she didn't realise she could really find in another person. Sure she felt comfort around her family. Hermione was the person she was probably closest to in the entire world, the older girl always made her feel safe and loved and trusted. But there was something different about the way Blaise made her feel, something she couldn't put her finger on. But whatever it was, it was driving her to spend more time with him, to get to know him better. And that was something she was no longer so strongly against. She knew his morals and ideas were not ideal, they were pretty horrible, but people can change she knew that. And maybe time would tell and she would be able to maybe show him that what good could be out there. Her brain already was trying to convince her to plan their future out. 

This feeling, this excitement, this final feeling of almost being herself was what drove her to be early to the library for the study session that evening. She took a seat at the normal desk they had been using, which was luckily still empty, unsure of what to do considering she was 10 or so minutes early. If she was being honest she had never been inside the library on her own, she never really had a need to. Bronwyn was a barely passing kind of student, who until this last summer had no drive to even do well in class or change anything. And now, as she watched students younger than her who were much more organised and able to find their way around the vast number of bookshelves she wondered if she was missing out. Maybe there was some sort of magic to the place. But she didn't want to focus too much, otherwise the slightly happier mood she was in would be tarnished. Rather she moved to take out her notebook and the book they had been working on. Finally happy that it seemed as though they were close to finishing the first year book. As it turned out that Bronwyn had a better grasp on some of the spells than she had originally thought to have had.