Empire State of mind

Chapter Forty-Six: A lot to think of

Shelby's POV

I sighs as I sit in the waiting room of my therapist office, I look up and around at my security that are eyeing and keeping some fans away from me but i stops them and sign some autographs anyway

I come into the office like a normal person because I don't like the idea of having a private therapist travel to my place when I could just go to the office, and safety reasons because duh

"Shelby Collins" I hear my name being called, I stand up and walk over to the therapist with a smile

"Hi, nice to see you again" I say as I shake hands with my therapist who smiles back at me, we walk into my therapists office with my security standing outside since they can't be in the room

"I'm happy to see you again Shelby, been a while" Mia, my therapist says as she leans back into her chair

"Yea...sorry I couldn't get to you during my sentence...but I'm hoping to get back into this again" I say as I fiddle with my fingers a bit

"Happy to hear that, so..what's on your mind today" She asks and I stare off feeling my heart thumping in my chest as I look at her floor

"I feel like I'm losing sight of who I am...this...industry...this year has been a rollercoaster...part of me is having trouble with knowing my mother would be proud of me" I say as I leave out a detail

"And what's causing this...thought process" Mia asks and I look up at her

"Because I went to jail....I...I know that me being in jail wasn't my fault because I had nothing to do..with any of it but...I feel like getting revenge and my mother never believed in that....it's like I'm going against her" I explain causing Mia to look at me skeptically

"Do you think this is something that you've learned or....something you've felt all along growing up, given things with your father and your extended family" She asks and I stare at her with silence filling the room

"Shelby....do you think your Dad has participated in this change in thinking..since you've alluded to you not having thought like this before" Mia asks as she leans forward to get a better look into my eyes

"Maybe....but I don't feel comfortable speaking on that right now" I say dismissively and Mia nods before leaning back in her seat

"Ok...but just know that may be something we need to visit again later" She says and I nod before letting out a deep sigh

"I...I do want revenge..for all the hurt I was given this year...but I know that it would upset my mom...it feels like she's still here and I feel guilty from just....going against what she taught me was not worth doing" I say sadly as I look down at my hands while they move incoherently

"Are you thinking or acting on these thoughts..now that your out" Mia asks and I look up at her as she stares into my eyes curiously

I stare back as I think of what's best to say, to lie or to tell the truth

"I can't answer that" I say in almost a whisper, Mia looks at me with nod before writing something down as I reach for a fidget toy

"Well Shelby I think that your decisions and principles go together, your at the age where you decide what your want to do and what your believe outside of your parents...your becoming an adult so what you say and do....will dictate who you are but your still growing as a person" She says and I feel my heart sink as I look down to the ground

Before I can react, the timer goes off causing me to jump a bit

"Well...we're out of time today..I hope we can talk more in your next session and again I apologize for the shortened session due to my tartiness" Mia says as she shuts the alarm off and I just nod

"Yea...uh..same time next week?" I ask and Mia nods as we both get up

"Thank you" I say and Mia nods with a smile before opening the door and leading me out of the room

My security swarm me as we walk out, my thoughts running wild as we get to the limo where my father is waiting for me

"How was your first session back" He asks and I smile softly at him but look down

"Very...insightful" I say and he nods before looking out the window and I do the same as we drive out of the parking lot

Who I'm slowly becoming....is making me nervous

A/n quick little filler chapter, I wish I had Hulu again but I still don't unfortunately so I'm going to try and do my best with some filler chapters, since I barley remember season 2, I can't confidently make chapters for this story that are days or weeks in so bare with me, I'm sorry for making y'all wait

Enjoy:)