A Secret Ambition

IX

"You have no finesse," a gambler at the Silver Garter once said to him. "No technique."

"Sure I do," Kaz had responded. "I practice the art of 'pull his shirt over his head and punch till you see blood." Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows

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IX.

Despite her lesson in the kitchen the previous evening, Lily still felt an awful mixture of emotions as she prepared herself to return to Mr McCarthy's office that morning. What state she would find it in, she had no idea. She also was completely unaware of what state she would find her employer in, and that made her feel even more apprehensive.

Lily knew that being out in the world was what she wanted. She wondered if she would not feel so foolish after a little more experience. Would Mr McCarthy have the patience to wait for Lily's experience? Seeing as he had not the tolerance for eejits, Lily was not entirely optimistic that her employment would last until the Season began as she had originally intended.

"Good morning, Lily," Jackie greeted in a musical tone. Her cousin smiled at Lily as she passed her on the way to the staircase, but she paused when she saw that Lily was quite lost in thought. "Are you well?" Jackie cocked her head.

Lily looked upon her cousin, who was dressed for the day as she was, only Jackie was wearing a short, tailored coat over the top of a white shirt, which was tucked into a sensible pair of dark breeches. To complete her ensemble, instead of dainty, heeled slippers, Jackie wore a sturdy pair of leather boots that reached her knees.

Lily had never seen women's shoes like that before, and they certainly had to have been especially made seeing as Jackie's feet were about half the size of an average man.

As Jackie had cocked her head, her braid of long, blonde hair, slipped over her shoulder.

"Do you like working, Jackie?" Lily asked her quietly.

Jackie's interest was garnered immediately as Lily had not responded to her question in a jovial sort of way, dismissing the initial question entirely. "You aren't going to tell Grandmamma, are you?"

Lily shook her head profusely. "No, I would never." Not that Lily would ever betray her cousin's confidence, but to tell would make her entirely hypocritical.

Jackie smiled, satisfied with Lily's answer. "I love it," she confirmed. "Papa started taking me when I was young. Maria, too, but she is not so interested. All the time, he would tell me that 'this will all be yours one day, Jackie'," Jackie attempted to imitate her father's voice. "It seems a little greedy not to earn it, does it not?"

"That is what you are doing then. Earning your inheritance?"

Jackie pursed her lips. "Yes and no. Perhaps it began that way, but I enjoy having somewhere to go in the morning, and to feel like what I am doing is important. What we do, what Papa started, it contributes to culture, and is that not vital for a well-informed society?

"Do not mistake me in thinking that what my mama does, or what yours does, or what any woman does, is not important. But I have not been told 'no' when I asked to do something else, and I am grateful for that." Jackie then laughed quietly to herself. "And breeches. Wearing breeches might be the secret reason behind it all. I shall not know myself when the Season starts, and I will have to pull my petticoats out of the drawer again."

Lily joined in her cousin's laughter, but what she could not tell Jackie in that moment was that she saw in her cousin the exact determination that Lily, herself, yearned for. Though Jackie just seemed so much farther ahead, and so much more self-assured.