Promises Remembered

Prologue

A/N Here it is, finally! My multi chapter Kakashi x Sakura story, I hop you enjoy it!

Prologue

A whimpering cry pulled Kakashi from his dream. It had been a good dream. It was of her, his wife. They were together, all three of them.

But he was awake now. The gray light of early dawn streamed in through the thin curtains, and the sorrow he knew he would never be free from returned in a crushing wave, threatening to drown him. Part of him wanted to let it.

The whimpering cry grew more insistent. Kakashi, still groggy, rolled towards the sound despite wanting nothing more than to lay there, wallowing in the aching loneliness and despair. But he'd promised.

"Kazuki..." He reached across the bed, placing a hand on the fussing infant's stomach. "It's alright, Kazuki. Shhhh..." It wasn't alright, though. Nothing was.

Gently, Kakashi slid his son closer to himself, trying his best to soothe him. To soothe himself. His warm little body curled into his chest... and for a moment, he did settle. Tiny hands reaching blindly, clutched at Kakashi's shirt.

Wisps of pink hair stirred with Kakashi's breath, Kazuki's scent filling his senses and easing the ache in him just enough that he felt like he might survive the day. Opening his eye fully, he gazed down at his son. Dark blue-gray eyes stared up at him as he made a crude attempt at sucking on the bit of shirt he'd managed to get close enough to his mouth.

A soft, sad chuckle escaped Kakashi. "I'm sorry I don't have what you're looking for." He didn't have anything the baby, hardly three weeks old, needed.

He needed his mother. She would have been amazing at this. But she was gone. Now all their son had was a heartbroken, useless, way-too-young-for-this father who had no idea what to do with him.

It might have been easier to let his grandparents raise him. They had no idea who he really was to them, but he knew they would have taken him anyway. They had met Kakashi and his wife only a few times while she had been with him. When they'd noticed the resemblance and she had panicked, Kakashi suggested she was a cousin. It had been accepted easily, and they had always been greeted warmly by the pair the handful of times they'd seen them after.

Yes, it would have been easier that way. Kazuki would have grown up with his mother, after a fashion, and Kakashi would have been... even more alone.

But he'd promised. He wouldn't abandon their son, the way his father had abandoned him. She had known about that, and the utter chaos it had wrought in his young life. It was probably why she'd made him promise. Not that he wanted to kill himself. Not if there was even a slim chance she'd been right. And even still... he'd promised.

So, when gurgling turned to frustrated cries, Kakashi scooped the infant into his arms and stood from the bed. "Alright. Let's see about breakfast."

With already practiced movements, he balanced his son with one hand against his shoulder—muttering soft assurances against his pudgy cheek—and prepared a bottle with the other. "Tch." Kakashi glared down into the nearly empty can of formula. They'd have to leave the safety of their apartment to get more: he had been dreading this moment. This would be their first time venturing out together.

He had been released from ANBU and given an extended leave by the Third, both for time to grieve, and to care for his son. If... no, when he went back to the field, it would be as a Jōnin and possibly as sensei. His wife had not instilled much hope he would be of any use to anyone as a sensei, but it would mean less time away and almost certainly safer missions.

He had promised her not to leave Kazuki. He would keep that promise, no matter how much it hurt to get through each day without her.

Bottle made, instant noodles heating, Kakashi sat at his table and offered the now nearly hysterical infant the bottle. After several moments of false starts and frustration, he settled down to eat. Kakashi sighed with relief. For a while, he simply watched him. His fist had clutched at his shirt again. He usually seemed so content, but sometimes Kakashi thought he seemed to know something wasn't quite right.

His own stomach grumbled. With a sigh, he picked up his chopsticks and ate quickly. He managed to get through his meal with only two noodles dropping onto Kazuki. It was an improvement.

Hyper-focused on their morning routine—getting them both dressed, the small victory of finally getting the nappy on correctly the first time—it was easier to ignore his sorrow. While Kazuki took his morning nap on his chest, Kakashi read another chapter of the parenting book he'd been given by the Hokage. It took up another hour and held his focus.

Kazuki woke from his nap hungry again. The trip could not be put off any longer. It was probably irresponsible of him to have waited so long. Guilt ate at him. He was letting him down. He couldn't do this. Yet another promise he wouldn't be able to fulfill.

Feeling a cloud of despair growing, he wrapped his son to his chest, pulled up his mask and left. The sun blinded him at first, squinting his eye against the light. Maybe he should leave the apartment more—but then he'd have to face people.

Only the people who had been present and the Hokage actually knew what happened. So far as anyone else was concerned, his pregnant wife had died. He was not looking forward to the pitying looks and the sorrowful, whispered conversations which would no doubt follow them.

Hands shoved in pockets, he kept his focus straight ahead as he walked toward the market street.

There were the expected whispers. He tried his best to ignore them.

"The baby survived..."

"Small blessings. Poor dears."

At least it was still early. The crowds weren't too thick yet.

"Does he have anyone helping him? Surely such a young single male shinobi is ill-equipped to care for a baby."

"The poor thing needs his mother. It's so sad."

The weather was nice too. Kazuki looked out at the world, the side of his face pressed snugly against Kakashi.

"He should have let another family raise it. It would have been better for both of them, surely."

"Hush! Don't say such a thing. All they have is each other. I'm sure he'll manage just fine."

That last one stung. Glancing to the side where two older women whispered, heads bent together as they watched him. When they saw him looking, they both gasped, the one which must have spoken first shaking her head in obvious judgment.

He tried to glare at her but deep down, he agreed. Sighing, he brought a hand up to pat Kazuki gently and kept walking.

He could do this. He had promised.