Promises Remembered

Part 2 Chapter 4

Part 2 Chapter 4

Kakashi

Day thirty without her

The parenting book said that babies needed sunlight and fresh air. Apparently it helped with vitamins and sometimes stopped them crying. Kazuki had been especially fussy lately, and they had only left their apartment three times. Twice to the market for formula and food, and once for an awkward lunch at the Haruno's where he'd handed Mebuki the baby, and promptly passed out on their sofa. He didn't realize how exhausted he'd been.

Now they sat beneath a tree on the edge of training ground three. Kazuki was asleep, wrapped snugly to his chest, as Kakashi stared out at the empty field that was filled with memories. Older memories hurt to dwell on, but more recent ones hurt worse. Why had they come here?

He sighed and dropped his head against the tree. There was a playground in the village, but Kazuki was definitely too young for swings and slides. And... Kakashi didn't think he wanted to linger with other parents. They stared and made poorly hidden sad faces even more frequently than old women.

So they were here, where they could enjoy the sunlight and fresh air in oppressive solitude. Closing his eyes, he imagined Sakura was there with them. If he held perfectly still and allowed just enough light to seep in between his lashes, he could almost see her.

In his mind, she sat beside him, holding their son and smiling. 'It's such a beautiful day, my Kazuki. Someday when you're old enough, Mommy will bring you back here and teach you how to use your chakra to be very strong. And Daddy will teach you taijutsu and maybe even let you make a contract with his puppies. What do you think about that? They're very smart puppies. Mommy has a summons too but I don't think you'd like her so much.'

She would laugh then, and smile up at him. 'A giant slug isn't much fun for a child, but Lady Katsuya is very helpful.' Then he could see himself, leaning in to kiss her, and then their son's matching pink hair. 'Do you think my uh, puppies would like to meet him?' he would ask and she would laugh again. 'Oh definitely. I think I'll wait though. He's not old enough to appreciate my Lady slug just yet.'

He wished it were real, more than anything. She would be such a wonderful mother. It wasn't fair that she didn't get to be. Maybe someday... if she was right, she could be... but that was too far off and too uncertain. For now, all he had was his son. That beautiful dream would be—for now—nothing more than that, haunting him with all the things he couldn't have.

A snuffle and a squeak told him his son had woken up. He looked down at the infant, who was beginning to squirm. Leaning forward, Kakashi loosened the wrap and pulled him free, sliding it off of himself and laying it on the ground like a blanket. On his back, Kazuki stared at the green blades of grass just beyond his reach. His whole body curled and tensed with the effort to reach it, but he was months from being able to roll, according to Mebuki.

Chuckling, a little less sad now that he was distracted, Kakashi plucked a few of the longer blades and held them where he could reach. "I guess everything is new and interesting to you."

The idealized afternoon he'd just pictured gave him a sudden idea. He couldn't give their son back his mother, but maybe the other part.

Leaning to the side, he pulled his mask down and bit down on his thumb, calling his summons. Pakkun appeared, an unfamiliar sorrow in his drooping, squashed face.

"Wondered when you'd call me." He noticed Kazuki and took two steps closer, scenting the air. "You alright, Boss?" Kakashi blinked, slightly confused by his demeanor and question. "Losing your mate is no small thing."