Name of Love

Chapter 2

Chapter 2- Ты беспощадна - You are Merciless

As I hugged her, her lips touched mine. But in that moment I realized she was no longer in my heart anymore. I forced myself to smile and walk away. But she followed. I hate that she followed. I wanted to cry. Not because of sadness because of anger. How could she kiss me? How could she do such things to another that she is devoted to?

In that moment that is when I realized I wanted a women with morals. And she, she was not that women. There in that moment, my heart no longer ached for her. But instead it ached for another. One who I truly craved under my fingertips. Not her, not the women who would cheat on her lover just to satisfy her desire. And that girl was Andrea. She had no morals , she was Merciless. Ты беспощадна.

As I looked at her, usually my heart would beat. It didn't. I wanted to yell, scream at her. Instead my face was blank. Nothing there, whatsoever. 

I sat on the steps with my head hung low, stuck in a place not knowing what to do. Whether to tell her lover or just walk away from it all. 

I didn't need her or want her, that's what I told myself. But is that what my heart truly believed. Yes it was. As I navigated the six hours in this hell hole called school. It was all I could think about and going back and forth with Andrea. 

As she begged to be my friend. I gave in. On my walk I've texted and call to talk about the situation. 

Never went through. 

In that moment I realized that she had multiplate me.  Made me realize that she just wanted to have me to the side to use when her lover wouldn't pay attention to her. That's when I realized. 

I was just a pawn in her game. 

I sat in my room, side of my bed. Feet hung off the side. Head hung low, headphones in, thoughts running. In matter of milliseconds, I didn't realized I blacked out. 

Holes in my wall. 

Blood running down my finger, blood splattering onto the floor. 

My belongings scatter everywhere. 

Clothes thrown and ripped apart all over the floor.

I sat on the floor in the middle of all the mess. Back against the wall. My knees up to my chest. 

I screamed, I yelled out. 

How can I let myself be used as a pawn for someone else's personal enjoyment?

How could I be a gullible fool?

Was I really done with her? 

Do I even want to be on this earth anymore?  I had the answer for that. 

No.  I was dead. I was dead to the point I couldn't feel anything.