ASOUE: The Very Final Danger

The First Finale

"No, Olivia Caliban, we go up together," Jacques Snicket said, causing Olivia to blush.

The pair shot their version of  grappling hooks into the air. There was a slight noise as, 46 stories above the ground, the suction cups hit the building.

"I just hope we can rescue the Quagmires," Olivia Caliban prayed.

"As do I," Jaques Snicket answered.

Floor after floor after floor of 667 Dark Avenue passed by uneventfully, except for the 32 floor.

Olivia felt that she was getting the hang of walking up a frighteningly vertical wall. However, overconfidence most often breeds stupidity. As she took the next step, her right shoe slipped.

"Jaques!" she yelped.

Why do I always have to wear heels, Olivia thought as she half walked, half fell down the gray building. Then something tugged at her waist. The safety rope!

For a moment, Olivia hung 32 stories above the ground, hanging on to dear life only by a device that looked suspiciously like a toilet plunger and the steady hand of Jaques Snicket.

For some reason, she blushed.

"Are you okay, Olivia Caliban?" her savior asked. When he raised one of his eyebrows in question, she blushed more.

"I- I- yes. I am," Olivia stuttered, a word which here means spoke stumblingly in surprise, because for the first time in a very long time, someone had asked her if she was okay, and most definitely not because the man who had asked it was handsome and charming and. . . wait, no, I don't think that, Olivia berated herself.

"Then we should keep climbing. There are still a lot of floors to search."

"Yes," Olivia agreed.

"This is the last floor," Olivia Caliban said, suddenly breaking the awkward silence.

"Then let us hope we find the children," Jaques Snicket answered.

Together they pulled open the grand window of the penthouse at 667 Dark Avenue. The curtains were open. So was the door to the living room, through which three children could be seen standing at the edge of an elevator shaft. The mechanical device itself, however, was ersatz.

"Baudelaires!" Olivia Caliban exclaimed.

The three children, who were Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire whipped around, a phrase which here mean they turned around very quickly, not that they were actually stirred at a high speed with a whisk.

"Ms. Caliban?" They said in unison.

"Yes, and I am so glad to find you here," she smiled.

"We are too," Violet agreed, "but what are you doing here? Who is the man you are with?"

"Jaques Snicket, at your service," the man replied. "Can we talk freely? Are the Squalors still at lunch?"

"They are," the oldest Baudelaire answered.

"How did you know they would be there in the first place?" the middle Baudelaire asked.

"Eyak!" the youngest Baudelaire screeched, which probably meant something like, thank goodness they are, though.

"We have agents tasked with keeping them busy until we have had time to search the entire building. Olivia Caliban and I are members of the V.F.D. and we are on a mission to locate and rescue the Quagmires," Jaques answered.

"Then you should probably know that everyone left the restaurant when Mrs. Poe told them that the place across the street was "in" and Salmonella was "out"," Klaus warned them.