NEVER COMING HOME

Some Say I'm Crazy For My Love

Steve's POV (First person)

So, the POV changes from 3rd to 1st person in the middle of this. I'm really sorry about that! I find it much easier to write in 1st person. Apologies if it's too confusing for you. 

Bucky was a shell of a person, but he was breathing, and that was perhaps the only thing in the world that Steve was able to care about. The last hour had been painful insanity. Steve's hands were bruised and bloodied, Sam was terribly shaken, and Bucky was racked with guilt for allowing himself to fall back into the pattern of a killer. It wasn't his fault, no. The ones at fault were with HYDRA, but the hands that had taken lives were attached to Bucky's shoulders, and it was his shoulders that he held the weight of the world. 
He sat with his knees hunched to his chest, his ragged breathing cutting through the silence of the room. 
'Which Bucky am I talkin' to?' Bucky eye's snapped up.
Dead.
He looked dead inside. 
'Your mom's name is Sarah.' He said quietly, his stare unbreaking. 'You used to wear newspapers in your shoes.' There was the ghost of laughter on the edge of his tongue, a

He sat with his knees hunched to his chest, his ragged breathing cutting through the silence of the hall. 'Which Bucky am I talkin' to?' His eyes snapped up to meet mine. Dead. He looked dead inside.
'Your mom's name is Sarah.' He said quietly, not breaking his gaze from mine. 'You used to wear newspapers in your shoes.' There was the ghost of a smile upon his lips, a laugh pulled from the depths of his worn-out heart.
'Can't read that is a museum.' I say under me breath. 
'And just like that, we're supposed to be cool?' Fuck, I forgot Sam was here for a minute. His eyes were flitting between me and Bucky, the cogs practically whirring in his mind as he tried to piece the last few hours together. Bucky gave an apologetic smile to Sam, who nodded curtly. Forgiveness didn't come as naturally to Sam as it did to me. 

*****

As Bucky and Falcon waited in the car, Steve allowed himself to indulge in conversation with Sharon. Peggy's niece. How strange, that he should find myself in arms reach of a Carter, yet feel nothing at all. He could tell in the way her eyes swam with affection, in the way she bit her lip, that she was attracted to him, but Steve was so utterly convinced nothing would ever come of it. That he wouldn't let her blood persuade his better judgement, that he wouldn't ever find himself engaging in her attempts to seduce him. 
Steve was so sure, so very sure of himself, that he was almost too shocked for words when he found himself kissing her back. 

What was perhaps more strange than having kissed a woman, however, was how desperately Steve regretted Bucky's being there to witness his endeavours with Sharon. Of all the concerns he should have had (such as fighting Tony Stark), his main priority was proving to Bucky that the kiss hadn't meant anything at all. Steve was too preoccupied to even question exactly why he felt the need to show Bucky that Sharon was merely a colleague to him, considering it was his best friend, and surely his best friend would be happy Steve was getting some action beyond the 1940s. 

Steve made a mental note to speak with Bucky later. To tell him that it was never his intention to kiss Sharon, merely converse with her. Even as they marched into the airport, suited and armed, he planned the script out in his head, working out the order of words and whether his apology should be formal or entirely friendly. It was insanity, he knew, to care so much of what Bucky thought of the matter. Who was Barnes to dictate Steve's love life? Yet it wasn't so much Bucky's opinion on Steve kissing women that he cared about. It was the feeling of having betrayed somebody. The guilt Steve often felt if he told a lie, or forgot to take out the trash on a Thursday morning. It was the crippling pressure of having done something wrong, and the shame that came with it. He might as well have thrown Bucky to the authorities or left him to die, or get recollected by a member of HYDRA. It felt like cheating, though he couldn't tell why. All he knew was that it burned and that it hurt, and that he wished he'd never known Carter in his life. 
~~
They stood in V-formation, Bucky to Captain's right, Falcon to his left, Wanda right behind, and Iron man staring them down, his raging eyes covered by his red-golden mask. Steve was somewhat grateful Tony kept his face covered in combat; it would be so much harder to fight a man who had the face of an old friend....
Steve would know.
He'd done it once. He was sure he never wanted to do it again.
~~
The destruction was far less deadly than the usual damage they caused, but at least four planes had been decimated, and the hundreds of cars parked in the multi-storey had crumped to the floor, courtesy of Wanda. It was an expensive mess they'd left behind, and Steve knew he was minutes away from jailtime if he wasn't careful.