Fight To Love You Freen&Becky

I believe in you

I found myself sitting in the crowds looking at her, again. Today they were having their second game and i couldn't stop myself from coming here to just see her again. I was already aware of what was happening to me and i was very very scared of the feeling that was growing inside me towards her but i couldn't do anything about that. My life has suddenly got a meaning, my heart was beating to live not just to keep my body alive, i could really breathe and feel and see and smell and just really live, only to look at her. Even if it was the only thing that i would ever have, i would have been satisfied but the looks that she was giving me time to time during the game, especially after scoring, were giving me a bit of hope that i can have more then just looks at her.

I was scared of everything during almost my whole life, very insecure from inside and very confident from outside because i didn't have any other choice. And nearly 1 year ago i discovered inside myself something new that made me even more scared for my physical well being in my own house. Nearly year ago we were watching Jennifer's body with my whole family and when Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried kissed my butterfly factory started to produce new colours inside my head, opening completely new feelings for me, new feelings towards girls, new understanding and a more clear perspective that i never thought was possible. 

First I didn't really know what is what, any labels or explanations. I just spent the next couple of days by only thinking about that kiss and accepting in my head that that is also a possibility. Everything suddenly began to make more sense, i was starting to understand myself better, discovering my feelings was a bit painful, in some places hateful and hard process but also it was very exiting and heartwarming, i was feeling some kind of happiness waves that were coming to me and were bringing new light to myself. After few days i also gathered all my courage to search everything in internet and beside finding a lot of things that i wasn't supposed to see, at least this early, i found also things that i was looking for.

I still wasn't putting any label on myself because for a first i was still child and was still discovering myself, after very hard 2 months of fighting myself about my orientation and who am i, in which box should i go, what colour should i pick, i decided to give me time and see what future will bring and who i will be in the future without anyhow limiting myself or decreasing my view i just decided to go on and wait for the right person.

And now i was sitting on a bench and looking at her playing volleyball, shooting fire balls on my way with her eyes and i knew only one thing for sure, I LIKE GIRLS, no, Emily has said it well, 

i like girls

no

i like a girl

no

i like HER

....

These games are too short, always not enough time to look at her.  I was sitting on the bench, looking at her, touching the little scratch that she gave me and was imagining her hands on my face again when i realised that now she was already leaving the court and was walking towards me. What? Why is she walking to me? Oh gosh, shell i run, NO, calm down.

-Hey, Freen, if i'm not wrong,- she was holding her hand for me to shake it.

-Yes,- i had hesitated for a moment and she immediately took her hand away,  stupid, stupid, you missed the chance to hold her hand, how dumb.

-Why are you coming to our games?

-I... I...,- do not panic,-  i like to study my opponents.

-But we are not your opponent and the chances that we will be are not that big.

-I believe in you,- oh, Sarocha, that was bold.

-Oh, - she had the same reaction on her face as me in my head,- thanks, i guess.

-Yes, i want to hold a victory on you one more time,- you really needed to say that .

-Oh, i see, but since you believe in us, we must hold a victory against you to not disappoint you, right?,- she smirked holding one eyebrow up and looking at me with her playful eyes.

-Hmm, you think you can huh? Baby kitty, what was your friend saying?,ah yes,  that is never gonna happen,- by this point we were standing too close to each other and i could feel her scent, mix of her oceanic light perfume and sweat. 

-Hey, GO AWAY FROM HER,- two of her teammates came running to us like i was trying to steal their friend, although i would love to steal this little kitten all for myself.

-Calm down girls, she is not doing anything, she can't even if she wanted to, she is still recovering from KITTY scratch, don't you,- she said looking at my eyes and slightly touching her own under-chin. 

I looked at her and wanted to answer when she continued,

-We are leaving now, but i guess we'll see you in the finals. Stop studying us, it is not fair.

She walked away with her friends. Is she shaking her hips like that on purpose or is she normally walking like that? STOP looking at her butt Sarocha, STOP. AYYY

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Hey my dears, i hope you are enjoying the story, interesting parts are coming.