Fight To Love You Freen&Becky

I knew it might not end well

I knew it might not end well for me but I decided to come back from change room to the hall to see her.

I was standing near the exit waiting for her, for one last look and there she is. My sweet angel, my cute kitty.  Oh, I want to hug her badly, I want to feel her warmth, she is the only one giving me strength to go on. She is the only reason I'm not breaking down, giving up, finishing all this shit...

Oh she was looking at me with her sad eyes, we were mirroring each other and I don't know who was more sadder.

"I'm sorry", I mouthed her. And I could see her eyes softened. 

For a moment everything and everyone around blurred away and shutdown, it was only two of us there, talking to each other with our eyes only, until. Until she shifted her eyes to someone else. Oh, fuck it, why he is here, what again. 

- You are trying my patience, Freen Sarocha,- my father came to me and grabbed my arm,- let's go,- he whispered angry and squeezed my arm so hard I almost screamed out.

-Dad, you are hurting me.

- Oh, really? Sorry,- he squeezed my arm even harden and pushed me into the car.

- I'm gonna kill your little boyfriend,- he said starting the car,- NO, no, I have nothing to do with him, you are mine, so I'm gonna kill you. What the fuck you think you are doing? You really thought you two can meet here I would not notice? I told you stop snicking around Freen, I WILL KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE RAT.

- Dad, half of my school was there, I swear, please listen to me for once, I have nothing to do with him, he is not my bo...

- SHUT UP, you are lucky my money is in the game, otherwise you...

- What??

- Yes, baby, if you lose this game, I will lose my money, so you lose, you are gonna lose everything, beginning with your education and ending with your freedom.

- Please, don't do this again.

- Yes, you need to be grateful to my money that you are still alive.

- Dad, you are doing it again.

- Shut your mouth, I spend a lot of money on you, your training, classes and your education in general. I need to get them back somehow. And you know very good what is on the table right now.

- Please, dad, don't play with my future.

- Your future?, - he started laughing evilly, - very brave of you. I'm not doing anything, Freen,- he was laughing like that one crazy evil character in the movies,- you are the one who is playing. IT IS YOU PLAYING WITH AND FOR YOUR MONEY. HA HA HA

- Dad, why are you doing this? - I can't handle this anymore.

- For the first, REMEMBER, it's my money, I am the one who saved it in the first place, yes, maybe for you but it's still mine. So i can do whatever i want with it. For a second if you still want to go to that medical university just win the game, and the money will stay in the bank account, or you lose and work after school to get your education with your own money. Grouw up already.

-Dad, what have i done wrong?- the medical university was the farthest university from my hometown, so i could be far from them and have my own life, have my freedom, i would work for my daily needs but i could never work that much money to pay for education. Students from wealthy families are almost never getting education loans or scholarship, doesn't matter what family situation one is living in. And even if we win the final and he would not lose the money and would get a lot of money from his bet, i'm sure it does not insure me from the future bets. This was not the first time he was betting on my games and competitions, on me to say in one word. He was in some kind of sick club where they were busy betting money on literally everything. It was his sickness. 

- You are doing everything wrong, now get out and go home, and don't put your nose out of your room if you don't want me to break it.

I just walked home, i can't speak with this person anymore. He doesn't listen, he never understands, never supports never loves me, or anyone else, only himself and his money. But maybe only himself, because playing with money and losing it left and right, is not a love sign anyway.

.....

The weekend was just horrible, i was in my room all day with one hope, that he wouldn't come to me, or even better, he would leave the house so i could at least go to the bathroom with an easy heart. He was really scary now. 

......

I hardly survived the weekend and was very ready to go to the school, but when he didn't let me leave the house i wasn't very surprised. 

- I want you to concentrate on your game now, not at your boyfriend or anything else, i don't want him to make you tired before the game,- i can't believe, is he really my father?

-What? you have a boyfriend?

-Mom, NO, but is that really what bothers you now?

- Freen, i told you, it's too early for that, if you will come to me crying, don't expect me to magically cure your heart or something even worse. 

-Well, mother, thank you, i promise, i won't come to you.

- Both of you, shut up.

......

I was sitting on my windowsill, at least i had a view on the river, water was always helping me to calm down, even just by looking at it, my imagination was making a small boat for me and i could go all the way down the river, pick up my little kitten and go far far away, where we could just be alone, just a two of us, far from this stupid and unfair world. 

I was thinking about the game, and that i really really need our team to win the final, it was not just a game for me anymore, my life was depending on it, all my future was hanging on it, on a small, weak, thin thread. 

I was wondering if Becky's team had won the game, that would have been good for them, i think Becky would be very happy, but also that would mean we need to play against each other. How unexpected and unexplainable this life is.

Can i even play now against her, how am i gonna do that. My head was busy in this thought when my eyes caught her parking her bike near the bench by the river. Ohhhhh, oh, my kitty, my girl, she is the best, she came to me. I can't go to her now,  but i can look at her, she is right there so close and at the same time so far from me.

She stayed there looking at me till my father came back. Yes, she was there almost all day, i gestured her with my hands to leave and go home, but she didn't, after couple of tries i just give up on it and was actually really happy that she was there, i wasn't feeling alone anymore. She cycled away after my dad came home, she was probably scared. She doesn't know what is actually happening but she is already scared. How can i even tell her the truth about my family....

The same happend at Tuesday also, she was under my window, or in front of it, anyway, she was far, but she was warming my heart like nobody has ever done or ever will be able to do. This time she came prepared and that made me so happy. For a first she had some flowers for me, i know, i couldn't take them, but they were mine, and she got some food with her and we kinda had lunch together and then she started exercising, gesturing me to do the same, so it was almost like going out together for work out. We were being stupid and having fun when she got a call and then started to get her stuff together. Then she waved at me and gestured that she needs to go home, after sending me some heart shots she cycled away, leaving me alone. But i was somehow happy, imprisoned in my own room and couldn't talk, touch or just be with my girlfriend, but still happy. I had her in my life and in my heart, and i could  see how sincere and loving she is. 

How am i gonna play against her and even worse, win the game, but i need to... I'm sorry my kitty..

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