Past memories | Shin soukoku | Atsushi angst

Chapter 9

Tw- mentions of suicide, suicide planning

Atsushi POV

I woke up to strong light coming from the small window in the room. I rubbed my eyes harshly and let them adjust to the current lighting. Aware of what happened last night, I checked my wrists that were now fully healed. Just as I predicted. Sometimes the tiger's healing ability isn't that bad...

After a while I heard loud knocking on my door. Who could it be so early in the morning? It took me some time to stand still but when I did, I walked to the door and unlocked it. Outside stood a serious-looking Akutagawa with a bag in his hand.

"Akutagawa? What are you doing here..." I asked confused

"Gin told me you forgot one of your sweaters in her room so I came here to return it."

Oh so that's where my favorite sweater was!

"Oh um thanks Akutagawa" I smiled at him which was quite unexpected considering I haven't  genuinely smiled at anyone for at least a week.

____________

This morning was kind of weird. Well I should head to the agency if I don't want to be late. I dressed up and covered my deep eyebags with some concealer I stole from Yosano-San a few weeks ago.

As I was on my way to the agency I spotted an old lady crossing the road extremely slow. The car that was coming didn't seem to stop and that concerned me. Once the old lady was midway of the road the car kept its fast pace. As it was just about to hit the poor lady, I ran into the road and pushed her away. The car driver was on the verge of running me over but when he placed his phone down and when saw me he went ballistic! He started yelling and cursing at me when he was wrong.

I ignored the raging man and walked over to the sweet lady to ask her if she's fine. She thanked me multiple times and even gave me a purple flower from the small bag she was carrying. She said it matched my eyes! I was extremely grateful.

Once we parted ways with the lady I saw a mad Kunikida right in front of me.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"Huh?"

"Don't jump into the road! It's common sense! What if the driver hadn't saw you!?"

I just stayed silent unaware of what to say.

"Don't risk your life kid..." Kunikida said calmly

"Come on let's just go to the agency" He sighed

We walked all the way there in awkward silence and once we went inside, we both immediately started working. I just wanted for this awful day to be over. Actually I don't think it's just today. Lately I've just been tired everyday. I find myself wishing the day would come to an end every time.

During lunch break, I continued to do my work while everyone else was eating their packed meals. I was completely focused on my report until I got distracted for a couple of minutes... or perhaps more. I just stared off into space thinking about stuff. 'Maybe I could try to kill myself... Lately life has been nothing but a pain in the ass, in the mornings when I wake up I wish I hadn't and when I fall asleep I wish to never wake up again. So why don't I put an end to it myself? Why am I smiling? Am I feeling excited?'

"Atsushi are you okay? You've been staring at the wall for quite some time now.." Tanizaki pointed out nervously

Suddenly my stream of thoughts got interrupted so I just sighed.

"Yea don't worry I just got a little distracted" I gave him a weak smile

"You certainly look happier has something good happened?"

Considering how I haven't smiled to anyone in a few days his question was valid.

"Yea I guess it has..." I said and my smile grew bigger

Tanizaki seemed happy that my mood is finally up. He's so carrying... I wonder how he will react to my death. Would he still care?

What I didn't notice earlier was that Ranpo was staring at my suspiciously from his desk. 'Oh god no not him! I can't let him find out' but nonetheless I didn't stop smiling. My heart felt like it was about to explode from all the excitement I was feeling. I was always afraid I would drop dead any minute while I was in the orphanage but now, now it was different. I had control over my death. I was the one in control for once.

The day passed rather quickly unlike the other days. I walked home with a fast pace and when I entered my house I immediately ran to my calendar. "November 4". I thought about it for a second. I could end my useless life right this second but I decided against that. I had to say my goodbyes to everyone but not in an obvious way in case I failed. I had to take all precautions.

I marked the day "November 9" and drew a small smily face. Five days were more than enough.

I truly can't wait...

915 words

I KNOW SMALL ASS CHAPTER IM SORRY 😣.
I made another shin soukoku angst story so if u wanna check it out it's in my profile.
Oh also I watched the fnaf movie on a site that probably installed 33 viruses in my device😜