If only you could save me || Imagine Dragons Fanfic

Chapter 21

DAN

Everything is blurry and agony. The sleeping pills still have effect, and that combined with my abusive aunt and cutting is just overwhelming. I guess that what Wayne did added an extra toll but because I collapse. As I already said, things are blurry, but two figures above me, Wayne and Fred, move and then suddenly Wayne goes unconscious and falls onto me. Great, now with his weight I can totally not stand up. I close my eyes, trying to gather strength. I'm conscious, I'm okay, I don't need ambulance. I slowly manage to push Wayne's body off me and try to stand up. I fall back and start breathing heavily. Then I try again until finally I manage to sit up and remain standing. Then I slowly stand up. Fred watches me like a hyena watches his prey. Or is he watching me like scaring mother watches her hurt child? I don't know, I'm feeling too bad to decide. I just want the effect of those fucking pills to be gone. I see Ms Hannah coming towards us and then she frowns when she sees that I'm standing and Wayne is unconscious on the ground. She asks,

" What happened?" Fred answers before I can,

" Wayne tried to hit me but I jumped away and he ended up hitting himself and he fell unconscious." She sighed and shakes her head,

" This Wayne is going to get punished, probably expelled. He just hit himself? Fine, leave him. Dan, the ambulance is on its way to help you. Wayne'll be fine - until he wakes. That's some bad boy." Then she simply walks away. I just really don't want to go to the hospital so as soon as she's gone I start running off towards class. I soon trip in my own legs, one of them in agony as I collapse. Heck. I push myself up and stand up. Then I walk to class, this time more cautious with my leg that hurts like hell. Damn I so hate myself I'm such a piece of rubbish. I'm so bad I'm a mistake I'm bad I'm awful. I want to be somebody else. Somebody who likes himself and who has a reason to like himself. Or, at this point I don't really care, herself. I just wish I would be someone else, I don't care if I would be a boy or a girl. I just want the self hate, cutting, abuse, anxiety, depression, and everything to disappear. I don't really want to be Wayne, considering he has insomnia and is currently lying unconscious on the floor with no one caring - well, no one who would care knowing, thinking of Ben and Platz - but Platz doesn't have any problems. Neither does Ben. Or Ms Hannah! I so freaking hate the mess I am. I enter class and sit down. I see Ben and Platz looking at me and then Platz asks,

" Where's Wayne?" Our teacher look at them as a warning and I don't answer for a while before saying,

" He's in the hall he's unconscious im sorry." I Said im Sorry because I didn't instantly answer. They must be so angry at me because I didn't say anything sooner. But they don't seem to care when I said it, they're just too much in shock. Then Platz stands up and leaves without a word, followed by Ben. I sigh and try to continue learning but my mind is clouded by thoughts about Wayne. I should have said they should help him. No! I shouldn't have protected him! He can protect himself! I shouldn't have believed Fred about him being mean- STOP! You are a fucking asshole to think that! But why? A voice asks in my head, why should I trust Fred? I guess a part of me just trusts him just because he took me to his home when I was at a very low point and cared for me. And the other part... The other part doesn't believe him. But... I just don't know. These thoughts aren't getting me anywhere. Why can't I, for once, trust somebody? Stupid, stupid Dan, of course you should trust Fred! A voice says inside my head, but another argues back, but he hurt you before. He hurt you. Why does everyone have to be aggressive? But then again maybe Fred needs a second chance... I'm thinking way too much. I'm so angry at myself for thinking so much and not concentrating on learning. I grab one of my fingers in my hand and then I turn it in the direction it dosen't go in until I hear a bone break. I grimace but quickly hide it as a very angry Platz and a Ben who looks like he's about to explode from fury come in and sit down. Just looking at someone this angry makes me have a panic attack. I start shaking, and I feel like I can't breathe, my heart racing. Uh, why in class?! What if they are angry at me? Will they beat me up? Where will they beat me up? How much is it going to hurt? Is it going to be worse than my aunt? If I try, would I manage to break my wrist, and would passing out because of it's pain save me from being beaten up by them? What if I got a knife out in class and slit my throat before anyone could do anything? How much blood would flow out? What would their reaction be? And if I cut my legs down, how many blood and pain  would it take before I bled out and passed away? What colour would my skin be without that blood in my skin? Oh stop it, I tell myself, but I don't. It helps me calm down. I soon hear laughing and confused look around. Everyone is looking at me and laughing. Oh no. What did I do? What did they notice? Are they seeing my wounds and laughing at that? I'm pretty sure I pulled my sleeves down... Oh or is it because.... Heck it must be because I'm shaking like crazy. Or am I shaking like that because they are watching me? Oooh. I realize they aren't laughing, just looking at me. Some of them even look scared. Fine, there are around five that ARE laughing. I close my eyes, figuring they asked something, then ask,

" Um what did you ask?" The teacher says,

" I was just asking if you were alright, you were shaking like insane. And you did a, um, strange thing." I gulp,

" What did I do?" 

" You don't know what you did?" I shake my head. Sometimes when I'm deep in bad thoughts I tend to do stupid things without noticing, and I don't know what I could've done with the sleeping pills' effect... Then I feel the pain in my shoulder and realize I'm holding it.

" You seemed to have twisted And unattached your Humerus." Oh great Dan. I mustn't ever let the want to hurt myself get me misplacing a bone in class... I barely felt the pain, I'm so used to it, but now I feel it and it's vivid. 

" I don't know why..." I say though I do, it's because I'm a stupid stupid fuck fuck screw-up mistake that shouldn't have ever ever set one foot on this Goddamn earth in this goddamn world in this goddamn universe i this goddamn Milky Way. Or is it not in Milky Way...? The last thing I think before I faint it, I don't fucking care.