...And I Am Going Home

Oliver 31

For an entire week, Oliver had prepared an apology, thought on what had been said the Saturday before and constructed the most logical apology that covered every basis he could think of in regards to what he had done wrong, including suggestions that could make Cody feel more comfortable and ways Oliver could act to be better. He even researched the matter more on PTSD, on ways people dealt with trauma, finding that other people struggled to deal with seeing people relating to their traumatic event... like Oliver. Oliver had been there with Cody, kidnapped by Snickelway. Maybe Cody never did video calls or wanted to see him in person and yet saw Darren and Sasha because seeing Oliver might be a trigger. Oliver didn't know if he could ask if this was why Cody did not need to explain himself, but it hurt not seeing Cody unless it was through social media posts or rewatching old recordings of the band performances. And it hurt to think that Oliver could ever cause Cody harm or discomfort, even if it were involuntarily. He wanted to help Cody, but he didn't know how.

When it came to the designated time for their Saturday phone calls, Oliver opted to initiate a voice call, knowing now Cody's boundaries and preferences and trying not to hesitate too much to be on as time as he usually would be.

The ringing continued longer than usual, and Oliver thought Cody would not answer when he finally picked up.

"Hey," said Cody's voice, a bit weaker and with less enthusiasm than before.

"Hey, how've you been?" asked Oliver, wincing as he hated the small talk section beforehand but knew it was a mandatory question since he could not delve straight into the apology, dumping too much into the conversation as soon as it started.

"Yeah, same as usual," said Cody. "Nothing new at work, which is sometimes a good thing. How about yourself?"

"Yeah, fine," Oliver answered a bit too quickly as his focus was on the paper before him containing his written apology and what to say. "I just..." he fumbled on the words, even though all he had to was read and yet he was already going off script with the first two words. "I just wanted to apologise about last week-"

"It's okay, Oliver, you don't need to do that-"

"But I want to, and I should and-"

"No, I was, I think I was overreacting maybe, or didn't explain it well-"

"I still want to apologise-"

"It wasn't your fault, and-" Cody paused, letting out a strained sighing breath. "It's okay, it's fine, you don't need to apologise. How about we talk about something else, huh?" He seemed to attempt a slight chuckle.

Oliver swallowed. "Yeah, okay." He looked down at his prepared speech before setting it aside. "Just tell me if there is anything that... makes you uncomfortable or anything I can help with."

There was a slight pause before Cody replied quietly, "thank you, Oliver. Same goes here if there is anything I can do for you that makes you feel uncomfortable."

Only doing voice chat instead of a video call made Oliver uncomfortable, but he had no valid reason to feel this way; Oliver was just being silly, so he would endure for Cody.

They moved onto another topic, though Oliver wished he had gotten to say what he had wanted, but if Cody didn't want to discuss it, that was fine. There seemed like such a disconnect between them now. Was it because of Snickelway? Because Oliver was so bad at communicating unless he was face to face with someone? Or maybe it was because, in reality, the two of them had only really known each other for about a month and a half, and now that they were physically apart, they could finally notice that their connection wasn't so stable. Rheanna had said that long-distance relationships took time and effort. Was Oliver not doing enough? What else could he do if Cody wasn't ready to meet again in person? Or with how their work schedules differed. Were these weekly chats enough? Was Oliver enough?

Even with the somewhat remedied situation from the previous week, the whole conversation still felt sour, as if both of them were doing everything not to bring up anything negative or to not disagree with each other, like walking on eggshells to ensure that they do not come anywhere close to arguing. Not that last week was an argument, but Oliver had been in relationships where his partner had become frustrated with something he had done and soon evolved into an argument.

When the call finally ended, Oliver stared at his paper for a long time before sighing and throwing it in the bin.