...And I Am Going Home

Journal Entry 6

Though it had been a year since Snickelway, people were still posting on the chat server Cody had created. It was mostly any missing people articles and updates if they matched any of the details of our disappearances, such as a lack of traces of their kidnappings and if there had been no recordings or witnesses.

However, one day, someone posted the global statistics of missing people cases, how many of them were unsolved, and matched the Snickelway kidnappings. Missing people cases were considerably higher, but that was always the case with the rising population. But what was scary was the consistency throughout the year. There was a slight variation likely due to people going missing, not due to Snickelway, but the person who had posted this information had made graphs for every country they could displaying the rising rate of missing people and showing the same steady rate for that whole year, which should, probability wise, be improbable.

It's you.

I wish the person hadn't posted this. I was starting to be happy but then I had to be reminded that you exist and are still out there, holding to your promise, that war declaration on the entire human race that one day you will retake us all.

I can understand why the person posted it because we are all watching any updates to see if you are real and still out there. And I think we're all just upset that you actually are, and not that we were just mad, and there is proof that you exist. The whole server is in disarray over this information, panicking with some people trying to calculate how long it would take for the entire world to be taken by Snickelway, which causes more panic.

Cody is noticeably quiet on this matter. I thought at least he would try and help calm things down, but he hasn't, though he has been online to see the post. I messaged him, fearing it had affected him and asked if he had seen it. After two days, Cody finally replied, saying that he had before quickly moving on to another subject. I obviously saw through the tactic but understood that Cody did not want to discuss it further, which was valid. I, too, do not want to think about it, especially as, according to people's calculations, you will devour and take humanity within the next twenty to thirty years. So, at the very oldest, I'll be in my sixties when all of humanity has been taken not quite retirement age. I definitely do not bother having children, not that I wanted them to begin with. Twenty to thirty years left; I wished I had not known this. But I wonder what would be best: to have a given time period before you know that your life is over or to live not knowing how long you have, whether it be several decades or the next day. What would be the least frightening? Counting down the days until the certainty of the end or living in uncertainty with an unknown number of days counting down?

If you knew how long you had left, you could plan out all your days and have an entire schedule to complete before you are taken. But what would I plan out? It takes me back to what I wrote down on the Snickelway bucket list Cody, and I did together, which was essentially what we wanted to do or achieve before you took us away. Cody would spend his last days travelling, seeing the world, trying new and exciting experiences and food, and composing songs. Meanwhile, what would I do? The more I think about it, the more I feel I would do nothing in that time. I would do nothing on purpose, not because of misery and apathy of the situation but because the mundanity of life, the normal monotomous aspects, have always made me the happiest, the safest and most comfortable. Just a single day with nothing happening is the best day. I don't know if this is the wrong answer to life, that I have just wasted life; the oxygen I breathe and the space I occupy is a waste since someone else would have done more with it, achieved more, done something more meaningful and impactful. Is it wrong to want nothing special? To live a life so simple and mundane, even in my last moments? Is there something wrong with me? Am I being just silly? We are told to seize the day and live life to the fullest, but what if I don't want that?