...And I Am Going Home

Cody 1

It was now two weeks after New Year's, and the last of the leftovers was finally gone, which to most people would sound like a long time, but the Douglas family liked to go all out on food for the holidays, especially in December. Most of the remaining leftovers were boxes of chocolates, biscuits, and crackers that would keep, but not when Cody felt particularly bored and needed something to munch on. However, he had been attempting to control his bad eating habits; one of his New Year's Resolutions was to lose weight. It was always his New Year's Resolution which proved his failure year after year. And this year was likely to be no different; he would try for the first month or so before returning to hate himself as he stuffed his face when something went wrong or he got stressed or even understimulated.

The approaching time for his Saturday phone call with Oliver was close, and Cody successfully stopped himself from finding something to snack on as he waited anxiously, not wanting to call too early or too late. When it was finally time, Cody pressed the call button on his phone and chewed on his thumb in anticipation. It never got any easier. It should be getting easier, or rather, it should never have been difficult. Cody had never had trouble talking to people; it was as easy as breathing, but now Cody's breath caught in his throat as Oliver answered, and he heard his voice.

They went through the usual catching up before Cody told Oliver a story from work, elaborating a bit more for dramatic storytelling purposes, which then led them down a tangent, the time passing by with ease before, eventually, Oliver went quiet, as if he was contemplating something, perhaps hesitating to say something.

"You alright?" Cody asked, attempting to sound casual because he was perhaps overreacting, imagining signals, but he was correct.

"I've been thinking," Oliver began, never a good sign. "And I think I'm going to start dating again."

Cody's throat went dry; he almost choked as he responded, "ah, right." It was all he could think of. He didn't know how he was supposed to respond. Maybe the truth? But what was the truth? That he still wanted to be with Oliver even after all this time, but because of everything that had happened, he wasn't ready. Not emotionally, not mentally, not physically. And it was unfair to say that, to keep Oliver waiting for a relationship that may not happen soon, or perhaps never. Because Cody didn't know if he would ever be okay again, he thought he would only be with his parents for a month. Still, now it was almost coming to a year, the anniversary of when he was kidnapped by Snickelway, a year since meeting Oliver for the first time.

"So you've met someone then?" Cody asked, his voice cracking from how dry his mouth had become. "They treating you right?"

"No, I haven't met anyone."

Cody let out a breath of relief, then winced, feeling guilty. He shouldn't be thinking that there was still hope for both of them. He was why they weren't together right now, still recovering and pushing Oliver away, not letting him see him in person. They could have worked out a long-distance relationship, met up once a month or something, but Cody couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle a lot of things lately. No matter what form that took, he wasn't ready to be with anyone right now. But Oliver was, and he shouldn't cling to him and deny him happiness with someone else.

"So, you'll be doing all the dating apps then? Hit the clubs?" Cody joked, knowing Oliver was not the type to flirt with someone at a bar and have a one-night stand.

"Don't know yet," replied Oliver, his voice as flat as ever. "Just know that I'm ready to get back in there after Arden."

Ah, Arden, his ex-boyfriend.

"Think a year is a good amount of time to get over that," Oliver continued. "Finally got a job that I somewhat like, just my love life that needs sorting now."

"Well, I wish you the best of luck," said Cody, forcing a smile even though Oliver couldn't see, but perhaps he would hear that smile in his voice.

There was a pause before Oliver said, "thank you."

Fortunately, the topic changed as Oliver discussed the band's upcoming gig, though Cody wasn't exactly happy to talk about it since it reminded him how long it had been since he had last performed.

When the call ended, Cody sat silently, his hands clenched around his knees, his nails digging into his skin. He went downstairs, grabbed a large sharing portion of crisps, returned to his room, and scrolled through his laptop at the Snickelway Server that was always open. As he devoured the packet, he looked through the server's section, where people posted theories about Snickelway. There hadn't been any updates, but he read through them for the hundredth time regardless, hoping that he would discover something new. The cathexis Snickelway had over him was difficult to break. In his spare time, all he did was try to find out more about this monster that would one day return for him and the rest of humanity. His therapist recommended trying to move on, but how could he? How could he live whilst knowing that this thing was out there? What was the point of living if it would all be taken away at any moment?

There was a ding as a new comment appeared on the server, another survivor struggling to deal with the fact that the anniversary of her kidnapping was soon. Cody replied to it, giving her a message of comfort and support, that everything would be alright even if he did not believe it himself.