Fall for me

Chapter seven

My alarm blares through one ear and out the other, because I don't wake up until I hear my mom knocking on the door to the stairs. "Erin, honey, are you awake?" She says softly. My eyes shoot open and Stiles is still laying behind me, with his arms tightly wrapped around my torso. "Honey, do I need to come down there and get you up?" She speaks again, this time I hear the door open. "Shit, no... no mom I'm up. I just uh- I just got out of the shower." I say hoping to whatever is out there that she doesn't come down here.
The door shut and I unlatched Stiles arms from me. I shook his arm, "Hey.. it's morning. We're going to be late for school." His head finally perks up. "I'm going to take a shower, thank you for coming and staying with me. It means more than you'll ever know." I say quickly and pop into the bathroom. I'm in and out of the bathroom in twenty minutes but when I get back to my room he's gone. I mean, I get it... he had to leave, we didn't want to risk getting caught. Honestly, I don't think my parents would even be mad if they found out. They think he can do no wrong, they absolutely love him.
Just like everyday I pull into Tristan's driveway and she's standing there waiting for me. Instead of the normal smile that's always caked on her face it's turned into a frown. She has little line marks on her forehead and swollen eyes. Charli is not with her. My car halts to a stop and Tristan gives me a small smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "Hey, what's up?" I say when she closes the door. She looks blankly at me before responding, "Wow, I don't think I've heard you talk this early in years... Charli didn't show up. She never said anything to me, but I'm sure she's still pissed about what happened the other night." She lets out a big gush of air.
"You okay? How did your parents take everything? I'm sure she's still pissed, but I really don't care. Someone had to call her out on her bullshit." I shrug my shoulders and begin to drive. "I'm fine, I've had nightmares here and there but I can normally wake myself up. My parents were initially really pissed, but once they realized that nothing happened and the only bad thing to happen that night was us drinking, smoking, and lying they let up a little bit. It did turn into one big lecture about what could have happened though. As for Charli, I'm sure she didn't say anything to me because she knows I immediately would have told you and told her off. She's probably embarrassed too, hell I would be."
I nod my head in response but don't say anything. We sit in a comfortable silence, and it brings back the memory of the exact moment I knew she was my best friend and would be forever. We were in middle school and we had been hanging out for years at this point. All us girls were supposed to have a sleepover at my house after school that day. It was the first Friday after seventh grade started. One of the girls who liked Stiles made up a rumor saying that I had head lice and she saw me picking them out of my hair.
There were a lot of times that mean girls tried to break up our friend group, especially over the boys being our friends but usually nothing ever made our friendship falter. I hadn't heard the rumor until the end of the day and we were all supposed to meet up to get on my bus together. Tristan was right where she was supposed to be but none of the other girls were. I caught a glimpse of Charli, so I made a beeline for her, "hey! What's going on? Are you guys not riding the bus with us?" She looked me up and down and laughed. "No, we're not riding the bus with you. We also won't be at your house either, I can't get lice." She said with a smirk smeared across her face. Emily, the girl who had started the rumor, was standing behind her with her entire group of friends and they all laughed at me.
I was heartbroken. It was the first time I remember feeling real emotional pain. I turned around and made my way back to Tristan, tears welling in my eyes. I remember looking down at my feet scared to face anyone else, as they all heard about it by now. When I made it back to where I left her she was gone. My little heart broke even more, I felt disgusting and ruined. Even though I knew I didn't have lice.
I heard shouting behind me and as I turned around Tristan was on her way back to me with a giant smile on her face. "What happened?" I looked up at her as the tears were streaming down my face. "Nothing, let's go." She said and nodded her head toward my bus. "Are you sure you want to be seen leaving with the girl who has "lice""? I say while looking back down to my feet. "You don't have lice, and I promise Emily will not be a problem again." She said emphasizing on not. She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and led me to the bus. We stayed at my house all weekend and really haven't separated since.
I found out a week after our sleepover weekend that Tristan had grabbed Emily up by her ponytail and got in her face and told her if she ever messed with me again, or started a rumor about anyone else that she would be getting worse than a headache. Two weeks after the whole fiasco the nurse caught wind of the rumor and did head checks, Emily and her entire friend group was sent home with lice and couldn't come back until it was gone.
When I pulled into the parking lot, in the same spot I've been parking in since I got my license, Stiles' jeep was already parked next to it. But unlike two days before, he was not waiting outside. No one was there, actually. There were a few people hanging back in their cars but no one I recognized.
Tristan and I walked into first period and all of our friends were already there sitting down in their normal seats. No one looked up at us, it was like we weren't there. Everything started to feel like a dream, you know the one where you walk into class and everyone starts laughing so you look down and you're not wearing any pants? Tristan and I exchanged a look, but went ahead and sat down.
Finally Landon looked over and saw Tritan and got a big cheesy smile on his face. "Hey babe, I missed you." He said while giving her lips a small peck. I tried to fight the urge, but in the end just couldn't. I looked at Stiles. He was wearing dark jeans and a black nike hoodie. He was leaning down on the desk with his head propped up on his left arm, looking down at his phone. He was shaking his right leg, like he could feel me looking at him, but didn't want to give in to me.
The rest of class went the same way, no one really talked. I've had two classes since then and now it was time for lunch. Everyone was being so weird, Charli I could definitely understand why she would be upset with me, but everyone else? Maybe they were all just as freaked out as I was and just didn't know how to deal with it. I'm not sure how I was expecting today to go, but this was definitely the last way I would have imagined. Honestly everything just seemed out of focus but I can't tell if it's just me or not. I hope this is all a dream.
I walk into the lunchroom and everyone is at our table. Everyone is either talking or laughing, like first period had never happened. Maybe everyone was super weirded out seeing each other for the first time after the whole thing, but now they were fine. I took my designated seat, between Stiles and Tristan and nobody stopped what they were doing. Charli looked over at me and one of her eyes was all squinted up and she had somewhat of a snarl on her face. It was a look of pure disgust.
"Hey I got you some nuggets and white cheese dip, I wasn't sure which flavor water you wanted; strawberry kiwi or grape, so I just got both and we can just trade off." Tristan said as her smile bubbled up my mood. I gave her a cheeky grin, "Awh, you looove me. Thank you" I said. She shrugged her shoulders but her smile never faltered. Everyone went back to their conversations like normal.
I was putting my airpods in when I heard a snip of Chase's conversation. "Yeah, dude it totally felt real. My entire body was shaking and I swear my heart stopped beating bro." He was talking to Auggie and Stiles. Stiles turned his head toward me and we made eye contact for maybe two seconds before his head snapped back forward and continued listening. "Yeah, I was like totally freaked out, I don't remember the first like five minutes after it happened. Must be a trauma thing or something." Charli added from across the table. I rolled my eyes, at how credulous they all were being.
"I don't know guys... it's hard to believe that it didn't happen. Or that it was all a hallucination. It was so real, and the absolute terror in her voice and her scream — it's still haunting me." Tristan says while zoning out. I looked around my group of friends and they all pretty well had the same expression. Shock...but also disbelief. I don't know what the disbelief was for though; the fact that it happened or the fact that she believes it did. "Sorry everyone, but I'm with Tris on this one. I'm having nightmares and panic attacks —" I pause and Stiles turns and looks at me. There's a hint of emotion in his eyes, but he turns away before I can decipher what it is. "Like, sometimes I feel like I'm the one who's drowning. Like I'm the one who was pushing and I'm fighting for my life just for one breath of air."
I scan the faces around me, but I don't get much. Without looking at me Stiles places his hand on my knee under the table and squeezes. Tristan sets her hand on my shoulder and lightly rubs. "I don't know, we were all pretty messed up and I think we could have seen anything and believed it. Or in this case what we didn't see." Linds says while looking at her phone. She's been on her phone a lot recently and it's gotten me a little worried. I know for a fact that she's definitely not reading, I haven't seen her read a book since the fourth grade when we got prizes for finishing certain chapters of the book we were reading in class.
I don't know anything forsure, so I wouldn't push anything on them. If it was easier for them to believe that nothing happened, then I would let them. Until I found something to prove that it was real. Even if I had to figure the entire thing out myself. I would get to the bottom of this whole situation, because something just didn't feel right. I won't ignore my gut again, the last time I did...

                               ***

After school I decided I was going to try to do a little digging of my own. I dressed in leggings and a black tank top with a thick, wool black cardigan over it. I put my thick hair into two french braids and put on some running shoes, in case I would need to run. My dad wouldn't be home for another hour so I had time to do what I needed to. In a little over ten minutes I was pulling up to the clearing in the woods that led to the waterfall from the common road. I parked my car in the little dirt lot and before I could talk myself out of it, started my journey. There was a dirt path that led all the way there, covered in sticks and fallen leaves.
After fifteen minutes of walking I finally reached the top of the cliff. The scene of the "accident". Just like Mr. Sanders said there were no footprints. As in not a single footprint or scuff in the dirt. It looked as if no one had been up here for months, and not a single stick or animal had made its way over here. Obviously, someone had swept the area to make sure there was going to be no evidence.
I heard a small voice and looked behind me startled, but there was no one there. Just when I thought I was going crazy, I heard it again. It was coming from below. Maybe the girl had made it out safely and found her way back to the area. I took two small steps closer to the edge of the waterfall. The second I saw the water it was like I received a blow to the chest. All the air in my lungs was drained and I couldn't regain control of my breath. I stumbled and slammed into a tree grasping at my chest. Everything was turning foggy and the edges of my vision went blurry.
I opened my eyes and I couldn't see anything. Everything was totally blurred out, it was like looking out a windshield in the winter. I could see the colors blurred together but not much else. I blinked a few times until my vision went back to normal. I grabbed my phone out of the side pocket of my leggings, it was five forty five. My parents were going to kill me. I don't even try to rush, because I know no matter what I do it's not going to help my punishment. I deserve whatever they decide to punish me with.
When I pull up in my driveway my dad is the only one home, I'm not surprised per say. I just figured my dad was going to freak and call my mom and they'd both be sitting here waiting for me. I reluctantly open the door and my dad is sitting in his reclining chair with it facing the front door. Yeah, definitely getting chewed out for this one. He has a glass of whiskey in his hand with a big ball of ice in the center of it. There's moisture on the outside of the glass, so if I'm guessing... this isn't his first one.
When I finally have the courage to look at him he has a solemn look on his face. I instantly break out in tears, and he quickly gets up and wraps his arms tightly around me. "Erin baby, what's wrong? Where were you?" He says with an emotion I can't name. Which makes me feel even more like a terrible daughter. A few days ago I scared them to death and here I am being selfish and disrespectful. "I'm so sorry daddy. I just – I'm having a really hard time with this whole situation and I thought... I thought if I went back there it would help me sleep." I say letting out a breath of air.
He eases out of the hold and looks down at me. I never noticed how much his eyes remind me of my own. They're the perfect shade in between green and yellow. His eyes narrow at me, "I get it." He looks at our huge grandfather clock that sits next to our fireplace. "Look, your mom won't be home for another hour or so. Why don't you get cleaned up... and we just won't tell her about this okay?" I wipe my tears away and nod my head.
After about an hour, I walked into the kitchen and started getting everything out to make chicken alfredo. My dad reluctantly walked through the room, "Uh— I don't know how much help I can be but give me a job and I'll do it." He says. He looked like he was walking on eggshells, I don't think he could handle another breakdown. I gave him a cheesy smile and put him to work with the noodles. I'd rather have under or over cooked noodles than raw chicken. We worked silently together until dinner was done, my mom walked through the doors as we were plating the food.
A few days pass, and everyone goes remotely back to normal. Charli had apologized to everyone as a group but not me individually. I chose not to make a fuss, and continued on like I would any other normal day. Stiles and I haven't talked much, which means I haven't been sleeping. I think I've got four hours combined in the last four days. I've tried sleeping and just get woken up by bone shaking nightmares, if I even get that far. Most of the time I lay down and try to sleep when her screams are replaying in my mind like a soundtrack that I can't turn off. I've tried staying awake, keeping myself busy trying not to think about the way her body sounded when she hit the water. I try not to compare it to what it would sound like getting hit by a car.
No matter what I do, I don't get sleep; and I'm more exhausted than I can even begin to describe. All the muscles in my body are constantly yelling at me, and there's nothing I can do to stop the impendable life that has become mine.