Fall for me

Chapter twenty-two

The entire drive back to Stiles' house I'm in my head, somehow I forgot what way is up and what was is down. Everything is mismatched and not where it's supposed to be. I understand why he wants me to take the test, as a precaution... as a just in case. But a part of me feels like he doesn't trust me, also we've always used condoms and I've mostly taken my pill on time. These past few weeks have been crazy and exhausting, I've spent days literally crying myself a river. No one can blame me for being in such a haze that I missed a pill or two, but I've always taken them the next day like I'm supposed to. I pull in behind Chase's car in the driveway, but before I get out my mind travels back to Raken. Did he plan on kissing me... Why would he kiss me... What's even going on... and why do I care? It's weird since Raken told me what he did to my father... I've only thought about it once, well now twice. I'm surprised I'm not more upset than I am... I mean he did deserve it,  that and more. I'm staring out my window not wanting to go in and face Stiles when I see a smear of blonde move in front of me. Lindsey.
  She opens my passenger door and hops in, without a care in the world. "Hey, can we talk please?" She says with a voice way too enthusiastic than he should be for this conversation. "I have nothing to say to you." I practically have to pull it out of my throat. I look anywhere but at her, I think if I do look at her I'll burst into tears... and I don't want to cry today. "Look, I'm sorry, okay. I should have told you when it first happened. I was just confused and I didn't know what to do... I promise it was only a few times." She says while letting out a breath. Only a few times. She thinks somehow that makes it better? If it was only a few times then why would my father react the way he did and why would she be acting so suspicious for so long? I didn't think she'd lie to me... I mean knowing that I knew... I didn't think she would lie to me now. "Don't lie to me. If we're going to have this conversation, even though I definitely don't want to... don't lie. I know it lasted longer than a few times." I spit out at her. The look of shock registers on her face, not sure if it's because I'm right... or she didn't expect me to respond the way I did. "I — I'm not lying Erin. It really only happened two or three times. I tried to cut it off with him, but he would just manipulate me every time I tried. He told me that no one would believe me if I went to the authorities when he began stalking me. He told me that if I tried to tell you he would spin the story and make sure it would look like I was obsessed with him. I promise I tried to get out of it — I never should have let it begin, I am so sorry Erin." She's sobbing now. Tears are rolling down her perfectly spray tanned skin. This is one hundred percent not how I pictured my day to go at all. Watching her cry I don't feel anything — I am numb. "When did it start?" I looked around trying to see who the voice came from, it was unfamiliar and hoarse. There's no one else here — it came from me... that was my voice. "Don't be mad." She says quickly. "Just tell me, please I want this to be over with as soon as possible." I let out a sigh, I can't handle her crying for much longer.
  "Remember that trip we were all supposed to take junior year? I didn't go because —" I cut her off. "This has been going on since junior year!" Unbelievable. I cannot believe the words falling from her lips. I can feel my heart beating everywhere but in my chest. I let my head fall back onto the headrest and close my eyes. Everything she's trying to say is muffled by the sound of her sobbing. I can't take this anymore... I need this to be over. "I found out about this a few months ago. When I confronted him about it — he hit me. I had bruises on my face for over a week. When I talked to him after... with Stiles and Andrew — he called me a whore. He basically said I didn't mean anything to him and begged me not to tell my mom. That was the only thing he cared about." I let out, and then I got out of the car — leaving her a complete mess. A mess that isn't mine to clean up, he's going to have to fix her. Neither of them are my problem anymore... and I guess they never were.
  I walk into Stiles house and I can feel the tension, I don't know if it's good or bad. I turn into the living room and everyone is separated around the room. Stiles is the first to notice me, he takes a step in my direction... but decides against coming to me and turns back toward Courtney and Auggie. I let out a breath... How did we become this? Will we ever go back to how we were? I don't know the answer to any of those questions yet... but what I do know, is that I already miss him. He's my best friend... and I can't tell him what just happened — at least not yet. I'm sure I will at some point. "Okay so what did everyone decide?" I ask loudly. Everyone turns their head toward me and Tristan is the only one who smiles. I think back to the last couple of days and I don't remember doing anything that pissed anyone off, maybe it's not something I did; just the situation at hand. "Actually it's a split vote right now. You're the tie breaker." Chase says with his head laying on the bar. Tie breaker? Stiles said they'd come up with a solution — now he's lying to me too? I drag my eyes toward him, but as soon as our eyes meet he looks away. Guilt. Maybe I'm overreacting... I need to calm myself down and think logically — this is someone's life. "Okay, what are the options?" I croak out. I look around the room and everyone's head is down, did I say something wrong... what is with everyone today? "The first one I think is the most logical. We take everything we have to Sheriff Sanders and let him decide what the best thing to do is." Tris says. I nod my head, that does sound pretty logical to me. "Okay... and what else do we have?" I look around the room and no one makes eye contact. Okay so I guess this is not a good choice but maybe one Chase came up with. " The second choice is dropping everything. Just minding our own business." Landon says from behind Tristan. "Drop everything?" I say confused and angry. "Graduation is in two weeks! I would actually like to make it to the ceremony." Charli says through her slithering snake tongue. How can any one of them think that's the right answer? That's disgusting... how would they feel— I cut my thoughts off to speak them.  
  "How would you feel if it were you... or your best friend... your girlfriend... someone you were missing? Would you want someone with information to not do anything? Why — because they have graduation? This is not only one person's life, but two. She is a human being and you guys are treating it as if this is a burden to you. How dare you." My blood is boiling, I walk outside before I literally blow up. How can they think like this? How are these the friends I've had for years and expected to have for life? Honestly I can't be shocked by this, Chase is probably the one who came up with this. It is his brother. A million thoughts are racing through my head, but I decide to go in anyway. " Okay, this is my decision. All of you go home and pretend this never happened. Stiles and I — or just me will give Andrew and my mom all the information I have and none of this has to come back to any of you. Just forget it ever happened like most of you did to begin with." I finish without looking at any of them and go to Stiles' room.
  I spend the next hour or so replaying my day in my head, over and over. Raken doesn't seem like he could have done that to someone. Like he doesn't have it in him... I mean he did push a baby into oncoming traffic so who knows... I go back and forth with all the information I know and something just isn't adding up. How can no one remember a single thing about this girl? She had to have a best friend, a parent, someone who misses her. Why hasn't anyone reported her missing, hung flyers all over the town, gone to the news about her missing? Did she really have no one... if that is the case Raken really knows how to pick them. The door is pushed open pulling me out of my thoughts. "Hey..." He says while keeping his eyes trained on his feet. Just seeing him makes my heart ache, I wish I could cuddle into his chest and feel everything fading away. I wish I could tell him about everything that happened today, but I don't know where his head is. "I'm sorry I acted the way I did when you wanted me to take the test. It was childish, I just felt like you didn't trust me — but I'll take it." I move to stand up when he drops to his knees and lays his head in my lap. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way Erin, I really am. I just — I needed to know. I don't know if you know this or not and it's probably not my place to tell you either. But your mom was pregnant before she had you — while she was in high school. She got an abortion and never talked about it again. My mom told me about it when she was giving me my sex talk and made me promise to never tell you. I can only imagine the way she felt at that time — so young and with little to no options... I just didn't want to happen to us. To you." The words leave his mouth but it's like I can't comprehend them. I've never once heard my mother talk about this, never once had any suspicions about this. I understand why she would keep something like this to herself but that doesn't make it hurt less. I lift my hands to his hair and start braiding and unbraiding the length, without a single word. After a while he climbs onto the bed and lets me rest my head on his chest, just how I wanted to when he came in.
  My head is going in circles and circles around today's events and I just want everything to stop. I want this to be over, I want to never have to think of any of this again. Once we tell Andrew it's completely out of our hands, we would have done everything we could have to help this girl... and that's just going to have to be enough. Tears slowly start to spill from my eyes, mixed with the makeup everything burns. The ache in my heart for my teenage mother burns the most, I wish I could have helped her at that time. I remember when I was a freshman I always thought about how it would feel to hangout with my parents when they were teenagers. What they would be like, how they'd act, who their friends would be. I never could have imagined this. I raise my head off his chest and look into the only thing that could calm me right now, his soft honey eyes. He's the only person I could imagine my life with, I can't believe I would have let Raken kiss me earlier. What is wrong with me? I have the most perfect boyfriend I could ever want, the only person I've ever wanted — and I almost messed everything up. Again. " What's going on in that head of yours?" He says while wiping stray tears from my cheeks. I can't tell him what I was actually thinking about, but I can start the end of all of this. "What do you want to do first? Pregnancy test or tell our parents everything we know?" I say with a shy smile. He lets out a deep chuckle that makes my heart flutter. There is no one else in this world for me, I am completely and utterly in love with this boy, the boy I've always loved. "Let's definitely get the parents out of the way. I'm already dreading the grounding we're about to get." He sighs but doesn't move.
  The question I've been wanting to ask him since he came in pops back into my mind, and I have to ask him. "Who came up with the idea to drop everything... Was it Chase?" I barely mumble out. His face changes to confusion and then understanding. He lets out a breath but doesn't immediately speak. "I won't be upset... I mean I get it. It's his brother's life." I say. "It was Charli. She's the one who brought it up. Chase actually voted for telling my dad. He said if Raken really did do this, he needs to be held accountable." I nod my head in response. I'm not shocked I definitely don't put it past Charli to act that way... but I am shocked by Chase. I'm glad we have his go ahead before we do this. "Why do you think we can't find out hardly anything about this girl, Stiles? Why are they trying to erase her... like she never existed? Doesn't she have someone missing her... wanting her to come home?" I let out a breath of air... I'll never understand how people are. "I don't know, baby... Maybe she left a note saying she was running away. Maybe Raken's parents paid her parents off, it's fucked... but those type of things do happen. They're trying to erase her from everyone's memory so they don't get caught... It's what evil people do." We're both quiet for a few minutes, unsure of what's left to say. Maybe dragging this time out before we have to go and admit to a lot of things that are going to get us in trouble.
  "I went back there today... I ran into Raken. He told me he beat my dad up — pretty bad too." I pause to let him take in the information, before crushing him. I just hope he forgives me... "I only stayed one... because I was scared, and two because I thought if I could ask him questions it might fill in some of the blanks... but he tried to kiss me. I didn't move, I didn't try to stop him. He kissed my head and I basically ran from him after that." I pull in a gush of air, my lungs feeling deflated. He nods his head over and over a couple of times before he responds. "I get it... you were scared. I probably wouldn't have made any quick movements if he were close to me either. It's not your fault... Anything else you would like to share before we head out?" He asks. "Actually yes. But I can tell you on the way." He nods and pulls me up from the bed. Within minutes we're in his jeep on the way to the police station to finally get everything we know off our chests.
  The entire car ride there I told him everything that Lindsey said to me and everything I told her. He doesn't interrupt me, he lets me talk until I can't talk anymore. Once I'm finally finished I realize that he's pulled over five minutes away from the police station. "Erin... I think we should file a police report... and put everything you just told me in it. He can't get away with all of this— just like Raken can't get away with what he did. I hate to be the one to tell you this but Lindsey is still underage. If it really started when she said it did then she would have been sixteen... that's counted as rape, even if she consented at the time. It doesn't count as consent if she's underage. I love you, I'm so sorry this is all happening to you. But just think about it okay." He says leaving me speechless. He gently brushes his lips against mine and leaves me not only speechless but breathless. Then he starts his car and begins to drive.