Fall for me

Chapter seventeen

  Raken instantly chilled when my fingers gripped around his bicep, that is when I saw a look in his eyes... that I've never seen before. It was soft, and gentle and the entire world stopped. Everything was in slow motion around us, and it felt like I was watching this happen outside of my body. I was holding my breath, praying to who knows what's out there... that this wouldn't end badly. He reached his hand out and I flinched down covering myself with my hands, as soon as I did it I heard him intake a sharp breath. Instantly I felt my cheeks warm, in embarrassment. I shift my eyes everywhere they could possibly go without landing on him. He pulls his hand out again and lifts my chin, and I'm looking right into his blueish green eyes. His face is tanner than the last time I saw him, and he has frown lines on his forehead. I could count the times I've spoken to Raken in my entire life on one hand, but he feels so familiar. Just being close to him makes me feel something deep inside my chest, and I don't know why. I'm not sure if it's fear... or longing. I could have sworn that he began leaning in, when the laughter of Chase seeped into my ears. I lunch back and Raken smiles deeply before turning and walking away.
  None of this makes sense, I raise my hand to my head wondering if I fell or something... and I'm imagining this whole day. Shit, maybe my father hit me harder than I thought... "Hey you okay?" Stiles' voice fills my ears. I nod my head, not being able to get a word out. He threads our fingers together and leads me to his jeep, where he repeats the same routine he always does... and my heart flips in my chest. There's no way I could possibly love him more... than I do right this second. When I'm around him... I feel lighter... I feel happier, even when he doesn't do anything. I doze off on the car ride back to Stiles house, I wake when he's opening my car door. "Good morning, Sunshine." He repeats the same line from this morning. He reaches across me to unbuckle the seatbelt and I place slow kisses along the side of his neck. I watch his skin raise with goosebumps, and feel his excitement digging into my leg. I feel a smile press against my lips and next thing I know I'm in Stiles' arms. My head is thrown back into a fit of laughter, not remembering the last time my cheeks hurt this bad from smiling. He carries me through the garage, and the door to the house is swung open. We're about to walk through the threshold when we hear Andrew talking quietly around the corner. "Yeah, yeah. I've looked into it and there's just nothing there. No, the second I walked into that movie theater the kid shriveled up like a damn shrimp. Okay — wait, what was the name again? Kolt Phillips? Okay, got it. I'll have a deputy pick him up and bring him in on Monday morning. Okay, yeah. I love you too." He ends the phone call and my jaw is on the floor. Who is this mystery person... that he loves? I look at Stiles and he has almost the same expression on his face. But he also looks hurt, and my heart breaks for him.
  After about five minutes of us both standing there completely flabbergasted, we made a b-line to his room. We sat in silence for a few minutes before I said, "Did you know?" I ask. There's only one person he works with, that he would trust enough to talk about what they were talking about... my mom. His eyes flick up to mine and they're filled with tears that haven't spilled yet. I sink to my knees in front of him, laying my head in his lap. Both my parents are cheaters... and Andrew... is dating his dead wife's best friend. Everything is completely fucked, I don't think anything will ever be the same again.
  I wake up to sunrays dancing along my skin, the thought of moving makes me want to vomit. Today's the day... the day that I confronted my father. I don't know if I'll ever be able to call him dad again. The only thing in this world I need is Stiles. My phone vibrates on the nightstand next to me, and I lift my head to see who it is when serious nausea hits me. I grab my phone and hightail to the bathroom, in case I do need to throw up. I missed two calls from Tristan, a few days ago she called me wondering why I wasn't at school. I gave her the shortened version, the one that leaves out the cheating and physical abuse. But I guess now she's ready to hear the full story, I text her to meet me at Stiles' house in twenty minutes.
It's been fifteen minutes since I texted Tris to meet me. I'm sitting on a very sad and old tire swing that's been here my entire life. A few weeks into summer break after third grade, Stiles had asked his dad how long it had been here. Those three weeks we'd been playing on it every single day, of course it had always been here; but it didn't intrigue us like it did that summer. Andrew was a better version of himself back then... nicer, sweeter, and more caring. Anytime Stiles took the time to ask him questions, no matter what he was doing... he would stop and give Stiles and I a very thought out answer. So when we'd asked about the swing in the yard he was working on my moms car, it had stopped in the middle of the road the day before. She was taking Stiles and I to go get ice cream and on the way home, we stopped and visited his dad at work. I remember thinking that it was really strange to be stopping here, when dad and Aunt Sophie weren't here. Before that day I don't think I had ever seen just my mom and Andrew together... just like I had never seen my dad and Aunt Sophie alone together. He cleaned his hands off with an unknown clear liquid, and an old rag that he always keeps in the garage. He led us to the swing, I decided to jump in and Stiles pushed me. Andrew stood there looking at the lake in front of us for a long time before he spoke. "When I was just a boy, probably the same age you are now... a big family lived here. They had seven kids, two of those kids weren't always here... sometimes they stayed with their mom. They had put up the tire swing a few years after they moved in, to keep their many kids and all their friends occupied during the summer, I'm guessing. When most of the kids were grown, the first child; a boy. Had a baby with his wife, his parents... the ones who owned the house only had two young kids left. If I remember correctly they were both girls and the youngest was around thirteen. They didn't see a need for a big house... with a big yard anymore, so they gave their house to their son." He paused for a long while before starting again, not looking anywhere but this lake. "The song had taken good care of his family, the house, and the yard... when his child was around ten... he drowned in the lake." He stops again motioning toward the lake. I had never heard this story before and I was very scared. As soon as the word drowned had left his lips I put my feet down and drug them through the dirt to stop myself. "At that time, your mom was pregnant with you... and he sold me the house." He finishes looking toward Stiles. I never had much interest in that body of water, but definitely after that story... I went nowhere near it.
I jump almost completely out of the swing when I see someone walking up to me through my hazed eyes. Just to be embarrassed because it was Tristan. "Hey..." She says softly, like just the word coming out of her mouth is making the awkwardness exist. I let out a breath and give her a small smile, before getting out of the swing and sitting on the bench. The bench is probably as old as the tire swing, it's a golden brown of rust where all the metal connects the wood. We sit for probably ten minutes, our eyes not daring to leave the lake in front of us. I know I have to tell her, I just want a few more minutes of normality before I can't pretend anymore. She lets out a giant breath before turning to me, " Okay! I can't take it anymore! Has someone died? Is someone hurt? Tell me what's going on!" She finishes. I nod my head at her still looking out, not being able to look into her eyes when I tell her how my life has gone to complete shit in the past year. I don't leave anything out... I tell her about the investigation that Stiles and I are doing, I tell her about all the weird things Lindsey had been doing, what my dad did to me, what I think is going on with my mom and Andrew... and I even tell her about what's happened with Raken. By the end of everything her jaw is hanging open so wide, I think she'll start attracting bugs... so I close it for her. The bruises on my cheek have changed into a green and yellow shade, much easier to cover with makeup. I won't be doing that today, he needs to see what he's done to me. I also took pictures right after it happened, and throughout the next few days after. We talk about everything for a little while, I explain everything she asks questions about. Until I look at my phone.
"Shit! I have to go, I'm sorry!" I call out to her as I'm running back toward the house. When I make it inside Stiles and Andrew are sitting in the kitchen, Stiles has his phone held up to his ear. Right before he sees me he brings the phone down and scoffs, "Unbelievable. Where are you?" I rush in and apologize immensely, before rushing to his rooms and changing my clothes quickly. Before I knew it... all three of us were sitting in Andrew's sheriff's car, and on the way to the house I've lived in my entire life. My throat begins to sizzle, the inside of it gripping together trying not to let any air squeeze its way through. Stiles and I are both sitting in the back of the car, locked in... not able to get out ourselves if we wanted too. Stiles must hear me gulping trying to reactivate all the throat muscles, because he reaches over and grips my hands. I notice for the first time that they're sweating, I can feel the moisture sitting on top of my skin. Which only makes everything worse... I yank my hand from Stiles' hold and begin wiping my hands along my jeans profusely. 'I can do this' I keep repeating to myself... I need to do this. Stiles gently grasps my hands again and I look out the window and see that we're pulling into the driveway of my home. No... of his home. It'll never be my home again.
"You ready?" His voice sounds far away, like he's not sitting right next to me. I look over at him, my breathing quickening more than it already was. "Can I have just a minute alone?" I'm surprised I got words to come out... forming an actual sentence. He gives me a worried look, but eventually nods and knocks on the door for his dad to let him out. He steps up to the front of the car, his dad following closely behind him. He left the door slightly open, so I wouldn't have to ask them to let me out. Classic Stiles... always thinking of me. Always giving me an out because he knows I'll need one. Leaning my head through my legs and counting my breaths over and over I go over all the points of today. Why I need to do this... and why Stiles and Andrew are here as well. I go over about a million different ways this can go in my head before I sit up. "I can do this." I whisper to myself and get out of the car.
We walk to the door together, both of them on either side of me, like bodyguards. Technically that is what they're here for. I know I didn't want to be alone with him again, I'm not actually sure if I think he'll hit me again. I just didn't want to take chances because... I didn't think he'd hit me in the first place. I raise my hand to knock when the door swings open and he's standing there... right in front of me. He looks fine, like nothing in his life is going wrong... like it didn't get flipped upside down that day, like mine did. I had always thought of my dad as some kind of superhero... doesn't every kid? He saved animals during the day and was home every night... no matter what. He always loved me, and gave me sympathy when I needed it... when my mother wouldn't give it to me. I always loved him, no matter what. I trusted him wholeheartedly, without any doubts. He ruined it... he ruined everything. He leans in to hug me and I hunch away, making sure none of him touches me. I feel Stiles step forward, but he stops not making it in front of me. "What is this?" My father says motioning to both of them, now standing beside me. "I didn't feel safe alone with you." I respond, my voice even and calm. I honestly don't know how I managed that, but I roll with it. His face turns sour and without another word he turns and walks into the house, leaving the door open for us to follow. When we turn the corner into the living room, he's sitting in his chair. The same chair he's always sat in... with a glass of whiskey sitting next to him. I sit across from him, on the couch and Stiles sits next to me... not too close but not too far either. Andrew stands in the doorway of the living room, leaving room for us, but also not too far away if things get heated. I look around, trying to make him squirm before I begin. "Look I-" He starts but I cut him off.
"No. I will be the one talking right now. You're going to sit there and listen to what I have to say." I finished. He grimaces but nods his head, taking a big swing of his drink. Of course he's drinking, I thank myself in my head for bringing them with me. "You hit me." I pause and he opens his mouth to start again but I cut him off before he can. "You hit me. No matter what I was saying... or what I did... nothing gives you the right to put your hands on me." I pause again looking toward the wall so he can see the bruises he left on me. "You... my father... did this to me." I grab my phone and unlock it, handing it to him. It's already on the pictures of what my face has looked like in the past week. His face scrunches and recoils from the phone, as if moving away from it will make it disappear. "You took pictures?" He gets out, sounding hurt. "Yeah, I took pictures. What? ... Does it hurt? Knowing that someone who is supposed to love you... and protect you would do something to hurt you?" He looks around the room, trying to look anywhere but at me. "Look at me." I spit out through my teeth. He doesn't only now he's looking at Andrew. "Look at me!" I yell out to get his attention. Stiles scoots to the edge of the couch as if he'll have to get up in a hurry. He finally does force his eyes to look at mine. "What do you have to say for yourself?" I let out, almost like a breath. I'm not sure the words had even come out until he looked around the room as if trying to get granted permission.
"I — I know I shouldn't have hit you. You had no right..." I begin to open my mouth and fight what he's saying. How dare he turn this back on me. "No! You said it was my turn, so now you get to sit there and listen to me!" He yells, throwing his cup at the wall while doing so. Stiles is standing now and Andrew is a few steps closer than he was. "Look... just don't tell your mom about Lindsey. Don't tell her about me hitting you and I don't care what you do. Move in with him for all I care. I'll pay yo—" He's cut off by Stiles punching him in the face.
  He doesn't care that he hurt me... he doesn't care about me. All he cares about is that my mother doesn't find out. I feel the animal clawing its way up my throat... trying to find a way out. Beads of sweat start to form on the back of my neck, and the leather couch under me is making an awful squeaking noise everytime I breathe. Each thing that I notice makes me more and more uncomfortable, and then the yelling brings me back to the situation unfolding in front of me. My father is now on the floor, right where he was previously standing. Stiles is still hovering over him, like he's shielding me from him, from the monster... who's supposed to be my dad. The person who's supposed to love me unconditionally, protect me, be by my side for my entire life... I don't know who this person is cowering down on the floor. Stiles looks over his shoulder at me, as if asking what to do next. I'm at a loss for words, I have no idea what to say to this new stranger. Stiles straightens and walks next to me, gripping his hand in mine. It gives me something I didn't even know I needed. He places one hand on my lower back while he brings his other hand across his body to thread our finger together, not letting go of me. "You have my permission to move in." Andrew speaks up for the first time. My father looks from Andrew to me... to Stiles before saying something worse than when he hit me. "You're such a whore. I bet you're fucking them both huh?" He says with a dirty smirk thrown along his face. Stiles begins to move when Andrew throws his entire body into the punch, landing on the opposite side that Stiles hit him. I cannot believe him, I came up with a million different scenarios and this wasn't close to any of them. He has his head in his hands not even attempting to defend himself. But he's laughing, a smug I got exactly what I wanted to laugh.
  "I'm moving in with them. I'm going to grab my stuff, and then I'm going to leave. You'll never see me again, if I have any say in the matter." He moves back into his recliner, lifting his head to look at me. I walk to my bedroom with Stiles not far behind me. I grab all three of my suitcases and begin filling them, I don't even realize I'm full on sobbing until Stiles wraps his lengthy arms around me and squeezes me until I stop. He helps me put as much as I can into these three little suitcases, my entire life wrapped up in them. I take in a giant breath of air before starting up the stairs, but Stiles grabs my hand. "Wait... I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry your dad is this person. He doesn't know anything about you, and I don't want you to let him get inside your head. You got this, stick him where it hurts. He's never going to put his hands on you again... I promise." The look in his eye is so definite. Like somehow he knows for a fact that I'll never be alone around him again, but he can't promise me that. If Raken can break into my home without anyone knowing... with me just in the next room than surely my dad will be able to. I don't voice any of my opinions, I just nod my head and kiss the palm of his strong hand. We get up the stairs and neither Andrew or my father have moved from their previous positions. Stiles is rolling two of my suitcases and I have one of them rolling behind me, but I stop. Looking at this man who used to be my dad, the one person I thought I had after aunt soph died. "Just so you know... when we leave here, I'll be filing a police report; and telling mom everything." He jumps out of his seat and lunges at me, so quick and surprisingly that I shriek in fear of him. He doesn't even get a foot in front of me before Andrew has him pinned back into his chair by his collar. I keep my eyes on the floor watching my feet take steps one after another, right as I'm passing through the door I hear Andrew speak. "Yeah, I'm not fucking your daughter. But I am fucking your wife." My breathing stops all at once, even though I had my suspensions... I didn't fully believe it. "Come on, Sunshine." Stiles says from outside the door, I don't know if he heard what I did... but I follow him.
  Everything that happens after that is a complete blur. One second I'm in the back of Andrew's car, the next I'm in the same room I was that night... the night my entire life changed. That was when everything began rolling down the unending hill... after that I'm sitting at a table with food in front of me, but I'm uncertain where I am. We have to figure this out, maybe if we do... everything will go back to normal. Like none of this happened, I miss my family. I miss Aunt Sophie, I miss being in the dark about everything around me, I miss not being scared to death about the next time Raken is going to have a surprise visit... I miss my old life, I miss my friends.
  How did my life get so fucked up... how did I not notice all of this happening around me? I'm supposed to graduate in two weeks, who am I going to have there cheering me on? I can't trust anyone in my life, besides Stiles... he's everything that I ever wanted, and the only person I'll ever need.