Fall for me

Chapter fifteen

I don't know how I expected to lose my virginity... but it wasn't like that, not with him. Of course I'd always hoped it would be Stiles but after sophomore year I gave up. Maybe I would lose it in a pleasant basement at a party, maybe in a disgusting bathroom, or even in a parked car. I always pictured that I wouldn't like it, because from what all my friends have said; the first time hurts and isn't enjoyable at all. The only thing boys care about is making themselves feel good, they never think about you in that situation. Stiles made it everything I hoped it would be, made me feel things I didn't know were possible to feel. Maybe it was so intense because of our love for each other, I guess I'll never know.
After I came to, he gave me a blanket to clean myself with and cuddled me until I was ready to leave. He made his promise to my dad and we made it back to my house by eleven forty seven, we did make it back before my mom. Stiles didn't want to take the chance of my dad telling him he couldn't stay so he gave proper goodbyes, parked down the street and snuck into my room. Everytime I see him, it feels like my heart is being squeezed inside my chest. My breathing increases, and I feel sweat dribble down my neck just at the sight of him. I've known him my entire life yet, he still makes me nervous. I wonder if I make him feel the same way, or if it's just me being a girl. He's been cuddling me for hours, but I can't fall asleep. Not after what we just did, my mind keeps replaying it. I turn on my other side facing him, and lean forward planting a kiss on his deep brown honey hair. His eyelids flutter open, making me regret touching him... I just couldn't help myself. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I whisper to him. A grin plays on his face as he responds, "I wasn't sleeping... I'm too jittery right now. I was afraid I was waking you up because I couldn't stay still."
I can feel my cheeks heat, I love knowing I have the same effect on him that he does on me. "Want to play twenty questions?" I say while playing with the long strands of his hair. He lets out a deep chuckle, "Sure... I don't know if we'll get any questions that we don't already know the answers to... but yeah." He finishes. "You first" I say while cuddling closer to his body. He lays his head on top of mine, that's resting on his chest. He hums for a minute before starting, "If you could go to one place in the entire world where would it be, and why?" I don't even have to think about my answer, it just shoots out. "Amsterdam. It's extremely beautiful, and you know I had a weird thing for learning about the holocaust in eighth grade. I want to visit the place Anne Frank hid out, I would also love to go to the restaurant that they went to in 'A Fault In Our Stars'. "Wow... that's actually really thoughtful. I think it would be pretty amazing to go see the Anne Frank house too. There's a lot of history there..." I smile quietly to myself. How lucky am I to find someone I'm so in love with, who understands me, and isn't a complete douchebag. "I'm giving you the same question." I say while leaning the upper half of my body back so I can see his face. "No that's not fair, you have to come up with your own questions." He says while leaning his head back in a fit of laughter. "There were no rules set in place when we started this game, so actually I can." I respond playfully. "Okay fair... If I could go anywhere? I would probably go to London again. I want to be able to see the Eiffel tower at this age so I can really appreciate it. It was the last trip we took, you know?" He says while peering down at me. I nod my head in response. We're both quiet for a few minutes, like a moment of silence for her. God I miss her, and if I miss her this much I can't even imagine how much he misses her. He kisses the top of my head and takes in a huge gush of breath. Slowly letting it out, making a few strands of my hair dance. "Can I skip turns? I have a question... but it's kind of personal." I say without meeting his glance. "Of course." He says, grabbing my chin and pulling my face to his.
Our lips brush against each other, within seconds becoming a full makeout with me straddling him. But wait, I have to ask this question first. I slide off his lap, landing on my knees next to him. "Have you ever..." I stop myself, this is ridiculous I can't ask him this. But on the other hand, I kind of need to know if he has. I start again, my lips trembling, "Have yo— you had sex before? You know... not with— me?" His cheeks turn a pale pink as he looks down at his hands. I can't tell if this is a good sign... or a bad one. His head falls back onto the pillow and he lets out a gush of air. I fucked up, I shouldn't have asked. "I — I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business." I make a move to get up but he grabs my wrist tightly stopping me in my tracks. "Stop, just sit down and let me explain. Please." He pleads with me. I push back the tears threatening to fall and sit down facing him. He sits up with his back on the headboard and he begins.
"Remember when I told you... about the first party Raken let me and Chase go to?" Fuck. Fuck... I'm such a dick, how could I forget that! Now I seem like an asshole for prying into his past. I nod my head not being able to trust how my voice would sound right now. "Well, after all that happened I was a wreck. I didn't know what happened and I was too embarrassed to ask anyone about it. I went on for weeks drinking, smoking, I even did coke a few times. I was a mess, I was pissed off at the world. There were a few parties I went to when girls would ask me if I was a virgin or not... you know little girl questions trying to get a giggle out of everyone. I was tired of not having an answer, or not knowing what to say... to them and to myself." He pauses letting out another breath. "So the first month of freshman year, I'm not exactly sure when it was but I know it was around that time... I was at a party and Lindsey and I were getting really close." My jaw drops. Him and Lindsey! I never would have guessed... "So yeah... I'm sure you can guess what happened." He finishes. " I'm so sorry for prying. You didn't have to tell me all that, but thank you for telling me. Also... Wow! You and Lindsey! I never would have guessed you two... together." I finish letting out a somewhat fake laugh. I wonder why she never told me about it. I'm not mad or anything, it just took me by surprise. "You didn't pry, and you did need to know. You know since we're... you know..." He motions his hand between us. "We have to know each other's history. So what about you?" Great the embarrassing part, he doesn't have much more experience than I do, but still. "No... you were my first." I look anywhere but his eyes. I hear him take a deep breath. "I'm sorry. If I would have known, I wouldn't have let it happen there. I would have done so much differently." He says draggins his hands down his face.
I sit up and straddle his lap again, grabbing his hands and ushering them away from his face. "It was perfect actually. I like how it didn't feel forced or planned, and honestly anywhere with you I wouldn't care where we were... it felt amazing. I mean it hurt at first, but after a few minutes it felt really good." I finished. His cheeks are the shade of ripe red apples, he moves to cover his face again when I press my lips to his. Our bodies molded together heatedly against the bed, breathing heavily as our lips crushed together. I could taste our shared breath, and feel the pounding of our combined heartbeat as we fumbled to take off each other's clothes.