Emotionless |seongjoong|

*1*

"Wake up

Wake up, world

Are you there?

It's time

Lies

Control

Rules

Numb

Hatred

Emptiness" Ateez Propaganda

Hongjoong:

It's been more than ten years since I've lost most of my feelings. So long that I couldn't even recall how I was before that. Happiness, love, empathy, sadness, excitement, fear, they were all gone. Only the emptiness was left behind. And I learned to live like that. Empty. Emotionless. I had to learn how, to hide it and pretend to be 'normal'. To the point that no one knew the real me. Even my closest friends had no idea who I truly was. But that was alright. After all, no one would stay by my side if they knew the truth. An empty person who couldn't return even the slightest amount of feelings. A freak.

...

I woke up from my nap, feeling something wet on my face. Tears. I was used to it. Because even if I couldn't feel sadness, my body still reacted. It was right when I was at home, but it happened when I was out too. Like now. I was taking a nap in the library. With my friends by my side.

"Are you okay?" Yunho asked me. I could see the concern in his eyes.

"Yeah, I just had a weird dream," I tried to calm him down.

My friends nodded understandingly before returning to their conversation. It took me a couple of minutes to awaken fully and join them. We were discussing our latest assignment. It was only the beginning of the year. Yet, we got buried in projects. And Woo had it the hardest. He was rolling his eyes and sighing all the time. I've always wondered how Yeosang could put up with him during the whole time. They knew each other almost as long as I knew Yunho.

"Hongjoong-ah, we should go now," Wooyoung snapped his fingers in front of my face.

I checked my phone, and Woo was right. It was almost time for our last lecture. So we headed to the lecture hall, rushing to get there in time. The professor was a real pain in the ass for those who got there late. And we didn't want to get in trouble. After all, we needed the extra credit from this course in case to keep up our scholarship. Luckily, we got there on time, and took our usual seats in the back of the room. The moment we sat down, Wooyoung fell asleep. I couldn't blame him. That lecture was boring. To put it in perspective, it was as boring as my life. So I stood there, listening to music, my friend sleeping on my shoulder. At some point, I started doodling on Woo's arm. It was his fault for using me as a pillow.

"Attention!" the professor yelled so loud that I could hear it over the music. "I've set you in groups of three for the upcoming project," he started listing the names. I was listening, but our names weren't among the first. We were one of the last groups. "Park Seonghwa, Kim Hongjoong and Jung Wooyoung."

To the sound of his name, Woo woke up and looked around in confusion. I had to explain to him, what had happened, and I told him the name of the guy we got grouped with. Then he started looking around, but it seemed like he didn't find the one he was looking for. Woo gave up on looking and took out his phone. He was searching for someone on Insta. It didn't take him long. He showed me the account of some guy with the user name: Mars_universe. The photos were of some pretty-looking guy.

"That's Seonghwa. I'll text him to tell him we're working together," Woo said before he took his phone back.

"Nice, another pretty and useless face," I rolled my eyes.

"He's not like the others," Wooyoung tried to explain to me. "Seonghwa is always working hard on his projects. I've worked with him before."

"If you say so," I responded. Being sceptical towards what he said.

Woo rolled his eyes, but he couldn't say anything. He knew what had happened to me in the past. Every time, I had to work on a project with a pretty guy, they had always dumped the work on me. On top of that, I couldn't do anything because my grades would suffer. And those morons got grades for doing nothing. I might be emotionless, but I'm not stupid. I've always hated their laziness and arrogance.

"Joongie-ah," Woo chirped in my ear. He wanted something. "Let's go out tonight."

"Like for drinks?" I asked him. "But it's not even Friday."

"So what? We are grown-ups. And tomorrow's lectures start at noon," he tried to argue. I rolled my eyes.

"Ugh, fine! But only if Yuyu and Yeo come with us," I admitted my defeat.

In the end, we went to a fried chicken restaurant. Yeosang picked up the place since he loved chicken. And we couldn't say anything, because he would pout at us, for the whole night. It was a win-win situation. Wooyoung got to drink, Yeosang had chicken, I and Yumho didn't have to deal with their tantrums. Everything was peaceful. Most of the night had passed like that. Well, before the alcohol got to Woo's head. He started talking about his newest crush. It was some dude from the sports department. His name was Choi San, majoring in taekwondo. Wooyoung showed us that guy's Instagram. His insta name was Choi_Mountain. As for the content, it was thirst traps, cute selfies and gym bro. Somehow it was Wooyoung's type. I looked at Yunho, he thought the same as me. I could see it in his eyes. At least, Yuyu was easy to read and understand.

At some point, Woo passed out on the table. He was such a lightweight when it came to alcohol. We had to carry him to Yunho's car so he could take him home. As usual, Yuyu didn't drink because he had his car with him. So I left them there and headed straight to my apartment. Luckily, it was only a couple of blocks away. Back at home, I could take off my mask and return to my grey self. The unlovable, emotionless mess of a man I was.

A/n: Updates once a week. Enjoy ❤️