You're The One Holding The Gun

|chapter 3| scars

Ballister seems to be warming up again. He can now mumble and speak small answers and sentences. It seems his vocal cords are a bit messed up from a week of no use but ambrosius has been helping. Whatever happened he doesn't want bal to feel helpless or ashamed for what happened.

He softly kisses ballister on the forehead as bal sits comfortably in ambrosius' lap. The sun has long since fell past the distant mountains leaving them shrouded in darkness aside from the TV that is playing some random show that came on after the movie they had watched that night. Nimona is curled up at their feet, snoring away. Bal's eyes begin to sting from tiredness and ambrosius let's out a yawn.

"Alright, I think it's time for bed" he whispers to bal who gives a whine of disapproval, trying to cling to ambrosius. At this ambrosius picks up bal, carrying him up to his room. Once bal is on the bed he wines again. He doesn't want to get ready for bed so he just lays there groaning. Ambrosius chuckles "c'mon bal, lets get you ready for bed" he says softly, picking up the smaller knight. Bal let's out a groan of annoyance but doesn't fight. Ambrosius grabs bal some more comfortable clothes and places them on the bed, turning to leave he is stopped by bal's voice. "Wait, you aren't going to help?". Ambrosius, surprised, turns back to him, "oh. You WANT my help" he says, puzzled. "Yeah, I'm too lazy to fiddle with this" he gestures to his prosthetic. Ambrosius nods silently, reaching for bal's shirt.

"Are you sure you're ok with me seeing... you" he whispers with a tone laced with despair. "I think you're the one not ready" bal laughs softly. Ambrosius let's out a breath, nodding again and finally pulling bal's shirt of. He doesn't know why he's so worried. It's still bal, his love. His body is still his. So why does it feel like he's undressing a stranger. Ambrosius' eyes scan ballister, the familiar scars of his chest, the small Knicks in the stomach from a particularly intense day of training. But then there's scars he isn't used to. A Large burn down his shoulder, one tracing from his jaw in a thin line down his shoulder, a particularly bad bruise on his side that wraps around the back.

Ambrosius feels his stomach squirm as he notices a few his own blade left while he was trying to protect the director. He sighs and slowly reaches to caress the scars, kissing the ones he left as if it would heal them. "I'm so sorry... I'm so so sorry" he mutters in a heavy voice, sounding close to tears. His eyes trail to bal's arm that he seems to be hiding, bal notices the scars that healed a bit lighter then bal's beautiful dark skin. He gently grabs bal's arm, his fingers tracing down the small scars all the way down his arm. He's no stranger to self harm, he knows bal has struggled bad in his teens, but what worries him are the few of the newer looking scars, much deeper than the others. A few even look like they were done sometime this week.

"Bal?" He questions, looking up at ballister his is now looking away, trying to hide what's clearly happened. Ambrosius feels the dread grow heavier. What if he was the reason bal did this? What if he made bal do this. It's his fault bal is trying to- "I'm sorry" bal States, obviously on the verge of tears. You're an idiot, ambrosius. The golden knight thinks to himself, taking his boyfriend in a hug. "No, no I'm not mad. It's ok. I could never be mad at you. . . Do you think you could.. tell me ... why?" He comforts bal while still rubbing the scars.

"I .. don't know.. it's just .. a lot. It's comforting" he mumbles in ambrosius' chest. "Hey, that's ok.. next time .. do you think you could come to me?". Bal only shrugs, he gets that ambrosius is trying to help but.. he likes it. He doesn't want to stop. So he stays silent, not answering ambrosius' concerns. Ambrosius sighs, knowing he's getting knowing he's getting nowhere. "It's ok bal... it's ok"

"So, how to I get that arm of your off anyways?" Ambrosius asks, shifting the mood. Bal chuckles. "Well contrary to popular belief you don't use a sword" he says jokingly but sas laced itself in. Ambrosius can't keep himself from breaking into laughter. He feels so bad but gods was that perfect. Bal smirks, waiting for ambrosius to calm down before actually helping him take his arm of.

The two slip into comfortable clothes and ambrosius tucks bal into his bed. Ambrosius goes to kiss bal on the forehead but bal quickly pulls him into a gentle, nervous kiss. Ambrosius is surprised but before he can react bal pulls back.

"Goodnight.. I love you" bal says with the most sincere smile he's ever seen. Ambrosius feels tears threaten his eyes but he smiles and leaves another small peck on bal's lips. "I love you more then you could ever imagine"