Lost Without You/A Jordan Knight FanFic✔️

17

THEN

Jon had a friend who was a child psychiatrist. Alice didn't see why Lucy needed to see someone. She thought she could mother her through the grieving process. Ironic, since Alice could barely keep herself functioning after Austin's death.

Eventually, her parents and mine convinced her it might be a good idea, and Alice agreed. We met with the psychiatrist before Lucy did. We—and by we, I mean I—went through the events of the day that Austin died. Alice tried to hold it together while sitting as far away from me as possible on the love seat by the window overlooking downtown Kansas City.

"Could I have a few minutes alone with you?" I asked Dr. Kane when she said she had no further questions for us.

Alice gave me a suspicious look that I ignored.

"I'll meet you in the car." I handed her the keys.

After another disgruntled look, she snatched the keys and headed to the car.

Dr. Kane shut the door. "You want to tell me the real story now ... don't you?" The very observant doctor gave me a sad smile and returned to the chair adjacent the love seat.

I rested my elbows on my knees, hands folded in front of me. "How did you know?"

"I have a gift for reading people. You were very easy to read as you told the version of the story that I assume you've decided is the best version for Lucy ..." She twisted her lips. "Maybe even for Alice. I'm not sure it's the best version for you."

"So what's the real story?" I asked.

She crossed one leg over the other and folded her hands in her lap, long fingernails perfectly painted in light pink and white tips. "I don't know. That's what you're going to tell me."

"Is this confidential?"

"Lucy is the patient."

"I don't want Alice to know."

"But Lucy can know?" She cants her head to the side.

"Lucy does know. Well, sort of."

"Please, Jordan ... enlighten me. We all want what's in Lucy's best interest."

I cleared my throat and started from the beginning, which was the day in the delivery room that Tatum made me promise to love our children more than her—more than us. Dr. Kane didn't flinch, didn't give anything away like my words surprised her. If anything, she nodded slowly a few times, conveying she understood and maybe approved. I wasn't sure.

"Did Lucy believe you? When you told her it was your fault? Or do you think she wanted to believe you because it meant she didn't have to take responsibility for it?"

"I ... I don't know. I guess I'm hoping that can be something you might discuss with her. But I don't want her to feel that it's her fault."

"I understand that, but if she knows, on some level that it was, in part, her fault, then that's something we need to deal with."

"Okay. But is there any reason Alice needs to know?"

"I won't know this until I talk with Lucy. I don't think it's something you can keep from your wife forever. Have you thought about what that could do to your marriage? Have you thought about what it might do to Lucy if this does end your marriage?"

"Yes. I have thought about it. And every time I think about it, I come to the same conclusion."

"Which is?"

"In my unprofessional opinion, I think it would be easier for Lucy to live with divorced parents who love her instead of a mother who looks at her with anything short of complete love and adoration."