Lost Without You/A Jordan Knight FanFic✔️

12

Now

The next morning, Alice insists I go home to shower first. Maybe I stink the most. By the time I get toweled off and dressed, my parents are in my living room.

"Morning." Dad smiles as I make my way to the kitchen.

"We brought donuts." Mom nods to the box on the kitchen table.

"How did you know I was here?" I take a glazed donut and shove half of it into my mouth.

"We showed up at the hospital minutes after you left. Talked with Alice for a bit. Then we decided to grab some breakfast and come here. It's a little more private than the hospital waiting room." Mom pours me a glass of orange juice that they must have picked up as well.

"Do we need privacy?" I raise a brow before taking a swig of juice.

"Sometimes it's easier to assess your emotional state when you're not putting on an act for other people."

I eye my mom while collapsing into the chair at the end of the kitchen table. "Well, assess away."

Mom's attention flits between me and my dad as if he's really going to weigh in on the matter. I'm certain the men in our family are not equipped with the necessary tools to make emotional assessments. He's really here for her emotional support.

"We know the accident was Alice's ..." She stops as if the next word no longer fits.

I shake my head. "It was an accident."

"Yes, but as you know ..." Again, she trips and can't finish her thought. I might not be the one who needs their emotional state assessed. She's clearly struggling.

I let her silent pleas continue for a few more minutes before I empty the rest of my juice and stand, taking my glass to the sink and staring out the window to the backyard. "Austin's death was an accident. Alice's and Lucy's crash was an accident. Sometimes people die from accidents. Sometimes they don't. We can't change the past. So the question is ... what do we need in order to continue with our future? Alice needed someone to blame. And she needed that someone to not be a face she saw every day. That's okay. We all handle tragedy and grief differently. I don't love her any less for what she needed after Austin died. Lucy didn't die, but she might not walk again, which will feel like its own death. But I don't blame Alice. I don't love her less. And I can look at her and see the woman I married. The mother of our children. My best friend. But that's just me."

"Had Austin not died on your watch ... would you be so quick to forgive Alice?"

"Yes." I don't hesitate to answer. "What happened with our children ... it wasn't intentional or malicious. Just accidents. And I don't see Alice as the reason for Lucy's situation. I simply see a mother who is beside herself with grief. And I hurt for her. I want nothing more than to take away that pain. But I can't. I'm not that person in her life anymore."

My mom wipes the corners of her eyes. "You're a good man, Jordan. I'm so proud of you. And my love for you has never wavered, not for a second. I hope you know that. The way you have loved Alice is something far greater than I could have ever imagined. As much as your dad and I want to take credit for it, we can't. You simply have a soul that shines. It's pure. And your love is always ... always real. And Alice ..."

"Is the love of my life. Now and always." I turn to face my parents, resting against the edge of the counter. "After Austin died, I made you promise to never blame Alice for the end of our marriage. Nothing has changed. Part of her died that day with Austin. It changed her in a way no parent ever wants to imagine. It's not an emotion that can be tied into generic wedding vows. 'For better or worse ...' well, losing him was something so much more unimaginable than worse. And even though Lucy didn't die yesterday, I think Alice lost another piece of herself."